Human Pinata, or How to Be a "Man."

[MMATM]

Please excuse my post from last night. I was obviously not in my right mind.

No worries, Jester. It was late and I imagine you were too tired to deal with it. We (or at least I, but I think I speak for most of CS.com here as well) aren't about to lose faith in you doing what you know is right. You've proven that much.

Best of luck. And the contact offer still stands.

[monolayth]

if they do show up i suggest that the mc tell everyone so they can all point and laugh at them or something equally humilating.

[Emrld]

Jester - get a copy of the book "Gift of Fear" and give a copy to A
(yes, this was just once again on Oprah - but there is truth to how our body will tell us something isn't right and we will ignore our fear, which puts us in danger)

[morgana]

In short: fuck him.

Rather not, thanks. Although pouring mare musk on him and introducing him to my ex-neighbor's prize Clydesdale stallion might prove amusing.

On a different note: Jester, you have my undying respect. Don't let the bastard keep you from honoring your friend. Don't get yourself arrested, and please gods don't get yourself killed, but stand your ground.

I wonder what A's reaction would be upon learning of the scumbags' action?

I wonder what her reaction would be if BB's actions at the memorial (or those of his 'friends') was videotaped and shown to her?

If he's got her this snowed, probably just more excuses. But it might be worth hoping about.

[Rahmota]

In short: fuck him.

Somehow I dont think you'd want to try that. I dont think they make a condom in stainless steel.

But I am not surprised by all this either. Good luck with things and hope it works out for the best for everyone involved.

[Jester]

Please excuse my post from last night. I was obviously not in my right mind.

We will have a memorial. We will raise funds for animals in TD's name. We will do this, and we will not tolerate any troublemakers. We are going to hammer out the details, but this will happen.

A couple of my coworkers last night told me that it is just not realistic for me to think that we are going to be able to do this. I respectfully disagree. Do I expect BB and/or his friends to attempt to cause trouble? I would be shocked if they didn't. We will deal with it at the time. I am not about to let this idiot and his friends dictate what I do in my life. Period. End of story. He may think he can control everything and everyone, but he is woefully mistaken, and is seriously underestimating me. I am not about to hide from him or bury my head in the sand for fear of what he may or may not do.

In short: fuck him.

[Eireann]

Is it possible you can go to the police, explain what's going on, and have a restraining order issued against BB and his toadies? That way, if they tried to crash your event, they'd get arrested.

And doesn't BB already have a criminal record? This wouldn't look good, to have him arrested for stalking his late girlfriend's former coworkers.

[Jester]

A. is actually, as I said, a very nice person. She is just misguided, as she has been fooled by BB. Remember, as an abusive manipulator, he is by definition used to making people think he is something he is not. A. is actually doing what she thinks is right, which is what makes all of this so much worse. Please don't judge her too harshly.

As for the rest....I am still too bitter and disspirited to comment on the rest of it. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe we'll get lucky and BB will walk in front of a Greyhound bus.

[MMATM]

And even sadder, there will always be people like A around. Which is worse.

Edited for the sad truthfulness.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Sadly, there will always be people like BB around.

And even sadder, there will always be people like A around. Which is almost worse.

[MMATM]

Finally (with nods to Kusanagi or whoever pioneered this style), talk to A. Try and convince her that she's a fucking idiot / severely misguided / next on BB's list, and that she should get as far away from him as possible / kill him herself / lure him to a dark, out-of-the-way place near a convenient jetty. Also, tell her that her bashing of TD is out of line / insignificant next to BB's offenses / all of the above and that she should try to think about what TD and her friends went through / go get involved with someone so evil she'd hang herself to get out of it / just go hang herself, period. Lastly, remind her that BB is a manipulator / evil / abusive / the scum of the earth / on [insert deity here]'s shit-list for eternity / just going to do it again / all of the above and that if she really wants to take his side, she's also not welcome at the event for TD / she is no longer your friend / she should date BB, seeing as he's such a "great guy" / you will accept that and might be there for her when and if she's ever abused by BB or some other abusive dickwad.

Disclaimer: CS.com does not condone violence. Obviously there is/are a "correct" answer/answers to each of the above choices. No violence should be attempted or committed as a result, either directly or indirectly, of this or the previous post. -MMATM

[MMATM]

Have the event. Somewhere. Ditching all the plans just lets BB win, again, and if anyone deserves to be sore about the whole thing, it's him.

Also, hire (or ask for volunteers) some burly guys (and/or girls) to bounce for you. Preferably with some sort of advantage (e.g. mace, nightstick if they're cops/security guards, but no guns or anything deliberately lethal) in case BB and/or company show up looking for trouble.

Next, throw out anyone who acts up like those two brainless fuckers. No warning. And if they resist (meaning as soon as they touch anyone, meaning literally anyone, shout "assault" and then self defense laws come into play, so physically removing them from the property becomes legal) throw them out in the literal sense. Also have them banned both from wherever you hold the event (preferably somewhere that has some prior connection to TD or friends) as well as The Bar, for life.

Call the police and inform them of the behavior, as well as the identities of the two aforementioned brainless fuckers. If there's any security footage (unlikely but hey, you never know) use that to get them nailed for public indecency and anything else you can. Also tell them that you suspect some similar behavior on [date of event] at [time of event] at [place of event] because they're deliberately antagonizing certain people and those people are scheduled to be there.

