Dear Abby??

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I am executing a social faux pas, but I am skipping the plain triple-dare and going straight for the "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!"

Woah, she doesnt' play around, folks. Right for the throat!

[Lace Neil Singer]

Luckily in my present job, so far no-one's done anything like that to me; however, I don't like being touched at all. While I will hug and kiss close friends, relatives and my boyf, I still don't like either grabbing me when I'm unawares, or being too touchy feely in public (pub does not count, in the middle of a shopping centre does!). If a customer tried to grab my arm, I would pull away from them; if they tried again, I would call a supervisor. I don't know what universe Abby lives in, but in this one it is NOT acceptable anywhere to manhandle a shop assistant; it will get you in major trouble.

[Difdi]

Unwanted touching is assault. If it causes injury, even a minor injury (bruises, sore muscles, wrenched joints) it then becomes battery. And there's the potential for sexual harassment in there as well (does the SC only get touchy with female employees, for example?)

Assault, battery and sexual harassment are not a valid part of most businesses (barring some whorehouses), and expecting an employee to simply overlook them in order to make a sale or make the customer (sucky or otherwise) feel welcome at the place of business is not reasonable.

Personally, I rarely deal with the general public of any kind in my own job, but it does happen on occasion. I've been grabbed before, however, and my response tends to scale by the offense.

1) Unwanted touch: shake off touch, inform person that unwanted touching is a crime of assault, and not tolerated. I'll even give the benefit of the doubt to obviously distraught repeated touches, but I'll get firmer (and louder) as this goes on.

2) Grabbing/pulling/wrenching, as well as repeated touches after the warning in #1, will result in a non-painful but quite effective aikido based joint-lock and an explanation that I am not required by my job to submit to assault, battery, and/or sexual harassment.

3) I've only once had a customer go beyond the reaction in #2, and it resulted in him face down on the floor, in a very painful submission hold, with me sitting on his back, on my cellphone calling the police. He had 6 inches on me and outweighed me by over 100 pounds, with a bodybuilder's physique. I am, to put it mildly, more than a little fat and quite harmless-looking. Management backed me all the way on it, so I got to keep my job (and though I did get the offer of transferring to being a bouncer out of the deal, I like tech support better).

[MadMike]

I saw this one, and wasn't very happy with it either.

I was a bit high-strung back in my retail days. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but there have been a few times when I someone came to my desk and tried to get my attention by tapping me on the shoulder, which practically sent me thru the ceiling. And another time, out of pure reflex, I almost punched a coworker who thought it would be funny to grab me while I was crouched down and stocking a low shelf. I can only imagine how much trouble I would have been if it had been a customer I had taken a swing at.

Good replies, everyone, especially the one that wouldn't get printed in a million years. Hopefully I see some of them in a future column.

[Pagan]

You shouldn't use the bloody end...then they'll just come after you for the dry cleaning bill...

Crap. Didn't think of that!

This occurred to me after I sent my note, but I find it telling that "Nicki" is female. If "Nicki" were "Nicholas" I doubt the letter would ever have been written.

Exactly. For some reason, it is still seen as acceptable to be touch-feely with women.

[Andara Bledin]

Just a note, but you can put 000-000-0000 for each of the phone number entries.

Dear Abby,

I read your recent response to NICKI IN MARYLAND, and was appalled at the seeming callousness of your response.

While the advice to discuss the matter with her supervisor is excellent, the suggestion that it is somehow acceptable for strangers to grab or otherwise manhandle service workers is distressing.

While I, personally, have no issues with others touching me to get my attention, I would never presume to invade another person's space without their permission. And your advice appears to condone just such an action.

Also, even if NICKI were to find another position, that would still do nothing to solve the issue of unwanted personal contact. I am disappointed that you did not take the time in your reply to NICKI to also advise those reading who might be guilty of unwanted touching that it is not acceptable behavior from a civilized person.

Signed, RESPECTFUL TO SERVICE WORKERS

^-.-^

[BookstoreEscapee]

"Dear Abby,
You might find that I will pull off your arm and beat you about the head with the bloody end!

You shouldn't use the bloody end...then they'll just come after you for the dry cleaning bill...

I saw this one this morning and it pissed me off, too. I wrote my own note:

Dear Abby,
I was very disappointed by your response to Nicki in Maryland, who wrote about being touched by customers in her retail job. Just because she is a retail employee does not mean her right to her body is left in the parking lot when she comes to work every day. A simple “Excuse me, could you help me find X item” is sufficient - there is absolutely no reason for a customer to physically pull an employee along to receive help in finding something. I am amazed that you would condone such behavior. Would you give the same advice to someone who wrote that they were frequently grabbed by the arm by people asking for directions on the street? I sincerely doubt that you would.

I agree that Nicki should speak with her supervisor to come up with an appropriate response, but the suggestion that she should just put up with it or find another job was way out of line. Most retail employees do not have the option of simply working “elsewhere” in the store where there is less customer contact. In my 10-plus years of retail experience, everyone is expected to be able to work in any area of the store; there are no positions with little or no customer contact, and it is not always possible to “stay out of arm’s reach.” Besides, maybe Nicki likes her job. Maybe she’s planning a future with that company. Maybe there are not a lot of other options in her area. Maybe she is in school or has small children and the flexible schedule works well for her life. There are any number of reasons to stay in a job, and the presence of rude customers who don’t know when to keep their hands to themselves should not be a reason to leave it. And if a customer will walk out simply because an employee politely told them a touch was unwelcome, that is not a customer I care to keep.

Signed,
Respect My Personal Space, Please

This occurred to me after I sent my note, but I find it telling that "Nicki" is female. If "Nicki" were "Nicholas" I doubt the letter would ever have been written.

[Pagan]

"Dear Abby,

I wish to register a complaint...."

I didn't think to save and post my response to Abby here. Suffice to say that mine is along the same lines as the others that are here.

How can she possibly think it's alright for customers to touch us without warning or our permission? I'm not currently in retail right now (had an epiphany and went back to school), but I suffered through 11 years. It shouldn't matter if we're at work or not, nobody, but nobody has the right to invade your personal space and touch you. And grabbing and pulling me somewhere? You might find that I will pull off your arm and beat you about the head with the bloody end!

[Becks]

Just find a new job? It's not as easy as waiting for our mother to die in order to inherit her advice column Abby....

Ooooooooooooh, how evil.

Maybe I should steal permanently borrow that.

[Chanlin]

Actually I would prefer a more passive aggressive approach.

Write in about the exact same issue IE personal space and being touched, but just write that it happens as an everyday occurrence and ask how to handle it without mentioning that you are a retail or service employee and see if the answer changes any.

[gunsage]

If I really went through with, I'd probably start with "Dear Grabby."

[mariamousie1]

Maybe she means not to tell them rudely? Like instead of saying "Get the hell out of my personal space before I beat the crap out of you," say "Excuse me, but could you please not touch me so much? It makes me uncomfortable." She should say that though. Bleh.

[FuzzyKitten99]

I double dog dare you.

I am executing a social faux pas, but I am skipping the plain triple-dare and going straight for the "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!"

[BusBus]

Just find a new job? It's not as easy as waiting for our mother to die in order to inherit her advice column Abby....

[Lace Neil Singer]

I double dog dare you.