Dear....

[the_std]

Dear America's Next Top Model,

STOP BEING SO ADDICTING! It is 4:30 and I still haven't gotten out of bed because I have been watching you. Why do you I love you so much? Talk about vapid entertainment. And yet I can't get enough.

Unproductively,
Me

[RootedPhoenix]

dear body,

Grr.

--the bored mind who is sick of sleeping.

Dear World,

Stop reminding me of Idiot Ex. I like not thinking about him. It prevents me from wishing him harm.

--RP

Dear Designer of Many Things,

Those human things you made? Confusing. Very confusing. (At least the subset I know.)

Also, you seem to have made my body such that it has been sick since the winter of 2007 (late 07). I don't get this either. I don't like it.

Please fix the sickness. Thanks.

Please make the sun shine through the trees more often. It's very pretty, and it makes nice pictures. Clouds in the sky also make good pictures. Ooooh!, and sunsets and sunrises. Those are cool too. I want to take more pictures of your pretty planet. It makes me happy. *does happy dance in celebration of happy stuff*

--Your creation.

ETA:

Dear Annoying People of the World (who want to make me something I'm not),

Why, yes, I AM <x, y, and z>. Your ridiculous little opinion has been stuffed into my mental shredder.

Now, do me a favor, and SHUT UP. You've been missing a golden and gem encrusted opportunity to do that for far too long.

Also, you are hereby invited to GO AWAY and LEAVE ME ALONE.



--RP, who is unamused.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Child Rum,

Mommy's sorry that she got you sick. Please get better soon!

I love you,
Mummy Rummy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not So Dear Mr. Rum,

When Child Rum throws up all over herself, please be taking the dirty clothing down into the basement and throw them into the washing machine to be washed. Do no leave them on the floor in the bathroom where Child Rum had stripped them before be taken to her own bathroom to be placed into the bathtub for some rest and relaxation. And do not leave me the throw up clothes to be placed into a plastic bag to be cleaned.

and still sick,
Mrs. Rum

[SengaKitty]

Not so dear person who keeps calling me,

I don't know who you are. I know you want my cat. I'm sorry, but by your own admission you are not an adult, and I cannot give the cat to someone who is not an adult. That is my rule. Maybe if I knew you, and knew your parents, it would be a possibility. As is, you calling me several times an hour, after I've already called the police about you harrassing and threatening me is NOT going to get you the cat. I stopped answering the phone after you called last night for the fourth time. You've already called three times today, twice in the last hour.

Please stop, I get the point, I'm scared now. You're still not getting the cat

Not happy
RHPG

[Misanthropical]

Dear family,

If I don't start getting some help with the housework I will go off on each and everyone of you! I should not have to clean the house after working a 40 hour work week.

I am not the one who messes up the house and I don't appreciate the attitude of "mom will clean it!".

You all will either start helping or try to figure out why you have no clean clothes or lunch money. I will go on strike!

I can not be cleaning everything up with the pain I have, which is made worse by trying to get everything done that needs to be done.

Either help or get use to doing it all on your own, since I'm not doing it anymore.


Dear BossMan,

Wouldn't it have been easier to wait for everyone to get to work and then showing us all at the same time how to use the new program?

You wasted a lot of time and didn't really show us anything. We all had to figure it out on our own. Training on a new program should take more than 5 minutes.

Please tell the other supervisor to blow it out her ass if she can't stand the fact that we still make mistakes on the new program. I'm sick of her emails basically calling us morons for not knowing the new program inside and out.

We don't work for her, so tell her to mind what her people are doing and leave us alone.


Dear BossMan (again)

I'm getting tired of having a slow as dial up computer. I have asked you repeatedly to tell IT I need more memory.

What do I have to do to get you and IT to fix my computer? I see other people getting brand new computers, so what gives?



Dear bill collectors calling my house,

There is no one named "Jessica" here, so stop annoying the shit out of us. It took me less than a minute to find her phone number on my skip site at work, so you all have no excuse to still be calling here.

She hasn't had this number in over 4 years, you morons! So take our number out of your dialer or face my wrath. The wrath of a woman who knows the collection laws inside and out.

I have come close to making collectors cry because they thought they were all bad ass and were going to get me to admit I was really Jessica. I'm not Jessica and have never been Jessica.


Dear Jessica,

If I ever meet you I'm going to go off on you like the Wrath of God! Stop giving out my phone number as your contact number, you stupid bitch!

[AdminAssistant]

BT,

*snuggles*

Have a good drive today and I'll see you when you get back.

And I'm serious when I say I'm banning you from picking movies. Misery? WTH, man? *sigh* But....seeing you helped my head so much more than the worthless medicine they've given me.

~ GT

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear crying and tears,

DIAF.
You are giving me a migraine and making me nauseated. I won't say what you've done to my nose.
I'm pretty sure no one else likes you either, so DIAF, as I said.

--RP

Dear Sailor Moon,

You are very addicting. Has anyone ever told you this?
Thank you for existing.

