Dear....

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear car,

Please don't cost me a s**tload of money.

-me

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear car,

$1000+ is a s**tload of money. What did I do to you?

-me

[Magpie]

Dear sister and still-single cousins,

If you don't want people to celebrate your wedding, the easy way to do this is to not invite them. I don't want to have to drive 1.5 hours each way for a 20 minute wedding (which didn't even start on time) when it's not a real wedding, it's just a show for me to watch. I'm sitting through your reception, don't make the wedding torture too.

Magpie

[Elspeth]

Dear Geek
I am glad you like your truck now lets get our butts in gear and get this house done.

Love
Your wife

Dear twit who hit the geek
Please from now on pay attention when you are driving. If you were going I doubt you would have totalled the geek's Jetta (bent frame) and you were so not going 10mph. This is all working out for the best but you if you don't start paying attention now it could be worse next time.

The person ending out ahead on the deal

Dear Dealership
Thank you for being understanding with us while we made this decision. And letting us demo the truck. You have made my geek very happy. Please don't screw this up. And thank you for giving me way too much money (not that I am complaining) for that junk car in my driveway. You just save me a lot of headaches getting rid of the thing.

The person who will probably buy her next car from you.

Dear Interview Gods
Please be kind to the geek and let him get this job. He would be happier and I would stress less.

Els

[Jack T. Chance]

Dear Government of Montgomery County, MD;

You are unbelievably Nazi-like in your evil, jack-booted, totalitarian ways.

If there was any sort of a just God in this sorry universe, you would be paid a visit by Cock-Knocker from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and he would PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK!!!

Fuck Off and Die.

--Me

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear demonoid.com;

Where do I begin?

Oh, yeah, I know...

Firstly, it has been AT LEAST a week since I've downloaded ANYTHING from you! I certainly HAVE NOT done "a few downloads per week" that you say I'm limited to as an unregistered user.

Secondly, the fact that you say "register now to complete this download" and then when I click the link to register "NOW", you tell me "registration of new members is currently CLOSED"... that fact just PROVES how much you SUCK ASS!

Please, go die in a fire.

--Me

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Frederick's of Hollywood--

Why must you be so expensive?

You are too tempting, and I don't think I can justify $120 of lingere right now.

--me

[protege]

Dear sports car,

Was it really necessary to piss oil all over the garage floor? I realize that you've been sitting up on axle stands, awaiting your new tires...and have been doing so since April. But, really? You won't be going out of the garage until I get your rims repainted, the new Yokohamas fitted, so it really wasn't necessary to do that. That is, unless you *like* sitting in the garage, and having your parts probed with various tools...

--Me

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear guy with the dog pacing back and forth across the open bed of your moving pickup truck,

YOUR DOG DOES NOT BELONG IN THE OPEN BED OF YOUR MOVING PICKUP TRUCK!!!!!

[the_std]

Dear Grampa,

I hope you know you can call me whenever you want to. If I am not able to answer right away, I will call you back just as soon as I am able.

I can't imagine the heartache it is to lose your wife of 53 years, but I promise you that I will do absolutely everything I can to make you just that little bit more comfortable, even if I can't be there to help you.

I feel a part of your pain, I love gramma very much, and I will do anything for you because I respect her memory that much.

Heart-wrenchingly,
Me

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear MelMom,

ZEN, woman, it's called ZEN.

It's also called CONFLICT AVOIDANCE.

Learn it.

Live it.

Seriously, listen to the Enya album you got me or something.

Sheesh.

-Your Son

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Everyone,

Child Rum actually slept all night in her own room!

No sneaking into my room at 3:30 in the morning, forcing me to walk her back to her own room.

All night. in. her. own. room.

I'm hoping this will be the trend from now on.

A Proud Momma,
Rummy

[Becks]

Dear Rummy,

Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!! *happy dance*

--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Favorite Cop™,

Thanks for cheering me up.

--me

[Zellie Crescent]

Dear corporate assholes,

If you call us to say that you are scheduled to show up to do a walkthrough of the store on days y and z, do NOT show up on day x and bitch and complain that "the entire store is a hopless mess", when only 2 MINOR things went wrong. Go back to your desks where you belong and play with your paperwork you damn corporate puppets.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear turtle that I passed over on my way to work this morning,

I hope you made it safely across the road.

-me

Seriously, I thought it was a dead squirrel or something, then I got closer and realised "Ah! It's a turtle!! And he's not dead!! " He was in the middle of my lane, so I had no choice but to drive over him (I did not hit him, though). I was half tempted to stop and help him across but I wouldn't risk getting bitten, and there was no place to pull over anyway.

[Magpie]

Dear sizing people at Denver Hayes:

Tony Clement would like his drunken monkey back. And I would like realistic sizes back. If I start with a size smaller than what I should be, I shouldn't need to go down TWO sizes for a loose fit. You are supposed to be the sensible clothing line, not a fashion clothing line. There is no $@#^^% way I'm an eight.

Magpie