"I Don't Work Here" megathread

[protege]

I got the "are you the paperboy" question one day while on my route. Some stupid woman nearly hit me with her car, so I flipped her off. She promptly threw it into reverse, dropped the window, and proceeded to bitch about how she'd "have my job for that." Being the smartass (or if you prefer, hehe) I am, I remember saying something along the lines of "no you idiot, I'm only dragging this wagon filled with papers along for the hell of it." She wasn't too pleased, but there wasn't much she could do about it--other than calling the paper's 1-800 number. Since I didn't give her my name or route number, there wasn't a damn thing she could complain about.

[Rapscallion]

SC: "So you won't help me with a bra fitting?"

The correct response in this situation is to pass her along to a balding, bearded colleague who has thick glasses and is rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

What? What? I'm allowed an easy one from time to time...

Rapscallion

[Knifeman]

I can't see why people could be so upset about the Best Buy thing.

Unless they were violating the maximum occupancy of that building(and from what I saw, they weren't), it really isn't a problem at all. Of course, the actual floor workers didn't mind it at all, from what I saw. Only the managorial self important pomps really freaked out and started screaming "Thomas Crown Affair!".

[scorpionf]

This happens to me all the time... I have no idea why, maybe I just attract the nutters.

Anyway, some of the more memorable ones:

- I was in K-Mart picking up some deodorant an lipgloss cause k-mart had the brands I like on special. (I was wearing jeans and a HBK WWE t-shirt). I was also in a foul mood this day.

SC: "Can you tell me where the kids clothes are?"
Me: "I do not work here"
SC: "Are you sure?"
Me: "I am positive"
SC: "Can't you tell me where the kids clothes are anyway?"
Me: "I do not know where they are, I do NOT work here lady"
SC: "I want to get my shopping done, why won't you help me?"
Me: "What a surprise, I am trying to get my shopping done as well"
SC: "I am going to tell your manager how bad your customer service is"
Me: "Go to hell"
2 minutes later, the SC returns with the manager in tow and points to me and says how unhelpful and ruse I am and she want disciplibary action taken. The poor manager was trying his hardest to laugh, and I just started cackling like a hyena!

- In Coles (not the Coles I worked at, and this happened when I was no longer working for Coles anyway). I was in the health food section picking up sunflower kernels, pine nuts etc...Wearing baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt with a chicken holding a gun on it.

SC: (comes up with 2 different packs of dried apricots) "How much are these?"
Me: "I don't work here"
SC: "Can't you tell me anyway?"
Me: "My crystal ball is broken"
SC: "What is your name?"
Me: "Fairy Princess"
SC: "Show me your name tag"
Me: (turns to face her) "Are you still there, I thought I told you I didn't work here"
SC: "Why not?"
Me: "Well, why don't you get a job and work here then?" (walks away)

- In David Jones, and in DJ's appearance is of the utmost importance for the staff. I was buying bras, and I was wearing jeans and an old ripped t-shirt (I love the ripped clothes look).

SC: "I want to try this on" (waves a bra in my face)
Me: "Why not grab the PA and announce that to the whole store then?"
SC: "Where are the fitting rooms?"
Me: "Under the big sign that says Fitting Rooms"
SC: "Aren't you going to show me where they are?"
Me: "Nope"
SC: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I do not work here"
SC: "So you won't help me with a bra fitting?"
Me: "Hell no!"
SC: "Are you sure you don't work here?"
Me: "I am 100% positive I do not work here, I never have worked here, and I never will"
SC: "Can't you help me with my bra fitting anyway?"
Me: "If you do not go away, I will tell you exactly where you can fit that bra..."

[stickycoins]

[QUOTE=Kusanagi]On topic threadjack:

http://www.improveverywhere.com/miss...?mission_id=57

I posted this on the board before the hack and I thought it was funny too. But most people here didn't take too kindly to it.

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

Why they think it is acceptable to approach me while I'm wearing cut-off jean shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt (obviously not working) is beyond me.

