Dear Abby??

[gunsage]

I think my first one summed it up better, personally.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My God Gunsage, if you actually send those letters out....

[gunsage]

Dear Abby,

Given that you're likely more of a customer than a customer service employee and don't actually deal with them, you obviously don't understand what unwanted touching is especially at your ancient, antiquated, not-using-sundials-anymore, fossilized age...at least I hope, lest I down a bottle of 151 all at once as my substitute . It doesn't matter whether you're an 8 months pregnant woman getting accosted by people who think it's socially acceptable to rub your belly. It doesn't matter if you're an employee and you're touching them to say any of a NUMBER of things from "Have a good day" to "Jesus loves you."

And it also doesn't matter if you're getting sockpuppet style raped in a Tokyo substation...at least according to you. Sure, you're putting on a nice song and dance about the "customer always being right," a saying so old that it is only rivaled by your age. The truth is we must accept that without the consumer, a person who willingly enters a place of business in order to acquire services, there would be no businesses. We also have to understand that there are perverts, scam artists, assholes, complete dumbasses, bad parents, and much much more that you will never personally deal with sitting behind your typewriter...or would that be chisel and granite block?

Regardless, I don't have to deal with people touching me now that I'm in a position where I remotely deal with the public, so normally I would agree with your position, but alas, I cannot. You see, I HAVE worked positions where I dealt, face to face, with the public. It's an ugly thing. Even uglier is that you don't know these people and vice versa but are forced upon common grounds to communicate...and somehow, that makes it acceptable for them to touch you. Sorry, no. You can disagree all you like, but until I see you putting out at Tokyo bus stations, I highly recommend not insinuating that someone RAPING someone else's personal space for the "good of the sale" (starting to sound more and more like prostitution as I type this) is perfectly acceptable.

Readying a drink stiffer than...well...you do the math,



Gun Sage

P.S. YOU'RE OLD! LOL!

[wagegoth]

Here's mine:

Dear Abby,

Since I often agree with your advice, I was surprised to be highly disappointed with your response to Nicki, the retail worker who was tired of being not only touched, but physically pulled about by customers. While your suggestion that she discuss how to handle things with her supervisor was good, the rest of your answer should have been lost, along with those overly touchy, pushy customers.

Every one has personal space, including service industry employees. A light touch on the arm is one thing, to be physically pulled about, or regularly touched about the shoulders or hands, is quite another. And to suggest that she should put up with such behavior to keep a customer or find another line of work is out of line. Frankly, some customers are not worth keeping, or need to be educated that retail employees are human beings and need to be treated that way.

Also, maybe she likes her job. Why should she give up a job she likes because of the occasional behavior of the rude and insensitive? Maybe the job works for her because of personal or school issues. Retail jobs often have the most flexible schedules.

As a former retail worker, I have many fond memories, but I also remember those people, from all levels of society, who believe that service industry employees are somehow less than human, temporary slaves to be treated as they see fit, and subjected to all manner of poor behavior without recourse.

I think you should consider this an excellent opportunity to educate your readers.

She's never had a real job. Just clueless.

[Imogene]

Retail employees have no less right to say "No!" to unwanted touching than any other human being.

"I need an adult!"

Also:
Seems like Abby's gonna be getting a lot of letters from "The customer's not always right" or variations thereof...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It's a little long, but here goes:

Dear Abby:

As a current retail employee, I was dismayed to read your response to Nicki in Maryland regarding customers touching her while she is doing her job.

Retail workers are people just like you and I, and some people, such as myself, are very protective of their personal space and react negatively to strangers touching them without permission. I would view grabbing an employee by the arm to drag them someplace as being especially rude.

To me, speaking with management, staying out of arms reach of people, and finding jobs that keep you away from people are not always possible in retail settings. And some people are in retail because they have to be; they can't find other jobs, so telling somebody to find a different job isn't the right answer either.

If a customer touches me without my permission, I will politely ask them not to do it again. I also do not reach out and grab a total stranger in a store to ask them a question. I do not think I should be made to feel bad for insisting on the same courtesy I show to others in my position.

Signed,
The customer Isn't Always Right

[Saydrah]

Dear Abby,

I beg to disagree with your response to Nicki in Maryland, who was bothered by customers continually touching her at her place of work. As a former retail employee, I was shocked to see that you recommended she merely speak with her supervisor, but not address the problem directly with the persons invading her personal space.

