questions people ask me

[skeptic53]

Oh you must know the medicine I mean, doc.... it's a little white round pill....

[cindybubbles]

Do you have that thing I saw on TV? The website said you had it.

The As Seen on TV Showcase stores where I live would probably have what they want.

[XCashier]

"How much fabric do I need to recover my sofa / make curtains / make a tablecloth?"
"I need some fabric to make baby clothes. Got any burlap?" (yes, this happened, sort of.)
"Can I use this spray paint for makeup?" (yes, also happened.)

[registerrodeo]

So many questions have given me brain hurts, but the honest to best one that broke my brain was a moron who came in one day..looked professional, intelligent. Oh how wrong I was. Asked me if we had rubber address stamps. Yes, I answer, getting out the sample book, and then it all went bad.

Idiot Customer : Oh good, would you have one in stock then?
Me : BlinkBlink whaaaa
IC: One with my address?
Me: <with a whimper> No, the address stamps are custom made
IC: (disappointed) Oh, I had hoped you would have it in stock <and out the door he goes>
Me to co worker: Does he think we just make up a stamp for everyone in the phone book???
Coworker: Blink Blink Did that just happen????

[Latekin]

Do you have that thing I saw on TV? The website said you had it.

Every Saturday at work without fail:


Customer: Do you have that one, that thing that was in the paper?
Me: What was it?
Customer: I don't know! It was $50! Don't you know your own store?!

[KellyHabersham]

I still remember the time I had a woman come up to me in the library, and ask "What's the difference between fiction and non-fiction"? (can't recall the exact wording, but it was along those lines)

[Jester]

My coworker (who speaks excellent English, but whose native language is Russian) had a customer (who was American, and whose native language clearly WAS English) who ordered the peel and eat shrimp. My coworker asked the customer if she'd like a half pound or a full pound. Upon which the American asked, "What's the difference?" Which left the Siberian shaking her head in disbelief.

Some of my more memorable ones....

"Do you take American money?"

"That soup got here really fast. Did you already have it made?"

"Can you make me a virgin Shirley Temple?"

"This vodka martini is really strong. What did you put in it?" I just stared at her and answered, "Um, vodka...." So she had me add some cranberry juice. Clearly an experienced martini drinker!

A sadly common one: "I have a coupon, but I left it at the hotel. Can I still use it?"

One I have actually been asked three times....so far: "I don't have my ID with me...can I just show you a picture of it on my phone?" Sure, as long as I only have to show you a picture of a drink on my phone, and not serve you an actual one. (No, I never gave that response, but I also didn't serve any of those three nitwits.)

A very common one, asked by people who have just come in from outside: "What's the weather like on the roof deck?"

A ridiculously common one, which is fair if you meet me out at a bar, but stoopid if you ask it of me when I am behind the bar serving you: "Do you live here?" No, I commute from Phoenix every day. And yes, that IS my standard answer to people that ask this.

"Can we eat at the bar?" Only if you order food. Yes, another standard response I use.

And of course, the longtime favorite, from May of 2010: "That Mount Gay Rum....is that a rum designed for gay people to drink?"

Or anyone asking for a street address or post (zip) code....

The good thing about getting people like that in my bar is that all of Key West has the same zip code (33040), and all of the Keys have the same area code (305). So while we get those questions from time to time, the answer is the same every single time. Yay living in a small town!

[notalwaysright]

"How much fabric does it take to make a quilt/dress/pants/curtains? I don't want a pattern, don't you know?" (XCasheir, I feel your pain)

"Do you have Seahawks fleece?" Yes, actually we have taken our supply of Seahawks fleece and hidden it around the store. That completely empty space in the Seahawk display is just to trick you. Congrats for figuring it out!

"Where's your printer paper / silverware / hearing aid batteries?" Nowhere, as we are a fabric and craft store.

"Can't you just give me the extra?" No!

[taxguykarl]

"Do you take American money?"

As you are in the Conch Republic that is a valid query.

"Can you make me a virgin Shirley Temple?"

That's kind of redundant isn't it?

A sadly common one: "I have a coupon, but I left it at the hotel. Can I still use it?"

I get that query a lot. So many forget their repeat customer coupon. Good thing I keep the code written down.

