Dear Abby??

[technical.angel]

Does anything negative about her ever get published?

Yes, usually a few weeks after posting the first letter, she'll post letters that agree or disagree with her stances. I doubt she'll get any that agree with her on it, but hopefully with the number we alone have sent, we might see something in the future.

I visit Dear Abby nearly daily, so I'll let everyone know if she responds.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

I know that her mother sometimes had the 'mea culpa' letters. She did publish 'I got an earful telling me what was wrong with the advice that I gave & I admit fault' columns. I have no idea if the current Dear Abby ever has.

[Kyree]

[I]

I seriously wonder if she's going to respond to any of these, or even publish them?

Does anything negative about her ever get published?

[iradney]

Dear Abby

I am very disappointed to read your response to Nicki, regarding the customers that invade her personal space.

It is unacceptable to tell someone to like it or lump it when it comes to their personal bubble. It is Nicki's body, and it is therefore her right to tell people if they can, or cannot, touch her.

Her body remains her property no matter where or when she works. To touch someone without their permission is a form of assault, and can sometimes trigger fight or flight responses.

Retail workers are human too. They have the most thankless jobs in the industry, and to deny them this small dignity is to further perpetuate the incorrect view that they are merely drones that have to do your bidding.

Shame on you!

I seriously wonder if she's going to respond to any of these, or even publish them?

[crazylegs]

Pedersen,

I'm sure that will sting when its read, does anyone know of these letters have made it onto her site yet?

[Pedersen]

Fortunately, I did see it. Here's my letter:

Dear Abby,

I've just read your response to Nicki in Maryland (you wrote it here: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080323 ), and I'm rather apalled.

You've told people to respect pregnant mothers by not touching them (see http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20070506 ).

You've told people not to touch service animals, as they working, and are not pets (see http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20071229 ).

And yet, your response to Nicki amounts to "lump it or leave it"? Service workers are not even to be accorded the same respect as a dog in a harness?

Quite frankly, you blew it. You had the perfect opportunity to remind your readers that service workers have some of the hardest and most thankless jobs in the country. That interacting with them is something that they should do with at least courtesy.

Your reply gave permission to all your readers to engage in touching complete strangers.

It's a sad day when we have stooped so low as to be unwilling to admit that the people who make our food, who make sure we get the goods and services we need, who basically take care of us, are not deserving of even as much respect as a working dog.

Shame on you Abby.

Disappointed ex-Service Worker

[Kyree]

So, you shouldn't touch a dog while he's working but a fellow human being who is wearing a nametag, you should feel free to drag around the store and treat like a slave or worse.

This woman is out of her fucking gourd.

I wish I would have seen that before I wrote my letter.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, well, well.

Seems in certain situations, it's NOT okay to touch others. Apparently, if you are a pregnant woman, Abby advises the touchee to speak up for herself:

http://m.floridatoday.com/news.jsp?key=19303

And, frankly, I'm flabbergasted to learn that she advises people to not touch service dogs while they are working, if you can get your head around that in the light of all this:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/featur...1767414.column

So, you shouldn't touch a dog while he's working but a fellow human being who is wearing a nametag, you should feel free to drag around the store and treat like a slave or worse.

This woman is out of her fucking gourd.

[myswtghst]

I, too, sent a response, similar to those above, but forgot to copy it to paste it in here. Suffice to say, I commented that I was upset with her response, and that "get another job" was never a suitable response.

I also mentioned that perhaps by gently giving negative reinforcement to these customers, we can train them into better customers, who would not touch a stranger without their permission. Here's hoping.

[k386trl]

I sent in a response also, along the lines of what you guys said. Hopefully she posts an apology to Nicki.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

I weighed in as well

Ms. Phillips, have you ever worked in retail? Your response to Nicki in Maryland leads me to doubt that.

It is not respectful to invade someone else's personal space. It is not respectful to grab a stranger by the arm, unless you are falling down. Even then, it's merely excusable, not polite.

As someone who as worked in retail and as someone who is not particularly sensitive about being touched, I heartily disagree with your advice. It contributes to the attitude of 'service people are less. They are not worthy of respect' that permeates our culture.

While it may, depending on the specific incident, be good advice to seek input from a supervisor; 'get another job' is not. Depending on the employment opportunities, that may not be possible. There may not be any jobs that are not customer service-oriented available. Or perhaps Nicki is a student and that's the best job that fits her schedule.

The problem with the 'customer is always right' theory of customer service is that it has been abused. If customers were always polite, understanding and reasonable it would be viable. As it is, they aren't and it isn't.

Signed,
Disappointed in Abby

[Record Store Tough Guy]

Probably a little rambling, but here's what I ended up sending.

Abby,

Your advice to Nicki was at best misguided, and at worst, irresponsible. By telling her that she should allow people to touch her inappropriately for fear of losing a customer gives implicit permission for rude people to ignore good manners and common sense, and fosters an attitude that retail workers are somehow less than human.

It is NEVER acceptable for someone to touch another person, especially once the toucher has been asked to stop. Not to mention grabbing someone and dragging them along could be considered Assault and Battery in some jurisdictions.

Along those lines, here's something else to consider: quite a few people with Martial Arts experience are trained to react without thinking in just such a situation, and could hurt someone quite seriously before realizing what they had done. Please consider that the next time you side with someone who can't keep their hands to themselves.

Respectfully,
Likes his Personal Space

[powerboy]

What would possess someone to touch a stranger, retail worker or not? I have never touched a retail worker unless they were handing me bags. That is such a foreign concept to me. You'd better believe someone grabs my arm to pull me somewhere, they're going to lose a hand...

And this is why people have no business touching people they don't know. I can overlook a light touch on the arm, depending on context, but to be grabbed and violently dragged somewhere? Without warning? You're asking for chin'na #1.

Some people are trained to react without thinking, and could potentially hurt someone before they realized it.

Truly the same with me

[SuperB]

Here's my response:

I'm afraid you missed the mark in your response to Nicki in Maryland who works in retail and was asking how to advise customers that it is not ok to touch her. Telling her to find a job that isn't retail implies that you agree that a customer has the right to touch and invade an employees personal space. This is not true. There are many reasons one does not want to be touched by a complete stranger. Touching someone's hand will transfer germs. What if someone grabs the arm of an employee who has been through an abusive relationship or an attack? Such an act can trigger Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
The customer is not always right and does not have the right to touch an employee for any reason. The employee has every right to expect the customer to behave properly. As the owner of my own business I would most definitely back up any employee who politely asked a customer to respect their space.

Signed,
In defense of personal space

[Record Store Tough Guy]

I used to react very violently to anybody touching me from behind. I still don't like being touched, especially by somebody I don't know, or unexpectedly.

And this is why people have no business touching people they don't know. I can overlook a light touch on the arm, depending on context, but to be grabbed and violently dragged somewhere? Without warning? You're asking for chin'na #1.

Some people are trained to react without thinking, and could potentially hurt someone before they realized it.

Maybe I should point that out to Abby...