Strip Jousting

[Chazzie]

Biohazard
Me: “Good evening, <company>.”
SC: “Oh, hello. I was having some trouble with my phone….and this was the only number I could remember.”
Me: “..ok”
SC: “You’re the receiver of my experiment.”

Well, that was strangely ominous. Right. Ok, if anyone comes in this morning, and I’m not here but you’re reading my shift report: Check the stairwell. I couldn’t have made it that far. If I lunge at you, aim for the head. Body shots probably won’t do it and whatever you do don’t let me bite anyone lest I spread the virus. If you come in and just find me dead on the floor shoot me in the head anyway. Always, always shoot the corpses. They’re never really dead. If you walk too close and I start chewing your ankle it’s your own damn fault for not listening to me.

Oh, and bring an ink ribbon. Don’t ask why. Just do it.

Don't forget to use your Engineer boots to stomp the limbs and head off. Also, stay away from the air vents. Sure, it's a different reference, but I like plasma cutters. ):

[Plaidman]

geas.... geas.... does this mean GK is a gamer?

[Nyx]

On a whim I googled "I was dropped on my head as a baby balloons", obviously didn't find any. But googling "I was dropped on my head as a baby" got me this fellow:

Mayhaps he was your caller?

[Chromatix]

Just for reference, in the International Phonetic Alphabet, the relevant words are Mike and November. But seeing as it is *presently* November, that might not have helped your caller...

[Shards]

I can't be the only person who sort of wants to see this...seriously, I wish we could sentence our worst SC's to an ordeal of Strip Crotch Salmon Jousting, which we would then get to watch.

Better yet: offer to give them whatever discount/item/physically impossible thing they are yammering about, if they can defeat the champion.

I would PAY to watch that.

I actually think it could be fun to compete in. I vote we have any posters who want to compete, and anyone else who wants to watch, can.

Just as long as Marty enters

(Sorry, Marty, that was evil of me, I was just pointing out the first person on these boards I know to be female who came to mind.)

[Becks]

I promise I'm going to make that much more horrifying than sexy.

And once again, I am disappointed by a tease. *sigh*

[jerkface11]

….so what your telling me is not only is your upstairs neighbor playing the original Pac-Man, but he sucks at it and is banging on the floor in frustration as a result? How do you fail at Pac-Man?

Are you serious? Pac-Man is UNBEATABLE. Modern games are all too easy when I was a kid I had tons of games i could never beat. Some I played for years. Now? A good one will last me a month.

[Broomjockey]

That's because most of the games then didn't actually have an end point, since the score was what you were worried about. The games just recycled the levels and sped them up.

[jerkface11]

Even the ones that had an end point were nearly impossible. Did anyone beat Contra without cheating?

[Shards]

I have actually beaten Toy Story for the Sega Genesis, without getting up or taking a break.

Yeah, now I know I have no life.

[KhirasHY]

Even the ones that had an end point were nearly impossible. Did anyone beat Contra without cheating?

Once, when I was a kid I didn't know the cheats, and it was summer vacation...

[Jester]

Humour me, cunt flap. There’s a method to my madness.

...you insipid, halfwitted, scamming werebitch.

These two comments just made my day. Thank you, GK. Thank you.

(Of course, my day just started about two hours ago, and I have yet to leave my apartment, so this may not last as the day maker, I must tell you.)

You need the flashy that says you've ruined christmas!!! Now you can join the (not so) elite droves of CSRs to claim the ahem, "priviledge"...

I've been thinking about this for a little while now. 22+ years in customer service, the vast majority of it in the food service industry, and apparently the only person's Christmas I've ever ruined was my own. Interesting. Very, very interesting.

And yet another reason I am glad I have never worked retail.

What you must do is DEFEAT the champ, salmo-a-salmo. Once you've won, you can distribute the pants as you wish which may bring you years of peace.

Not so fast, my friend.

Since we don't know the rules of Salmon Crotch Jousting, you are only assuming that defeating the Champion allows one to do with the horde of pants as one will. But that may not be the case. There may well be a Salmon Crotch Jousting Code of Honor that even the Champion must adhere to. And part of that Code, I would not doubt, would be the hording of the pants. It may well be a breach of honor to distribute the pants, and not horde them. It may even anger the rest of the tribe. Would you be willing to take that chance, of potentially pissing off a bunch of pink camo-wearing, COD-ordering, pantsless Great White Northerners?

Based on GK's dealings with them, I would definitely have second thoughts about such an undertaking.

[otakuneko]

I have a sinking feeling that his name is Dave.

If that be the case, I think I shall avoid the Republic of Dave.

[cinema guy]

On a whim I googled "I was dropped on my head as a baby balloons", obviously didn't find any. But googling "I was dropped on my head as a baby" got me this fellow:

I violated rule one, and when I saw him I regreted it!

[DesignFox]

Biohazard

Me: “Good evening, <company>.”
SC: “Oh, hello. I was having some trouble with my phone….and this was the only number I could remember.”
Me: “..ok”
SC: “You’re the receiver of my experiment.”

Well, that was strangely ominous. Right. Ok, if anyone comes in this morning, and I’m not here but you’re reading my shift report: Check the stairwell. I couldn’t have made it that far. If I lunge at you, aim for the head. Body shots probably won’t do it and whatever you do don’t let me bite anyone lest I spread the virus. If you come in and just find me dead on the floor shoot me in the head anyway. Always, always shoot the corpses. They’re never really dead. If you walk too close and I start chewing your ankle it’s your own damn fault for not listening to me.

Oh, and bring an ink ribbon. Don’t ask why. Just do it.

Love the Resident Evil references! I hated when you'd run out of the damn ink ribbons......