A very common one, asked by people who have just come in from outside: "What's the weather like on the roof deck?"

A valid question in a state where you can changes lanes on the highway and go from pouring rain to clear skies.

[Ironclad Alibi]

So many questions have given me brain hurts, but the honest to best one that broke my brain was a moron who came in one day..looked professional, intelligent. Oh how wrong I was. Asked me if we had rubber address stamps. Yes, I answer, getting out the sample book, and then it all went bad.

Idiot Customer : Oh good, would you have one in stock then?
Me : BlinkBlink whaaaa
IC: One with my address?
Me: <with a whimper> No, the address stamps are custom made
IC: (disappointed) Oh, I had hoped you would have it in stock <and out the door he goes>
Me to co worker: Does he think we just make up a stamp for everyone in the phone book???
Coworker: Blink Blink Did that just happen????

Maybe they were looking for a rubber stamp kit.

[carryonnow]

As a teen, I worked at a local ice cream chain in a town known for a living museum set in the 1830's...

SC: "how do I get to OSV?"
ME: "Take a left as you leave the lot about 3/4 mile on the left you will see a large red and gold sign that says OSV. Turn there and follow the signs."
SC: "no, that's not right....that cant be right...see look at the map."
ME: "Ya, being from right here in town for most of my life, being dragged their for school field trips once a year since grade 3, and seeing the sign everyday for the past 16 yrs....you are right. I don't know where it is."

Years later while managing a convenience store---
SC: "hey, you got a payphone?" <rests elbow on top of pay phone while asking stooped question>
ME: "nope...haven't seen one of those in a really long time" <while staring at the phone>
SC: "well can you call me a cab?"
ME: "nope...too bad there isn't a pay phone nearby." <staring at the phone>

Just today while working for a different convenience store....phone rings...

ME: "Thank you for calling <national gas station chain>, how can I help you?"
SC: "Uh, yeah my car won't start I think the battery is dead."
ME: "Gee, bad spot to be in when it is pouring rain."
SC: "Can you send some one to jump start my car??" <slightly annoyed tone>
ME: "Ma'am, we are a <national gas station chain> and a convenience store. We don't have a mechanic."
SC: "well are you located at Ruby Road and Town Road?"
ME: "Yes...but I assure you we don't have a mechanic who can help you because we are a <national gas station chain> and a convenience store."
SC: "No, I stopped there yesterday...I TALKED to your mechanic."
ME: "Ma'am, maybe you stopped some place else but there is NO mechanic here and I cannot 'send my boy' to jump start your car."
SC: "Well when you figure out where he is, can you have him call me? I have to get to a doctor's appointment at 3. Here is my number 401-555-5555."
ME: "ok, sure ma'am...thanks. Try to have a better day."

Moral of the story, sometimes it is just better to buy into the Sc's delusion than it is to try to give them an answer.

[Jester]

As you are in the Conch Republic that is a valid query.

No. No, it's not. And hush.

That's kind of redundant isn't it?

Precisely the point. She apparently thought that a Shirley Temple had alcohol in it. Specifically, she though grenadine was alcoholic. To be fair, they DO make alcoholic grenadine, but it is very much the exception, not the rule. Hell, I've never even seen it, and only found out about it when I first posted this story and someone pointed it out to me, and my online research confirmed that it existed.

I get that query a lot. So many forget their repeat customer coupon. Good thing I keep the code written down.

At The Bar, we need the actual coupon. We can't just apply a coupon they don't have to their tab, as much as many of them would like us to. I'm pretty sure that's pretty much standard practice at bars and restaurants.

A valid question in a state where you can changes lanes on the highway and go from pouring rain to clear skies.

Not at all valid, when they are walking in off the street and standing directly below the roof deck in question. And while weather can change rapidly and vary widely in a small area (it can be raining on one side of this small island and clear on the other), it doesn't change from walking up a flight of stares.

[Ironclad Alibi]

A very common one, asked by people who have just come in from outside: "What's the weather like on the roof deck?"

"The roof weather is just like the outside weather you were just came in from, but 14 feet higher."

[dalesys]

"Why is there air?"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"Where y'alls nintendo tapes at?"

Not making this up. Srsly.