Everybody dies, Rose! Just this once, everybody dies!

[hotelslave]

I love going to Jimmy Buffett concerts and tailgating in parking lot. But me and my friends just chill out drinking minding our own business wearing crazy shirts

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Jester, please do post more "best weeks to come to Key West" suggestions...since we'd be driving we might actually be able to plan something I like Jimmy Buffett's music fine, but a Parrothead I am not.

[Teefies2]

A rare Jester-initiated thread!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!

Having spent 15 years in Florida prior to being banished to North Carolina (and I STILL don't know why!), I can sooooo relate. You manage to not only capture the craziness that is Parrothead, but also time and again teach the world about Floridians in general. My hat is off to you!

[Jester]

A lot of great response to my post. Thanks, guys. But--and this is important--I must first apologize for some unfortunate and thoughtlessly worded comments that appeared in the original post that have since been removed. I wasn't thinking (obviously), and will try in the future to be more cognizant of what I'm saying on this site. If anyone was offended by the aforementioned comments, I sincerely apologize to you. For those of you that are scratching your head and wondering what the hell I am talking about, don't worry about it. It was a mistake I shouldn't have made, and it has been appropriately dealt with.

the bitch grabbed your friend by the lanyard?

No, a male associate of said bitch did.

We are a chill group, support one another in good times and bad, and we're coming up on a twenty year anniversary of our first phlocking in Key West. I hope I am able to go to the 20th reunion so I can reconnect with all the wonderful people.

Yours is the kind of group that locals in Key West wish more Parrotheads were like. And wait...you've been coming to Key West for 20 years and haven't stopped in to say hi to me? Or, am I reading this wrong, and it's been 20 years since you've been here? Which would have, of course, made stopping by to say hi to me rather difficult, as I was residing in Phoenix 20 years ago.

Shame on you for that question at the end.

I have no shame for that question, thank you very much. Frankly, I found it hilarious!

That officer should be ashamed for getting the question wrong! Everyone knows the real answer is "As long as they are over the age of 3"

You are partly right. Because if children 3 or under are running around like crazy ON THE DOCKS without parental supervision, then the PARENTS should be the ones pushed in the water.

Oh, I hope my sister's wedding isn't in the first week of November down there... Or I may be declining.

The good news is that it is possible to avoid the Parrotheads if you are down here in the first week in November. The bad news is, it isn't easy to do so, and it is impossible if you want to go to any of the major bars on Duval Street.

When you know the date of her wedding, let me know, and I'll tell you what to expect for that time period in KW.

I don't get it. What makes people think they can act like that?

In this case, a sense of entitlement, because they "come down here and spend so much money in the local economy." Which is not entirely true, as the biggest assholes in the Parrothead contingent spend as little as they can, don't tip worth a shit, and only piss the locals off, without contributing much to the local economy beyond the cost of their lodging. Those who actually spend the most to enjoy themselves tend to not talk about it, and tend not to act like entitled assholes, because they realize they are there to enjoy themselves by having fun, not by walking all over others who are there to "serve" them, as the Peckerheads seem to think.

So how many screaming and running kids got pushed into the water?

None.

Beer is a wonderfully effective deterrent on such actions.

Jester, please do post more "best weeks to come to Key West" suggestions...since we'd be driving we might actually be able to plan something I like Jimmy Buffett's music fine, but a Parrothead I am not.

I would say most times are great to come to Key West. Frankly, it's easier to identify the worst times to come to Key West. I can think of about five.

Parrothead week, first week in November. Cons: Plenty of entitled assholes wearing loud tropical shirts and being very unchill, and lots of Buffett-type music. Pros: Plenty of fun-loving drunks wearing loud tropical shirts and being very chill, and lots of Buffett-type music.

Fantasy Fest: Last two weekends in October, the week in between. Cons: A ridiculous number of people in the bars and streets drinking like fish, carrying on, getting naked, hooking up, getting body-painted, and an utterly insane atmosphere the likes of which most people have never seen. Pros: Pretty much the same as the cons.

New Year's Eve. Do I really need to tell you the date? The pros and cons are pretty much the exact same as Fantasy Fest, though during only one night, rather than a week. Though there usually is much partying going on the night before, as well.

