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  • #871
    You know, some days I'm not as shitty as you guys give my credit for

    "They're working in the computer server room right now, so the internet is down."
    "Aw, man, that mean's you won't be able to surf for porn."
    "I know. That was the main reason I got out of bed this morning!"
    I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

    Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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    • #872
      "A pink Porsche!"
      "Well if you're going to drive around in a fake penis you might as well make it the same colour as a real one"

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      • #873
        "Maintenance to the newsroom with a plunger, please."
        "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

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        • #874
          "I had to set the lifter to maximum oomph."
          SC: “Yeah, Bob’s Company. I'm Bob. It's my company.” - GK
          SuperHotelWorker made my Avi!!

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          • #875
            "Can we add a million dollar idiot tax?"
            "Idiot Tax?"
            "Yeah, they're idiots so they owe us an extra million"

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            • #876
              "The fact that you know you're doing it scares me."

              Rapscallion

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              • #877
                "You never do anything romantic" "I like to touch your crotch"
                "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall

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                • #878
                  "So I gave her the title 'Queen of Moist Cakes.'"
                  The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                  The stupid is strong with this one.

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                  • #879
                    "I had a professor who told me that everyone in the world wants to be a Steve, and I was like "I'm already a Steve, what about all the Steve's in the world"

                    "I guess you all want to be like Mike"

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                    • #880
                      *technically at school but not work*

                      "is it possible to satisfy the unsatisfied needs of the x's"
                      "yes, but it's going to cost you, how much are you willing to pay to satisfy the demand for your x"
                      If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                      • #881
                        'It's OK, I managed to stick my arse in and put my leg at the right angle'
                        'I like my arse.'
                        'Yeah, it's managed to stop you getting stuck in tight situations... though not tight jeans'.
                        Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.

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                        • #882
                          "I've got to turn the tray around so I can fork in the right direction."
                          "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall

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                          • #883
                            Ah, clients. I thought I hadn't heard the guns go off in a while.

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                            • #884
                              "So it turns out the Internet really is for porn!"

                              "Can you imagine (co-worker) M on a field trip? He'd be all 'Climb a hill? You have to walk all that way. Forget that!'"

                              "That's the benefit of drinking! The best way to carry a slab also translates to other heavy items."

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                              • #885
                                "If you get shot in the head it's because you didn't duck. If you get shot in the head it's you're own fault!"
                                "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall

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