Dumbest question you have ever been asked

[Aggravated Associate]

The (retail) store that I work for distributes coupons, usually for about ten or twenty percent off of one item. Now, I'm not math-savvy by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm pretty aware that ten percent off won't make a dent in any sale unless it's particularly pricey, say, around $100 or more. So the following question always kind of irks me:

Me: "Your total is going to be $X.xx"
Snide SC: "Is that including my coupon?"

Yes, ma'am. That is including your coupon. You used a 10% coupon on an item that costs $5.99. Exactly how much were you thinking you were going to save?

[gunsage]

*Please note that italicized indicates the stupid question*

SC1: "Wait, what do you mean you can't troubleshoot my digital phone while I'm at the office?!"

SC2: "What do you mean I can't connect my wireless computers to my network?!"
Me: "Do you have a wireless router?"
SC2: "Uh...no?"

Me: (After a very long, frustrating, and overall unproductive call) "Okay, is there anything else I can help you with?"
SC3: "Uh, yeah! You can resolve my problem!"
Me: "I have already explained, politely and upon multiple occassions, what needs to be done on your end to resolve the problem."
SC3: "I want to speak to a supervisor."
Me: "There isn't one available right now."
SC3: "Well...then...what's your name?"
Me: "Sage. Extension number XXXX. I'm the only one named Sage in this department, by the way."
SC3: "Uh huh...and your last name?"
Me: "For security reasons, I am not required to give that out."
SC3: "Well, don't you feel I'm entitled to know?"
Me: "No. No, I don't."

That's all for now.

[Phone Jockey]

Me: Hello, this is XYZ Financial Company, how may I help you?
SC: Who did I just call?!
Me: XYZ Financial Company.
SC: Well, who the hell are you?
Me: We handle financial accounts.
SC: Well, I don't appreciate that at all!
Me: ???

[Pedersen]

I DO know how to figure out percentages off on paper. Say for instance you have 20% off $28.99
--SNIP--
The calculator is never wrong!

Well, here's something for you to consider that could help out figuring out any percentage you're likely to see, since most percentages are a multiple of 5.

Consider this: As a human, you're probably quite good at figuring out two types of numbers in particular. 1/10 of something, and 1/2 of something. You are probably decent at adding numbers. But complex multiplication, division, and the like are issues.

15% of $36.23?
15%=10%+5%
5% = 50% of 10%
Result: 15% = 10% + (1/2 of 10%)

10% of $36.23 = $3.62
5% of 36.23 = 1/2 of 10% of $36.23 = 1/2 of $3.62 = $1.81
15% = $3.62 + $1.81 = $4.62 + $0.81 = $5.42 + $0.01 = $5.43

That looks and sound very complex, but it's not as bad as it looks. The fundamental trick is just to remember that 5% is 1/2 of 10%. And 10% is just moving the decimal point to the left by one place, and rounding the result.

This is great for figuring out tips, too. If you're going for the standard 15%, and the bill comes to $59.28, then the tip is no less than $9. That's just using some basic rounding. I didn't figure out the exact amount, and don't need to.

Suppose I was happy with the service, and wanted to leave 20%? Divide by ten, multiply that by 2, and that's 20%. So, roughly, $12.

None of these tips work when precision is of the utmost priority, though. They all rely on rounding to be quick, and therefore are imprecise. But you wanna know how much that shirt is at 35% off? Divide by ten. Multiply that by 3. Take the first answer, cut it in half, and add that. There's your savings. Allow yourself some fudge factor.

Oh, and as for the calculator never being wrong, there's documented cases where the calculator would be wrong, especially in a computer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentium_FDIV_bug

That discusses one of the more famous issues.

There's also rounding error. Did you know that, in standard numberic representation in a computer, the computer is not capable of exactly representing 0.1? Seriously. You have to write your code very specially to handle the case of showing a dime. If you don't, you get rounding error. Compound it enough, and suddenly there's thousands of dollars which are missing. Again, this has happened.

Don't rely on the calculator too much. It's not foolproof

[qaxons]

I'll be concise with this one.

Me: Hi! My name is Qaxon, I'm calling to conduct a survey for Name Omitted, blah blah blah, Is this (999)999-9999?
guy: Why are you calling me?
Me: ... To conduct a survey for Name Omitted...
G: I don't want to buy anything.
Me: I'm not selling anything, sir, I'm conducting a survey.
G: So why are you calling me?
Me: ...*blink blink* To conduct a survey...
G: Oh, I'm not interested *click*

At which I turned over and told my coworker that "State is off it's meds today..."

[uthdentroll]

SC: I dont know how to turn off the lights in my room, but I dont know anyone come up the show me how.
ME: There is a switch on the cord
SC: I cant find it.
ME: Should I call the engineer up?
SC: NO, you need to tell me how.
ME: Ma'am, I will call the engineer.


SC: Why is the bar closed?
ME: Because there is a business hour... and it is closed after the business hour.