It's because you exist on earth to serve them. You don't have your "free" time or "off" time, because they are the customer and serving them is your JOB, it is what you get PAID TO DO, even if you aren't getting paid at the moment.

Believe me, they would call you at home if they got ahold of your phone number.

[Greenday]

On topic threadjack:

http://www.improveverywhere.com/miss...?mission_id=57

Anyone who has ever been asked if they worked somewhere they didn't will LOVE this.

Carry on

That is freaking hilarious! I wish I could get in on something like that. We should do this at eachothers stores. Hell, at my one job, alls you need is a red polo shirt and khakis pants or shorts. That's it. I even wear a shirt from home that isn't my work shirt and my bosses don't notice.

[Kogarashi]

I've only had this happen once, personally, but it was still amusing.

My husband and I were shopping at Wal-Mart once, cart and all, and were looking through the electronics section when someone came up and asked me where something was. Now, I was wearing jeans (not allowed at Wal-Mart except on special days), a t-shirt (also not allowed), a red fleece vest, and my blue jacket tied around my waist. I'll admit that at a casual across-the-store glance, I might appear to be a CSM, but once you approach and see the lack of a name badge or the "How May I Help You?" emblazoned across the back of the vest, it should be obvious. But no, I had to explain twice that I didn't work there, but the item in question might be over there.

My husband gets this more often, but then he has the misfortune of wearing his solid red shirt in Target and his solid blue shirt in Best Buy or other blue-shirted establishments. He doesn't even plan this; we just happen to go to those stores on a day when he's dressed like an employee.

[Kusanagi]

On topic threadjack:

http://www.improveverywhere.com/miss...?mission_id=57

Anyone who has ever been asked if they worked somewhere they didn't will LOVE this.

Carry on

[Think Blue]

I always get these people. It's not like I look professional when I go to the store (Sports team shirt, jeans or shorts, sandals and unshaven), but apparently this look is the official look of any store I go to.

1. Buying Groceries- I was in the parking lot and found a stray cart near my car so I grabbed and I see and old man waiving his arms and yelling to get my attention. I casually walk over to him and when I get there he says that took a while, dumbfounded I say well it's hot I'm in sandals and I don't feel like running.

The old coot responds with gimmie the cart, I say no the carts are right behind you (about 2 feet). So he yells at me about how I'm giving bad service and how he'll have my job and I'm stupid. So I tell him I don't work there and he counters with the classic I'm gonna tell the manager about you.


2.At the gym- I was in a tanktop and some track pants, getting a good workout and some idiot comes up to me while on the treadmill and grabs my shoulder. I had it low speed (just started) so I was able to not fall on my butt. What was so important that this idiot had to stop me and risk me injuring my self? He says staff isn't allowed to use this equipment during work hours.
Me:wtf are you talking about dude.
Stupid:You have to give up machines for customers.
Me:Eh, I don't work here
Stupid:Well you're in shape so I was thinkin that you were staff
Me:So being in shape means I'm staff
Stupid:Well next time don't look like staff so I don't get confursed (yes he said confursed) Yeah I really look like staff considering they wear shirts with company logos on them.

3.Prom- My senior prom was held at a fancy hotel. I was in a black tux and my gf was in one of those pink frilly prom type dresses. The dress code for workers there were nice slacks a dress shirt and a gaudy lime green vest. Anways we were going down to the lobby and as we exit some lady asks me where the red elevator is. I reply with I think it's near the exit. I think was not good enough for her as she berated me on how crappy I'm doing my job how I was getting reported this second. I tell her I don't work there, but she wouldnt believe me. Anways we went to our prom and who comes barging through the doors, but the lady and the manager. At this point it's a slow dance and she is frantically pointing towards me and how I'm a bad employee. Man she must have been bumed when the manager told her how dumb she was.

[Imogene]

I have found working in a mall that Im expected to know where everything is, despite my stand being TWO METERS from a mall map...... I dont freaking know where shoppers drug mart is why dont you use your eyes you you you lazy wood panel!

