A canonical list of SCs

[petite]

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

Ugh. I get these ALL the time. "Why does this item cost so much? I can buy it at the dollar store. And your shipping & handling charges are outrageous!" You don't think I know all this already? But guess what, you're ordering from a mail-order company. If you didn't already figure out that shipping and handling is a necessity for us to, you know, SHIP the order to you, perhaps you should have actually read the order form that explains it in detail. And if you can buy it at the dollar store, why the hell don't you?! I know our items are overpriced junk, but that's not going to change, and complaining about prices isn't going to make (or allow) me to give you a discount. Get off my phone!

The economy made me do it! customers

You know the customers who don't pay their bills on time and get interrupted and pull the economy card. Yeah, what does the economy have to do with paying your bills on time?

These are just terrible. Especially the ones that literally throw a crying fit when you won't just "cancel" their $700 balance. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I've definitely been broke and I know it sucks. But maybe you should have been more careful before you ordered all this crap. Also, if they knew how many other people had thrown similar fits, they might stop doing this, because guess what... as awkward as you're making this for me, there is simply NO way I can do what you're asking me to without getting fired.

This wouldn't even be so bad if the things they are ordering from our company are totally unnecessary. As in, $50 cakes and $30 dishrags. Maybe you should meet with the Comparison Shopper.

[Dorken_Vader]

The "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady"

The "I failed remedial physics" customer:

#1
SC: I need a camera bag to fit 3 DSLR bodies, 2 telephoto lenses, a full-sized tripod, 3 flashes, and a dozen or so filters.
Me: (After a while of looking) This one would do. It's just big enough to fit all that stuff.
SC: That's too big. I want something small I can carry around my waist.

The "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady"

I encountered this fine SC while on a trial basis at a local supermarket,
This lady was a combination of the bag nazi and The "I failed remedial physics" customer: every single item had to be in a separate knotted bag and none of the bags could weigh more than a half gallon of milk. Amongst her items were a whole chicken and a whole gallon of milk! Upon telling the SC this made the weight per bag restriction impossible to meet she continued to insist that no bag weigh more than a half gallon of milk. i grumbled and did my best to comply with her wishes. she then reported me for swearing at her which i did not do. i came very close but i didn't swear at her. i still catch heck for "swearing at her". i wish i had. sufficed to say i did not get the job. Thanks "Half a Gallon of Milk Lady" i didn't want to be a bagger anyway.

[Dorken_Vader]

guilty

The Too-Easily Amused:

Upon encountering a display full of singing, dancing toys that operate when you push some character's hand or foot, the Too-Easily Amused SC will activate as many of the toys as possible, or all of them, resulting in a cacophony of badly-sung songs not playing at the same time and the entire display seeming to shake its collective booty because of all the toys moving at once.

I get to put up with a lot of these SCs. Mainly because our buyer are freaking morons who think people actually want to buy these stupid toys.

sorry that was me (but it was so fun)

[tropicsgoddess]

The "Yes I Understand But....": Once you tell this SC to either go to another department and/or the manufacturer for their issue, they argue with you until the cows come home and will say that they understand but still press you to fix an issue you have no means/authority to so.

[bammertheblue]

The Clairvoyance Projector
I get this type often in my work as a concierge/front desk attendant. because I answer the phones and take messages for the "higher-ups". A Clairvoyance Projector will call and it will go something like this:
CP: "I left a message for Jane yesterday/last Thursday/in March and she never called me back! Why didn't she call me back?"
Me: "I'm very sorry, I don't know. If you'd like, I can take your message again and make sure that she gets it and knows you need a call back ASAP."
CP: "But I already LEFT a message! Did she get it? Was it lost? I haven't received a call back!"
Me: "Unfortunately, I don't know exactly why she didn't call you, but what I can do is make absolutely sure she gets your message this time."
CP: "Will she call me back? She has to call me back!"
Me: "I will give her the message as soon as she gets out of her meeting."