Retail employees have no less right to say "No!" to unwanted touching than any other human being. Moreover, a corporate culture of respect for employees fosters a healthy work environment, which is far more important to sales than the retention of a single pushy, touchy customer who does not respect employees. Happy employees confident in the support of their supervisor sell with smiles on their faces, rather than selling at arm's length with the continual fear of unwanted touch.

You should have advised Nicki to step away from customers who touch her without permission, smile, and say, "I'm sorry, but I am not comfortable with you touching me," and to call a supervisor to assist the customer in her place if touching continues.

Signed,
The Customer's Not Always Right

[gunsage]

Dear Abby:

**** you.

Magical sunshines and rainbows,



Gun Sage

P.S. Giving people bad advice in a nationally recognized column in an equally recognized newspaper could, as you stated, lose YOU a customer. Just a thought.

[technical.angel]

I believe all they have is the contact form. Permission to publish and all that.

[poofy_puff]

I was going to write, "The kind of job where not allowing someone to touch you would "lose a customer" exists in Nevada and certain types of strip clubs."

BUT - Do you have to do it with the contact form they give you, or is there an email address to which one can send it directly? If not, I'll just give them some address other than my own.

[csever01]

Well, after reading all of this, I just had to write in, too. I couldn't resist. Here's my two cents' worth:

I read your response to Nicki the retail employee today, and I have to say I am disappointed. Your response makes it sound as though you view Nicki as less of a person than her customers.

I also work in customer service, and it feels very condescending when a customer physically touches me. It crosses a line and becomes an issue of manners between two strangers rather than courtesy between staff and customers.

You would do well to think of how you might feel if this happened to you. I seriously doubt you would welcome it.

Abby makes me angry sometimes.

[Sparky]

I think it's her daughter, Pauline Phillips that's writing it now.

Actually, it's her daughter Jeanine Phillips. Pauline Ester Friedman was the original dear abby -- pen name Abigail Van Buren.

My paper ran Ann Landers (Abby's twin sister, Ester Pauline Friedman) until her death and I miss her. I often find I don't like the current Abby's advice. She's too much of a lightweight. Both the Friedman ladies had guts and chutzpah, and lots of common sense. I don't think Jeanine's good at seeing the whole picture.

[poofy_puff]

I bet Miss Manners would say something different! We need to get the two of them in a wrestling ring - SMACKDOWN - Dear Abby Vs. Miss Manners!

YEA!

[technical.angel]

Here's my response

Dear Abby,

I was very disappointed in your response to NICKI IN MARYLAND, the sales associate who wanted to know how to deal with people touching her.

No matter your job, you should not have to deal with people invading your personal space!

Niki should talk to her manager about how she should respond to the people who are dragging her to different parts of the store, but telling her to consider a new line of work was completely inappropriate.

FORMER SALES ASSOCIATE IN MO

[cinnamaniac]

I didn't mean to imply "deal with it" in my message. Just that when dealing with the public that one has to expect all manners of poor behavior.

Is touching OK? No. Is it going to happen? Yes.

For those for this is a big issue, and you're certainly within your boundaries here, I would suggest talking to your supervisor about a reasonable response. You don't want to blurt back "HEY DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, BIATCH, DON'T MAKE ME PUT A CAP IN YO ASS" ... on the other hand, you don't want to just take it.

Somewhere in between is a happy compromise.

I realize it was your post I referenced earlier, but not because I felt like you personally were saying "deal with it" but because you were the person that mentioned Abby was trying to make clear that something like that is unavoidable and I completely agree with you on that.

Although I don't wish for a stranger to invade my personal space, I most definitely wouldn't yell at them for touching me on the hand when asking me a question or something similar. The problem is that not everyone is able to do that, many people have and will freak out the second they are touched. It seems like whomever is writing for 'Dear Abby' almost lives in a perfect world themselves, where the customer is always right and the customer is allowed to do as they please to a worker without much of a reaction.

Honestly, I feel that what you just said, talking to a supervisor, should have been the answer in that column. She should have been advised to talk to a supervisor about it or ask a supervisor for advice on how to deal with that situation in the future, since its apparently a recurring problem.