No matter what happens, make sure that you aren't the only one doing something for TD. Make sure there is an event, make sure it's well-known and widespread, at least among TD's friends, and make sure it stings BB to know that the women's advocacy group is in on the celebration so everyone knows about him.

Remember that you don't have to do all of this yourself. Enlist some equally-devoted and un-intimidated friends and have them do some of the required work.

[Jester]

Depressing bitter and angry update.

We are no longer having the memorial at The Bar. We may not be having one at all.

Allow me to backtrack. Earlier today I had called the local ASPCA again, and talked to the director, and she was all about it. (Who turns down free money, right?) I also called the local domestic abuse advocacy place and left another message for whoever it is I need to talk to. Still haven't heard back from them. Tonight I was supposed to sit down with Rockin' Manager at The Bar and hammer out the details of when and what, blah blah blah, for the memorial.

Then a friend of mine, A., came in to talk to me. She said she liked what I was doing, that it was really nice, but that it was "inappropriate" of me to be having the domestic abuse people involved, as TD had a history of getting boyfriends falsely arrested. I knew about this, and I never claimed TD was a saint, but as I told A., I also saw BB's handiwork. What I saw was not something that could be faked or done to oneself. Such as, oh, I dunno, a fist sized really black eye, or bruises on her neck in the shape of fingers...you know, the kind you might get from being choked.

A. told me I was all wrong about BB, that she's known him a while, he's a really nice guy, and he wanted to be part of the memorial. I told her very bluntly that that was NOT going to happen. 1. A lot of people would not show up if he was there. 2. *I* would not show up if he was there. 3. It was in his best interests to not show up, as not only would many people want to kill him, several would probably try. 4. Even if everything she was saying about him was true, he was not, by management decree, allowed to ever set foot in The Bar again.

Upon hearing this, A. asked to speak to my manager. I directed her to Rockin' Manager, and told her to "have fun with THAT conversation!"

A little bit later Rockin' Manager came up and told me about the conversation, in which A. basically told her that we were all "all wrong" about BB, blah blah blah, and finally after a little bit of this, Rockin' Manager told A. that she was walking away, and the conversation was over, period.

So this was bad, but nothing I had not expected. I actually expected BB to call me at some point to ask about being involved. Silly me...I expected him to act like a reasonable person. And yeah, the above is semi-reasonable. What followed.....was not.

About half an hour after A. left, two dirtbags came into The Bar, walked up to the hostess stand, dropped their pants, said, "This is for TD....Kiss our ass!" and then left. I heard about this, but did not see it, as I was bartending on the roof. (Had I seen it, I probably would have been fired for swinging at one or both of these assholes.) EVEN if you disagree with what I was planning for the memorial, this act was so atrocious, vile, disgusting, disrespectful, hateful, horrible, and over the top idiotic, that you have to wonder what person thinks that this is acceptable behavior in any way.

And so Rockin' Manager did something that I cannot in any way disagree with: she pulled the plug. She said flat out that we are not going to be having the memorial at The Bar, and frankly, I can't blame her. The last thing The Bar needs is that kind of circus idiocy.

The problem, of course, is that I am not sure we can do this ANYWHERE without these idiots showing up. A couple of friends have suggested various alternatives, such as having a small private ceremony, or having big burly guys at wherever we end up to take care of troublemakers, etc.

But I am discouraged, dishearted, disgruntled, disgusted, and several other words that start with "dis."

I tried to do something nice for someone who, while certainly flawed in many ways, was a sweet girl, and I get absolutely shit on for doing it.

What the fuck is WRONG with people? What is so wrong with doing something nice?

My guess is that BB just doesn't want to be associated with being an abuser. He certainly has A. snowed. I am going to try to talk to A. tomorrow to see if, perhaps, BB and his friends will agree to just stay the fuck away if I agree to focus the memorial just on TD and the ASPCA, and leave the domestic abuse place out of it. I doubt his word will mean shit, but it's a thought.

One thing they cannot stop me from doing, though, is having SOME kind of fundraiser for the ASPCA, and they cannot stop me from volunteering at the domestic abuse place. (I tried volunteering at the local animal shelter years ago, but they were very disorganized, and despite repeated phone calls from me, never bothered to call me back.)

No matter what I do, I expect more trouble from these people, probably including physical threats or acts against me.

When I was talking to my mom earlier about this, I said "I want this asshole dead." She said, yeah, metaphorically....and I stopped her. "No mom. I want him dead. Removed from the planet. No longer living. Not metaphorically, but really. People like this do not deserve to live."

There are people who say it is not up to me to decide who lives and dies. Perhaps not, but I can certainly have my OPINIONS on who should live and die.

BB deserves to die. And I would gladly dance on his motherfucking grave.

Pardon the profanity, but I am absolutely LIVID right now. I don't know whether I want to cry or beat the crap out of something. Maybe both.

Fuck. Just fuck.

[Rapscallion]

As for CS not condoning violence towards people, something tells me if someone happened to commit some violence against BB, no one would object, here or otherwise.

It's fair to say that we wouldn't approve, but as long as such didn't involve this site in any way, shape, or form, what could we do about it?

Rapscallion

[Jester]

What most of us were thinking....if we can't beat the crap out of BB himself, why not beat the crap out of his effigy? Good idea, actually, very therapeutic....just not really appropriate. No worries though.