Dear Abby??

[Evil Queen]

I'd like to see Miss Manner's teach Dear Abby a few things.

[Andara Bledin]

In a 1995 interview by Virginia Shea, she said:

You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...There are plenty of people who say, 'We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable.

She grew up the daughter of an economist for the UN, so she travelled a lot as a child. I can't find reference to what she did before journalism, but she's been in journalism for a very long time.

^-.-^

[Aethian]

Didn't Miss Manners once say that she worked in the service industry before she started at the paper and then got into the advice area?

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

*ding* *ding* *ding* Ladies & Gentlemen. We have a KO in the 1st round! Victory to Miss Manners with a direct cut.

[StormCMage]

I bet Miss Manners would say something different! We need to get the two of them in a wrestling ring - SMACKDOWN - Dear Abby Vs. Miss Manners!

YEA!

well first I want to say hi, details later...


anyways, while not exactly the same, Miss Manners did say this:

"Dear Miss Manners,
I have been working/managing at Cold Stone Creamery for four years now, and I have yet to figure out how to handle exceptionally obnoxious customers. I understand being picky and that the customer is always right, but when I was cursed at a few months ago by a customer because she thought her ice cream was too expensive (even though she was charged for what she ordered), I started to wonder, when do I get to stand up for myself?

I would never curse back, but what is the protocol for handling people like this? I know it's a difficult situation, but I was hoping you could help.

Gentle Reader,
As you well know, the customer is not always right; and that slogan has done a lot of damage. Miss Manners would think it more reasonable now to change this to "We don't stoop to the behavior of our customers." It is not a matter of standing up for yourself, but of maintaining the tone of the company you represent.

Customers who yell or threaten should be asked to leave the store, which you, as a manager, should empower your employees to do. Those who are merely difficult should be met with icy politeness: "That is the clearly stated price, madam. I'm sure that in the future you will want to buy your ice cream elsewhere." "

so yeah, Miss Manners wins!

[Pedersen]

They generally don't let anyone touch the strippers, either!

Which is a damned shame, let me tell you. Well, at least when it comes to some of them.

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What, I can't make a tasteless joke?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

They generally don't let anyone touch the strippers, either!

Beat me to it.

[Pagan]

They generally don't let anyone touch the strippers, either!

[Sylvia727]

Here's my shot:

Dear Abby,

I am writing in response to Nicki in Maryland, the retail worker who asked you for advice on dealing with pushy and grabby customers. I was horrified to read your advice; that standing up for her rights as a human being could lose her store business, and that if she is unwilling to be manhandled then she should look for work in a different industry.

Nicki has the right to protect herself from unwanted touching. A polite request should be more than sufficient, and any customer who insists on continuing this aggressive behavior should find him or herself faced with a restraining order, or at least a banning from the store.

In an increasingly violent society, many people are taking martial arts classes in order to protect themselves from assault. If your readers physically harass strangers, then they shouldn’t be surprised when one reacts instinctively to defend herself.

Nicki is not a stripper, and wearing a nametag does not invalidate her humanity. Advising your readers to treat service workers as less than people is irresponsible and borders on abusive. Shame on you, Abby.

--Sylvia in the Service Industry

It's not as forceful as I'd like, but hopefully she'll listen and apologize, or at least apologize.

[technical.angel]

From what I've seen it does take several weeks for response letters to be published. If I get bored today (what am I saying, I'm already bored!!), I'll try to track down about how long we need to wait.

[wagegoth]

Not yet. Keep those letters rolling in.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Wonder if she posted any of these letters?

[Eric the Grey]

Fortunately, I did see it. Here's my letter:

Dear Abby,

I've just read your response to Nicki in Maryland (you wrote it here: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080323 ), and I'm rather apalled.

You've told people to respect pregnant mothers by not touching them (see http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20070506 ).

You've told people not to touch service animals, as they working, and are not pets (see http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20071229 ).

And yet, your response to Nicki amounts to "lump it or leave it"? Service workers are not even to be accorded the same respect as a dog in a harness?

Quite frankly, you blew it. You had the perfect opportunity to remind your readers that service workers have some of the hardest and most thankless jobs in the country. That interacting with them is something that they should do with at least courtesy.

Your reply gave permission to all your readers to engage in touching complete strangers.

It's a sad day when we have stooped so low as to be unwilling to admit that the people who make our food, who make sure we get the goods and services we need, who basically take care of us, are not deserving of even as much respect as a working dog.

Shame on you Abby.

Disappointed ex-Service Worker

Pedersen, this is most likely the best response I've seen, including my own.

Yes, usually a few weeks after posting the first letter, she'll post letters that agree or disagree with her stances. I doubt she'll get any that agree with her on it, but hopefully with the number we alone have sent, we might see something in the future.

I visit Dear Abby nearly daily, so I'll let everyone know if she responds.

Please do. I would never have seen it if it weren't posted here. I'm interested in seeing what she has to say for herself.

My response wasn't quite as elegant as others posted here, but I did make my point clear without resorting to insults or profanity.



Eric the Grey

[Titi]

Here is my comment.

Dear Abby,

Your message to Nikki in Maryland upset me a bit.

Why may you ask?

Maybe because you didn't answer to girl's question. Her question to you was for a polite way to ask people not to touch her without coming off as rude.

You answered to ask her supervisor or get a new job.

Why didn't you just give a reasonable response that she could have given such as, "I'm sorry, but I really do not like being touched." Or any other form of that. I know that those work because I used them in my 10 years in retail and only one person got offended.

[rts]

Clearly Dear Abby has never worked in retail. Customers who do not respect your personal space are usually the ones that also have outrageouse demands and expect to be given stuff for free. Those are the ones worth losing.

Abby is a self appointed expert....that explains her lack of understanding on anything in the real world!