--RP

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear ASUS Eee PC 900HA 8.9-Inch Netbook,

I like you. Granted, you're not white so you won't match my NintendoDS, but you'd match Bishamon as soon as I find a nice shiny blue sticker or bumper sticker to put on your case.

You're kinda pretty and you're what I need to take with me on the road for when Bishamon can't be hooked up. You're not even that badly priced (but the, I don't know what's a "good" price and a "bad" price so...yeah).

So maybe, MAYBE, with my next paycheck I'll buy you.

So you better fit into that portable DVD player thingermajig I put in my wishlist!

-Someone who wants to buy you.

Speaking of which....

Dear NintendoDS,

You little rat bastard! WHY HAS NO CONNECTION TO WI-FI?! What the hell is an ASOS connection?

I don't need no stinkin' friend code for Animal Crossing! How's THEM apples?!

-Grr

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Sailor Moon,

You are very addicting. Has anyone ever told you this?
Thank you for existing.

--RP

Dear RP,

Meatball-head knows this. That's why she's ebil and the Negaverse baddies were so cool.

-RW

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Child Rum,

First, Mommy is sorry that you're still sick. Please no more coughing and then throwing up on me again. I don't like vomit. Especially when Daddy's not home. Please take your medicine. I don't like your temperature going up to 102.6 degrees Farenheit.

Second, no. more. cutting. of. your. hair. Nana and I are thinking of shaving your head and letting it all grow out again. If your hair is in your face, let me know and I'll brush your hair out of your face.


Mommy Rum

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear Rummy,

Eep. I hope Child Rum gets better soon. I don't know much, but 102.6 for a little person doesn't sound good. Also there is the throwing up. Boo on throwing up. Boo I say!

I hope you get better too. *send hugs your way, includes some for Child Rum*

--RP

Child Rum,

Brushes are nicer than scissors. Brushes make your hair pretty. I hate it when my hair is in my face too! It gets in my nose and makes it itch, boo. But brushes are way better.

I hope you get better soon. Being sick is no fun.

--RP (who is always 5 years old at heart. )

[Misanthropical]

Dear shit for brains neighbor,

I don't know how it is in New York but in my neighborhood you don't park your POS car in the middle of the parking lot, making it hard for people trying to pull out or pull in.

I keep calling the police about it, but I suspect you have a police scanner, since you decide to move your car right after I call every single time.

You are really annoying me with that shit.


Dear neighborhood boy,

You do not EVER again tell my husband to "grow a pair" just because he refused to give you our food that you kept begging for. Go have your own family buy you food. It's not our job to pay for food for children that are not ours.

Don't ever come near my house for any reason. You will not be welcomed.


Dear townhouses,

Have you morons not been paying attention? We are in a recession! That means that you don't raise the rent by almost $50 more a month!! Your excuses don't hold water anymore, so save them for someone dumb enough to buy them.

I like living here and I don't want to move, but if you guys keep pulling this bullshit just because we are having an influx of the worst of New York and New Jersey does not mean they can afford it either.

You have never had a problem with my family. You have never had a complaint about my children, so how about a bit of a break here?


Dear body,

Can you please give me one day of no pain? Just one is all I'm asking.


Dear physical therapy receptionist,

I don't know who pissed in your Cheerios, but don't take it out on me. I did not say I can only come in on Saturdays just to piss you off. That is the only time I came in.

Oh, if you are going to try to get pissy about not having any room on Saturdays, you should try to get that story straight with the therapists, because they told me they have plenty of room, so you can kiss my fat ass.

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear RP,

Thank you for the encouragement.

I'm getting over a sickness myself and everything just seems to have me burning the candle at both ends.

Mr. Rum says I had a mini-breakdown over the hair cutting thing. He says it's "just hair" and it will grow back. I know it will. I just ... can't explain it. And for the record, I will not be shaving Child Rum's head (if any out there thought I would). However, I am seriously thinking of shaving my own head and wearing a wig as I hate my hair and don't want to deal with it anymore.

Child Rum has an ear infection. She has to take 1 1/2 teaspoons of Amoxicillian every 12 hours. Right now, she's sleeping on the couch. She fell asleep while watching the opening of Dora on Noggin. She's an angel while she sleeps. Hopefully the Amoxicillian and the tylenol start to work and she starts to feel better soon. Maybe even eating something other than saltines and actually drinking more liquids.

Feeling a bit better,
Rummy

[SengaKitty]

Dear SO,

Do you realize that we are engaged and living together, and yet, for some reason, for the past week I've been getting less attention than if I were single? And for that matter, I asked you to do ONE thing while I went to the church tonight, I was gone for, like, three hours, and you didn't do it. It wasn't even a HARD thing.. It was simply you putting the precooked food in the fridge after it cooled down enough to do so.... GRAH! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO STUPID?!

Grumbling in frustration
The woman who would normally be sleeping with you but can't sleep out of frustration

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear FoH--

Why the fuck is my card being declined? And my other card? And another card? Plus yet ANOTHER card??

I REALLY want to buy your merchandise, but you are making it *extremely* hard to do so.



--a (until now) happy customer