Spring Break. Generally speaking, late February to early April, though most of it is contained in 2 or 3 weeks in March, which vary from year to year. Cons: Lots of young stupid people who haven't figured out how to party responsibly or really enjoy themselves without getting totally fucked up, who also have spent the vast majority of their money on their hotel rooms, so have no more to spend. Pros: Lots of eye candy, wet t-shirt contests, and much crazy Spring Break stuff going on. Also happens to usually be awesome weather this time of year.

"Sleeptember." This is an unofficial name for the dead time we get from approximately mid-August to mid-September. Cons: hot, humid, and the biggest risk for hurricanes, along with not a lot of people down here to party with, and lots of bars and restaurants closing their doors for a month or so. Pros: Less crowds, lower rates, and if you're lucky, no hurricanes. Actually, hurricanes rarely hit Key West. But they are always a possibility, and sometimes all they have to do is threaten to cause the authorities to issue mandatory evacuations for tourists, which can quickly put an end to your planned fun in the sun.

You manage to not only capture the craziness that is Parrothead, but also time and again teach the world about Floridians in general.

Actually, there is a major difference between Key Westers and most other Floridians, something most Key Westers take great pride in.

[Seraph]

Ahhhh, Parrotheads. Back when I lived in Charleston, SC, I once nearly ran Jimmy Buffet down as he was jogging down a sidewalk, and I turned a corner and plowed into him. Was promptly nearly mauled by the nearby Parrotheads for "getting in his way", and cursed out pretty roundly. Mind you, I was a kid back then...was maybe 13? 14? I hadn't a clue what had just happened, except that some dude in a colorful shirt didn't even say "excuse me". <.<

Also, awesome title is awesome, and made me do a double take.

[PepperElf]

Actually, bitches male friend grabbed the lanyard. I read that part and was thinking that's when Mini should knee him in the nuts and say she was on her way to work but now she's getting a cop to arrest him for assault.

male or female he's still a bitch
and i'm glad the bitch is getting arrested for assault.


and the title still makes me I keep imagining 9 saying it cheerfully.

[Jester]

and i'm glad the bitch is getting arrested for assault.

No one got arrested for assault. That was merely dbuzman's wish about what would have happened. In reality, Mini freed herself from the douchebag and went to work. Period, the end.

[Golden Phoenix]

Most lesbian groups are, aren't they?





...oh, you mean THAT kind of dick.




...yeah, I got nothing.

Bah, i was going to make that joke. Then again, looks like i joined the thread kinda late. Lol.

[PepperElf]

No one got arrested for assault. That was merely dbuzman's wish about what would have happened. In reality, Mini freed herself from the douchebag and went to work. Period, the end.

ah. that sucks.

but i'm glad she escaped him.

[kibbles]

Is it mean of me to wish that Mini gave the d**kless wonder a good shot with her knee?

[Jester]

Yes, it is mean of you. And totally, completely, and wonderfully appropriate.

[dalesys]

Is it mean of me to wish that Mini gave the d**kless wonder a good shot with her knee?

She could say, "I'm just givin' a Pain ya cojones... And you'll want a frozen concoction on them stat!"

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Hmmm...so maybe mid-Spring (late April, early May) might be good. Not tooooo hot yet...just a bit after my birthday...and doesn't seem to be a sucky KW timeframe. We get spring breakers here too but our area is sleepier than some...Cocoa Beach gets the most in the county.

[Teefies2]

Actually, there is a major difference between Key Westers and most other Floridians, something most Key Westers take great pride in.

I stand corrected, but my point was that Floridians are a whole 'nother animal

[Jester]

Hmmm...so maybe mid-Spring (late April, early May) might be good. Not tooooo hot yet...just a bit after my birthday...and doesn't seem to be a sucky KW timeframe.

Actually a great time to visit Key West. No Spring Breakers, decent but not huge crowds, usually great weather, not usually rainy, sometimes a bit windy but that makes for excellent sailing (ironically not the best snorkeling, but you can't have everything), and just a fun time to be here. Also, in late April, we have a week called Conch Republic Independence Days that has some absolutely hilarious events that are very Key Westy, including drag races (with drag queens, not cars) and bed races (with, well, beds on wheels).

Let me know if/when you decide to come down.

I stand corrected, but my point was that Floridians are a whole 'nother animal

True enough. And one of the best descriptions I've ever heard of Florida, which is absolutely true, is that "the north is South, and the south is New York." Of course, Key West is an entirely different entity than any of that, but I think I already made that point.