Crazedclerk presents "Real SCs of Genius"

[Mr Hero]

*Mrs cheap perfume by the gallon*

I think there was an actual one with this one, only it was a male bathing in cologne.

[alowlypotato]

*Mr. conspiracy theory theorist*

Oooh! I used to have a customer like this!

Real SCs of Genius...

Today we salute you, Mr. conspiracy theory theorist.

Mr. conspiracy theory theorist...

You believe, when no one else will, in the evil so obviously inherent in the system.

Republicans killed my son...

The bank cannot fool you with its records, for you have acquired the ancient and infallible power of Quicken.

You're craaaaazy...

And although logic may dictate otherwise, you hold fast to your convictions and refuse to back down.

Your receipts use disappearing ink!

Because you know, with all your heart, that it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

Mr. conspiracy theory theorist...

[Jay 2K Winger]

*Mr. hasn't bathed in a month*

Customers Suck presents... Real SCs of Genius.

Reeeeal SCs of Geeeeniuuus...

Today, we salute you, Mr. Hasn't Bathed in a Month.

Mister Hasn't Bathed in a Month!

Five minutes before your arrival, your stench has already permeated the entire store.

What the hell is that smell?

With a non-functioning sense of smell, you breeze along blissfully unaware of the noxious fumes you leave in your wake.

My hair is turning white!

You're not in any hurry. You've got all day to shop here. But that won't stop us from trying to get you out of the store as quickly as possible.

I'm startin' to get dizzy!

So crack open a bottle of Axe Body Spray, O Baron of Body Odor, for long after you've gone, your aroma will be with us ... forever.

Mister Hasn't Bathed in a Mooooonnnnth...!

Customers Suck. Check it out on the Internet.

[thedrunkenmonkey]

Reeeeal SCs of Geeeeniuuus...

Today, we salute you, Ms. Overtalkative Cell-Phone User.

Ms. Overtalkative Cell-Phone User!

Yes, throughout the entire store, we can hear you speaking to your friends, your significant other, your mother, your best male gay friend.

He'll never wanna touch your stinky coooochie even if he didn't love the cooooock!

When asked politely to talk a bit more quietly in the bookstore, you roll your eyes and say, "Tschaw, whatever!"

You ain't black and you ain't never gonna beeeeee!

When you actually wear a headset, people wonder if you happen to be bipolar or just plain crazy.

Got a real good therapist's nuuuumber for you!

And if your signal cuts out, it's always best to bitch loudly at the closest employee in the store for interrupting your important conversation with their advanced cell-interrupting technology.

War and Peace blocks CDMA phones, check it out

You know what you want, that one book with the vampires and the hot guy, but you don't want to read it, so you're hoping for a book on tape, or that Kendle thing

Math is really really haaaaard

It's a miracle you can find something you can read at all, but hey, there's always US magazine

I like the really pretty bright pictures

So here's to you, Ms. Overtalkative Cell-Phone User, for bringing your insipid conversation throughout the entire bookstore, and causing The Drunken Monkey to remember that sometimes breathing is a priviledge, not a right.

Retroactive Abortion Society Candidaaaaaaaaate....

[RavenStarr]

Okay heres a little inspiration. A guy comes in the store, has a big hole in the crotch of his pants, no underwear. You can clearly see his penis. I can't think of a title but there has to be a song for this.

Also here are a few more titles:

* Mr. do you know who I am*

*Mrs I'm never shopping here again*

[Thud-n-Blunder]

Real SCs of Genius...

Today we salute you, Mr. Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am.

Mr. Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am...

When a lowly store clerk dares to ask you for ID you're sure you can fix him with your pompous attitude.

I'm important!!!

When the sign says, "No personal checks allowed," you don't care, because rules are for lesser mortals than yourself.

I've been a customer here for decades!!!

Scaring a cashier into giving you a discount by threatening her job is all in a day's work for you.

I know the manager!!! I'll get you fired!!!

So, here's to you, Mr. Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am. You're a lucky man, because you've only met two or three people who've heard your signature line, and proceeded to call 911 to help someone with amnesia.

Mr. Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am...


P.S. Not one of my better ones, but this is why I'm a software developer instead of an ad copy-writer.

[derangedperson]

derangedperson presents...Real SCs of Genius.

Real SCs of Genius...

Today we salute you, Mrs. I'm Never Shopping Here Again.

Mrs. I'm Never Shopping Here Again!

It doesn't matter that the sale ended two days ago, or that the procedure you're asking the store to perform is illegal--you want it done now, or those five magic words will emanate from your noisehole.

HOW DARE YOU!

Somehow you have the idea that threatening to shop elsewhere will cause the store to go out of business, since you claim to be their best customer.

You'll be SORRY!

But your little temper tantrum will only call attention to your behavior, and result in your being ostracized and ridiculed by your fellow customers.

That bitch is crazy!

So crack open an ice-cold glass of Shut The Fuck Up, o Succubus of the Scam, because though you say you won't, everyone knows you will.

Mrs. I'm Never Shopping Here Again...

Straight from the mind of derangedperson, West Bend, WI.

[fma_fanatic]

Real SCs of Genius...

Today we salute you Mr. I'm Your Most Important Customer

...no one else matters but me...

Yes, when you call screaming that you need service or supplies, we'll drop whatever we're doing..just for you

...ow! that coffee was hot!...

Yes, because if we don't, there's sure going to be hell to pay...

...I'll report you to the BBB!...maybe...

And you annoy everyone you talk to

...who the hell transferred this insane person to me?...

So pull up a stool and pour yourself a nice glass of Ask Me If I Give a Damn, Mr. I'm Your Most Important Customer, and ask me if I really do care

[tropicsgoddess]

Tropicsgoddess presents... Real SCs of Genius.

Real SC's of Genius...

Today, we salute you, Ms. Why Can't You Read My Mind

Ms. Why Can't You Read My Mind

You arrive and expect the lowly serfs to know what you want before you utter a word.

They're Psychic!

And woe betide the lowly serf that does not know what your usual is.

You're supposed to know this!

You berate the lowly serf that is clueless to your exacting standards and deem them incompetent while they glare at you with eyes burning like a thousand suns.

You're not doing your job

So pipe up your order like a normal human being, Ms. Why Can't You Read My Mind


Ms. Why Can't You Read My Mind

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I had to resurrect this thread because I had another good one to add:

...Real SCs of genius...

Today, we salute you, Mr. Always tries to pay with a 100.

...Mr. Always tries to pay with a 100...

It doesn't matter what time of day it is or how much cash the store may have on hand, you're always ready to buy some trivial little thing and pay for it with a huge freakin bill...

...gotta spend those Franklins...

You fail to realize that that a store is NOT a bank and you expect them to be able to break that massive piece of currency whenever you may need it.

...It's all about the benjamins!...

Your entire wallet may be overflowing with 5s, 10s and 20s, but, ignoring the obvious, you always have to reach for your most favourite of all bills, causing you to be reviled by every cashier you encounter.

...Mr always tries to pay with a 100...