SC: You mean I have to pay for fax my documents?

SC: You mean I have to pay tax? I work for the federal gov.
ME: But you are not using the federal gov credit card.
SC: But i am a federal employee
ME: As long as you are not using federal gov credit card paying for the room, you are not tax exempt, period.

SC: I have a tax exempt form here, with certificate.
ME: ONLY if you are within the state of new york, you are in California.
SC: Other places accepted but why cant you?
ME: Because I actually took time to read the certificate.

[lastofthesummerwine]

BTW, lastofthesummerwine - I love that show! But our idiot PBS station won't run it anymore.

Well, lucky me-- they still show LOTSW every weekend on our local PBS channel. Bad news-- they never show it at the same time two weeks running. Evidently donations to our station are weak because it seems you have to slog through myriad local programming before you can see anything worth a damn. I love "History Detectives" but it seens it's being held hostage until a sufficient number of nasty letters make their way to the desk of some Mandarin son -of-a-b**ch before they'll run it. Public television, my eye.

To the twits in Charlotte: "Pogue mahone!"

[Snowbird]

Clueless woman: Do you have a book with a blue cover and silver writing on the front?

Normally, this would get a if she didn't have the name, title or anything else but I'd worked in receiving for so long that I knew exactly which book she was talking about.

I went to another bookstore to look for a book I was replacing, one that I knew they'd had on their front shelves for months, told the front desk clerk that it was a very large history book by such and such a company, that the name had history and world in it, that it was blue... and before the woman could even answer me, the sales associate down the counter started laughing. Loudly. Shaking his head and rolling his eyes. I wasn't quite as amused at his customer service skills.

[Seshat]

I was marking and pinning a hem on a dress. The customer asked, "People who do your sort of work must be kind of ...(she pauses, looking for appropriate wording) 'slow,' mustn't they?"

In the sense of 'careful', sure.

But to understand drape and hand, fit and cut, to be able to fit a two-dimensional rectangle of fabric around a three-dimensional moving body . . . no, not really.

[d962831]

the worst I think is, "Do you have <insert item here>?" While they are standing right in front of it.

[Posture Moll]

"Is an 8 1/2 bigger than an 8?"

Now, if the woman's native language had not been English, this might have been a valid question (eg, eight-half would entail a seven-and-a-half in Russian) but she was a born and bred Canadian.

(Upon my greeting them) 'Oh, do you work here?'

No, sir, I'm just wearing this badge for kicks. I REALLY trotted over to say hello because I've fallen madly in love with you at first sight - you, an aged, balding, out-of-shape fellow three times my age.

'This store is a disaster! How come some items are marked 'on sale' and others aren't, huh?'

Errm...because not everything is on sale?

[Despina83]

How about the one I get every day: "Are you open?" Gee, what might be a good clue? The fact that I just flipped my light on??

[blas]

Gosh, I don't even remember............

Maybe it was that one night, during Hurricane Katrina Gas Scare 2005, the day gas soared from $2.79 to $2.99, and people practically looted my gas station, and towards the end of the shift, some idiot came in and asked "Been busy tonight?"

Let's see.....

Do you see my manager, who I had to call to come HELP me because I hadn't done anything all night because I couldn't leave the register? Do you see all the empty cartons of cigarettes on the floor because I ran out of stock and had to run to the cabinet fast? Do you see coffee cups and lids all over the floor? Do you see the toilet paper leading to the bathrooms? Do you see the bottles of soda all over the floor? It looks like someone fricken ROBBED the place! No shit we were busy!

[RetailWorkhorse]

At DollarTree: (signs everywhere, including each till)

Them: "How much is this?"
Me: "Everything's a dollar."
Them: "Really? I never knew that!"
Me: "Welcome to DollarTree."


At Wally World: (I don't work there, I was in civilian clothing and someone mistook a satin shirt I had stolen from my dad as uniform)

Girl: "Do you work here?"
Me: "Nope, I work next door, but I might as well. What can I help you with?"
Girl: "How can you help me if you don't work here?"
Me: "Well, you need help, don't you?"
Girl: "Yes..."
Me: "I might know where you can find what you're looking for."
Girl: "Oh! Okay!"

[looney_librarian]

I got the usual "do you work here" questions, but once the chain started to close and everything was on clearance.

My responses to the "Do you work here":
"No I don't work here. I just killed the guy that wears this shirt and I'm wearing it as a trophy."

"No I work at Target (Media Play and Target are pretty much the same uniform: Khakis and a red polo) and just doing a celebration dance at our competitors demise."

"No I'm just stealing these metal racks to sell for scrap metal."

"No I'm just trying to get measurements because I want to make this into my new home."

Though the dumbest question I've ever gotten had to have been "Are you guys really closing?"
"No. We're just doing this as a prank. Just ignore all the 'Going out of Business' signs. Or the 'Everything Must Go.' We'll be opening back up on April 1st or February 30th whichever comes first."