Wherein I Seemingly Avoid Death

[Jester]

Always a great way to start a conversation

I do so pride myself on my conversational skills.

My friend Ran, who's from Israel, once told me the single most horrible and most hilarious joke. It involved the Holocaust and i starred at him with the most pained expression until he said, "It's okay, you can laugh because I'm the one who told it and I'm Jewish." So I laughed. But I can't share it with people because it really is atrocious, and if I told it, it would be a bad thing.

You realize, of course, that now I want to hear this joke? Feel free to PM it to me. Yes, seriously.

Maybe I can unleash it on some of my more annoying relatives.....

[infinitemonkies]

GK: Putting the 'man' and the 'laughter' in manslaughter since 1986!

[KMMCurly]

SC: “I WILL DESTROY YOU.”

I'm having Mass Effect flashbacks!

Enemies everywhere!

[XCashier]

Hail To the King

Me: “And your last name please?”
SC: “Doltar”
( Yes, he pronounced it "Dolt-ar" too )
...Me: “Which catalog are you ordering from?”
SC: “Uh, ummm.....uh...... fuckin’ uh wha....er.......shiiiit <click>”

Obviously a very appropriate name.

[Gravekeeper]

Conditioning. He is quite used to this shit at this point. Also, he doesn't have to keep a straight face. They can't see him. He just has to keep a straight voice.

Precisely. Also, my mic has a mute switch so that I may rage or make the appropriate snide remarks in response without them hearing me. This seems to entertain some of my coworkers as it makes me sound ragingly bipolar.

[Alteran Ancient]

I too would've originally thought that "Red" would be a bus or transit route, because I would've kicked myself if this guy was asking for the cop's favourite colour.

In the land owned by Royalty, i.e. Britain, we call the men in yellow jackets "Rail Enforcement Officers" and the men with hats and suits "Revenue Protection Officers"... well, that's what the rail companies like to call them all. The greater public just call them the "Ticket Inspectors".

The only people with any actual power to arrest are the "British Transport Police", a spin-off of London's "Metropolitan Police", the last sighting of which involved three officers accompanying and then escorting a man on to a train. They didn't leave his sight until the doors were locked and coaches moving.

Sometimes I wonder how our taxes are spent in this society. Even The Queen herself gives two-thirds of her income to the state.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Precisely. Also, my mic has a mute switch so that I may rage or make the appropriate snide remarks in response without them hearing me. This seems to entertain some of my coworkers as it makes me sound ragingly bipolar.

I need to find youtube clips of such things.

[Chromatix]

You could start with Three Dead Trolls' "Internet Helpdesk" sketch.

[Bardmaiden]

In the land owned by Royalty, i.e. Britain, we call the men in yellow jackets "Rail Enforcement Officers" and the men with hats and suits "Revenue Protection Officers"... well, that's what the rail companies like to call them all. The greater public just call them the "Ticket Inspectors".

The only people with any actual power to arrest are the "British Transport Police", a spin-off of London's "Metropolitan Police", the last sighting of which involved three officers accompanying and then escorting a man on to a train. They didn't leave his sight until the doors were locked and coaches moving.

Sometimes I wonder how our taxes are spent in this society. Even The Queen herself gives two-thirds of her income to the state.

Well the BTP cover the entire railway. However don't anger your train conductor they can arrange to throw you off the train (or have the BTP meet you at the next station). My B/f is a train conductor....he has personally thrown somebody off a train at a station he knew wouldn't have a train for a day and half. They were very drunk and refused to pay for a ticket.

[Becks]

You've dropped the old fashion Cold War paranoia and gone straight to implying a geriatric gang bang with British royalty. I'll give you a point for creative flare. Although I may have to likewise penalize you for the unsettling mental image. As you seem to be implying that while one army is abstaining from the Queen's auxiliary port of call, every other army was incapable of resisting the vaguely Bengay scented nectar of her honey pot.

Will someone please pass the brain bleach my way?