I distinctly remember a day at Chesterfield where I was heading up to the food court, using the escalator! Oh my, I must've just gotten promoted... when a random mall person turns around and looks down at me on the escalator (let me tell you, that's difficult, I usually tower over people in Chesterfield, even while on the lower step on the escalator) and asks where the Banna Republic is, or some clothing store like that... I look down at my black, collared shirt and slightly torn khakis, and beat up black tennis shoes, and a missing sock, and wonder what the hell made her think I knew where any fashion stores were in the mall, but calmly kept that opinion to myself as I pointed up to the wing of the mall. "I think it's up there..." She seemed happy about it, and off we went our separate ways. Only on my way back down did I realize Banana Republic was downstairs.

[Dips]

This almost never happens to me, but just last week I got a doozy.

I was on a cruise with my family and in-laws. On my way to breakfast a lady RAN across the ship to me and demanded to know where she could purchase Platex tampons.

I told her that there were tampons available in all the public ladies restrooms on the ship for free; they could also be delivered to her stateroom if she requested it.

Nope, the ship carried the wrong brand. She had to have Playtex.

Oh, well. I shrugged and told her to check the ship's store.

Turns out the store was closed because we were anchored off Belize City (local regulations don't allow ships to have stores open while in port).

I suggested she take a tender ashore and try to find them there.

She couldn't wait that long. It was an emergency *cough:: poor planning ::cough*.

Some emergency. If it was that urgent she would take what was available and be grateful for it.

What was really funny was that she kept trying to make me care. Look, Lady, I just came up with several perfectly good solutions to your problem out of the goodness of my heart. The choices are A and B. The fact that you don't like either A or B doesn't concern me or scandalize me or make me sympathetic to you. You also won't make me think poorly of the cruise line's service; I happen to think providing free tampons to guests is EXCELLENT service.

The only thing which scandalizes me right now is that you might sit on something before you find your precious Playtex tampons. So I'm going to try to choke down my breakfast and try not to think about THAT.

[Kiwi]

now you could be evil and pretend you work there and when they ask where the spices are, point then in a random direction

insist that the basil IS by the bakery/meat deli/frozen foods

only problem is them eventually tracking down an actual staff member and yelling at them.... and you know they would to

I have found working in a mall that Im expected to know where everything is, despite my stand being TWO METERS from a mall map...... I dont freaking know where shoppers drug mart is why dont you use your eyes you you you lazy wood panel!

[Gas Station Girl]

I got that today when I was at the mall shopping for shoes. I was just wearing a plain T-shirt, jeans, and sandals, and this lady came up to me, right in the middle of the mall (I wasn't even in a store or anything) and asked me if I knew where she could find a dress. I told her I didn't know and she was like, "me neither", and she left it at that. I don't know if she thought I worked in the mall, of if she just thought that I might know where to find a dress, but I still found it really strange to be approached like that.

I come to my store all the time when I'm not on duty, sometimes to buy snacks, and sometimes to buy gas. Since I've worked there for so long, a lot of customers will recognize me and will expect me to help them even though I'm not in uniform. And, of course, I get a few who ask me if I live there.

[theredbaron47]

Wow, from some of the stories you all have, some customers (SC's, at that) just don't get it.

I frequent my store a lot as a customer just because they are quite handy to have close by, a hardware/garden kind of store. I have worked there longer than every other cashiers, and there are quite a few customers who recognize me at the very least from having seen me there so much. Every now and then I always get an inevitable question from a random weekend warrior. They normally aren't bad at all, usually just a simple "could you please tell me where X is" type of deal, in which case I'm more than willing to point them in the right direction. As soon as it gets more complicated than that, though, I tell them that another clerk who is on the clock would be more than happy to help them, as they are normally walking around and the customer is too lazy to find them.

Why they think it is acceptable to approach me while I'm wearing cut-off jean shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt (obviously not working) is beyond me.

Oh, that's right, I forgot...

...they are Customers.

...