I AM NOT PSYCHIC! I don't know why other people do, or don't do, things. I don't know if she's not calling you back because she lost the message, or forgot, or because you're horrid and she really doesn't want to talk to you, or because a callback is unneccesary except in your wretched little mind. I DO NOT KNOW. I cannot force her to call you, or divine the reason that she has not done so. I am a receptionist, not a clairvoyant.

[Mr Hero]

For number 2, since you seem to be able to change everyone's service with a press of a button, can you go ahead and activate me?

[Getpowned]

list of convergys caller types 3

this is for all the repesentatives that work for convergys call centers or regular phone centers that have been working this same type of job for a while.

1. the shouter- it doesnt matter to this person that you are not the cause of his problems but they pretty much think shouting will make there problems get fixed and also get a reduced bill. WRONG even though i cant hang up on them all i do is crank the volume to low and remove my headset and wait until he runs out of breath and than do my job. usually the females tend to get so worked up that with in 3 min in the call they start to cry like babies so we can pretend to feel sorry and say sure ill go head and magically fix your services.:

2. the angry heavily accented- these people beleive that we purposely disconnect there service and they speak really fast and sometimes loud enough to be abnoxious. none of these people are overly educated to know whats going on half of the time there only concern is that there is a "button" that we press to turn there services back on. A-FREAKEN-MAZING! on top of that you can never understand a freakin word they say.

3.the bucket -o- threats- these people start the call off with your service sucks blah blah i hate it i wanna switch so bad and i think i am today but can you fix it really quick for me. LMAO they also say things like if you dont fix your service i wanna talk to your supervisor about your poor service bullcrap.

4.the mad silencer- these people are usually so mad they they dont want to talk which in essence makes our job easier and your required to make conversation so that there is no dead air well these people dont help in that situation unless they say they dont want to talk.

5.the hogger- these people usually get there services restored or fixed and are not fully satisfied until they take up about 30 minutes of your time or more of your time asking stupid questions like " why did that happen" gee let me see into the magic crystal ball i see now it happend because your......dumb

6. the bad area cell phone caller- these people know they have bad service and they regardless still try to expect there problems to get fixed when everytime they speak you here either half a word or the first letter of the word.

7. the drunkers or stoners- these people are usually the best they dont care what happends the call is usually real short they just want to know if "you can fixxx the problem mannnn"16178845660 ext#8171

[MoonChild2007]

The arrogant and stubborn customer- the ones who call the company, saying all 3 of their services are not working. I tell them we can trouble shoot over the phone or have a tech out SAME DAY.

They say "over the phone". I tell them to unplug their cable box and then they say, "that's not going to do much good". Then i tell them a tech can come out today and then they whine yet again about how they can't do that (one asshole told me, "not happening, DAH-LIN" in that asshole-arrogant tone)

[iron2004]

The Jump Starter
At a restaurant, any member of a party (of 2 or more) that starts ordering their food before the others at their table are ready. Bonus points if they order before the server asks if they are ready; extra bonus points if they start ordering before all the drink orders are taken.

The Human Abacus
Any member of a party that feels the need to tell the waiter that more are coming, especially if they are at a large table and only half the chairs are filled, and the server has bought enough silverware for the entire party, and the server acknowledges the fact by asking if they want drinks while waiting.

[tropicsgoddess]

Tech Hopper: This SC will call to try and have you fix a non-supported issue and will hang up and then call again more than once to try and get a newbie tech or some sucker tech to give 'em the rope a dope into helping them with that very same issue they were told earlier by the first tech they spoke with to call their manufacturer or computer guy for their non-supported issue. They spout out (the same bullshit claim) "But the other tech helped me out last time!" or other bullshit claims like "Nonsense! <name of company> always supported this!!" or think that when you tell them no that you're either being a big ol' meanie that refuses to help them or that you're incompetent because they believe that there's other techs willing and/or able to help them. (Thank you, Hyndis for the term).

[Digitalpotato]

The economy made me do it! customers

You know the customers who don't pay their bills on time and get interrupted and pull the economy card. Yeah, what does the economy have to do with paying your bills on time?

Maybe they had to pick between bills or health insurance.

[Mr. Security]

Handicap Entitlement Whore: These are the people have some sort of physical handi-cap usually in a wheel chair who feel the rules don't apply to them because there handi-cap. They will cut straight to the front of the line and if anybody says anything they scream "I'M HANDI-CAP, I NEED TO GO FIRST!" They will also interrupt you if you are dealing with some one else demanding help and if you don't help them or they don't get there way they immediately will scream that your just being discriminating to them because there handi-cap, Yet if anybody trys to assist them in getting something they will scream that "They can get it themselfs and to stop discriminating against them just because there handi-cap"

and 2 variations on this

"George Costanza" Handicap EW: These are the people who use those motorized scooters who are really overweight but don't really need them or those who extremely over-exaggerate or even down right fake an handi-cap or injury just to try and get attention and special treatment


"My child is" Handicap EW: These are the people that have a child with some sort of physical/mental handi-cap. They will cut straight to the front of the line and if anybody says anything they scream "MY CHILD IS HANDI-CAP, I NEED TO GO FIRST!" They will also interrupt you if you are dealing with some one else demanding help and if you don't help them or they don't get there way they immediately will scream that your just being discriminating to them because there child is handi-cap,

[MrPibbsRevenge]

The Wired: A customer who,after asking you questions for about half an hour, proclaims rather loudly that they'll purchase it off the internet instead.
+Variations may include: "Well,I buy all my games off the internet anyways"

The Midnight Toker: A customer who comes in reeking of certain...substances so badly that being in their vicinity gives you a contact high.

The Informant: A customer who breaks into a conversation with information that your already attempting to give another customer the same information.While at times not necessarily infuriating, certain species will butt you out of the conversation entirely, or "shush" you when you attempt to contribute.

The Banshee: Any small child under the age of 10 who is told the frightening and forbidden word of "No." Some variants can lead to a 10 minute open performance when said parent attempts to drag them from the store.

The Trap: What seems to be a normal customer, "Traps" are masters at blending into human society until something sets off the spring and one can only hope to gnaw their limbs off in time.

The Passive Agressive Parent: A customer who's offspring destroy the store while they attempt to cease their activity by using such calls as "No,stop you guys..you shouldn't do that.." or "I'm soo..sorry" usually followed by a various crashing noises.

The Cologonac Wearer: A customer whose particular fragrance is so powerful,it can strip paint off of walls.
+Bonus points if you can taste it the rest of your work week.

The Ninja: A cu- wait, what the!? Where did you come from!?The ninja stealthily sneaks in to invade personal space while the employee is engaged with another customer,wedging itself between the two and leaving mere millimeters between bodies.

[plumbersrule]

Well here are a few of my not so favorite customers of the in-home service type

The YOU CHARGE WHAT???? Well sir I'm gonna have to carry a 250lb machine down your steps and into your basement and wade in YOUR sewage waste up past my ankles and work. I think my price is actually wayyy to low for this crap.

The CAN YOU DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT? Unless you have a coupon or a Golden Buckeye card (for Ohio seniors only) no I can't do any better than that the price is what it is. Tell me yes, no or STFU and let me go on my way ya douche!

The NO LEATHER IN MY HOUSE! Weather it be a religious conviction or your a hippie of sorts.....I will wear some shoe covers, not good enough take them off!!!
I refuse to take them off, call my mgr I dont care he will tell them to piss off, it's about safety not a personal thing you assmonkey

Mna I love these damn smileys on here they are great!!!!!! haha

[iron2004]

The Come from Behind-ers

This customer enters a retail establishment, sees a line at the register, and stands behind the cashier, if they can (they can in my store), or to the side of the line expecting the cashier to stop taking care of the customers in line to deal with them.