Human Pinata, or How to Be a "Man."

[Becks]

I don't think something violent like that, as well-meaning as it is, would be appropriate.

You're right. I should've thought of that, myself.

What was I thinking?

[Jester]

I know we don't propose violence toward others on this site, but is it permissible to hope that BB rots from the inside out? For a long time?

Not only is that permissible, but I imagine you are not alone in it.

As for CS not condoning violence towards people, something tells me if someone happened to commit some violence against BB, no one would object, here or otherwise.

Are you going to be posting an address for contributions from CS'ers?

I am not sure I understand this question.....

Take care of yourself, Jester. Please.

I have been, and I will. Cooked a lovely pasta dinner for my friend D-Rod, Flakey, and Photo Boy last night. We went through SEVERAL bottles of wine, and had a blast playing "I never." Fun for all, and good food too!

Have a pinata or six, meant to represent BB and charge people $1 a whack.

I love the idea, but no. We want to keep this positive, keep the focus on celebrating TD's life, and I don't think something violent like that, as well-meaning as it is, would be appropriate.

no one witnessed the deaths of ron goldman and nicole brown (except for OJ) and ron's father still filed a civil suit against OJ and won.... so there doesn't need to be a witness per se.... just proof that he caused her death, whether it's directly or indirectly.

There is apparently no proof that BB caused TD's death. Period.

As a side note, watch out that BB doesn't try to sabotage the proceedings in some way. I'll bet he really got off on playing the role of the grieving boyfriend, and doesn't want to lose the limelight. He may attempt to crash the celebration - I don't know how, but he might.

We are probably going to have the Celebration of TD at The Bar, where she worked with me and RW, and where BB is banned from ever entering. He CAN'T crash it if it's there. The other option we have considered is the Waterfront Bar, where TD once worked. If BB crashes that, he will probably end up dead. Also, on the flyers I am going to print up, we are going to have the involvement of the domestic abuse advocacy group prominently displayed, so hopefully he'll get the hint that he is not going to be welcome. I DO hope, though, that he calls me asking to attend. I so hope he does.

[Geek King]

I finally made it here after a long week of just browsing the on topic threads. I wanted to scream in rage, and beat the holy hell out of something. Being at work, I just shut the door for a bit and cried some frustrated tears. Now that I've control of my self again, I can post.

Jester and ReformedWaitress: Dammit, but I'm sorry it turned out this way. The girl I once knew had a boyfriend put a bullet into her head, TD's killed her emotionally. Both are murder just the same. I know some of what you're going through, and it sucks. Completely blows, and I'm sorry. Either of you are welcome to PM me and I'll provide my number, or call you, if you need an ear that's been there to listen.

A preacher once told me that there is no justice in the world, and we're all damn lucky that's the case. I think I'll pray for some justice to be delivered BB's way. I'll also pray that TD gets a better deal in whatever passes for the afterlife. You two have my best wishes.

[Eireann]

For the "wall", why not use a series of postcards, or copies of pictures of TD? People can write on the backs of them. That way, it'll be very easy to send it to her parents, who will love you for it. You may also want to put together a photo album to send to them.

As a side note, watch out that BB doesn't try to sabotage the proceedings in some way. I'll bet he really got off on playing the role of the grieving boyfriend, and doesn't want to lose the limelight. He may attempt to crash the celebration - I don't know how, but he might.

A trivia contest would be a good fundraiser, with all the participants paying a certain amount to take part. Raffle off some yummy desserts. See how many businesses in the area would be willing to donate a gift certificate for a raffle, too.

And... I think it'd be just grand to let your local women's shelter know what you're doing. It'd be a huge benefit to battered women to see and hear what you're doing, and know that it could have been me.

It'd be what they need.

[CorDarei]

Okay, point taken. But as the only witness to what actually happened is BB himself, none of that could be proven.

no one witnessed the deaths of ron goldman and nicole brown (except for OJ) and ron's father still filed a civil suit against OJ and won.... so there doesn't need to be a witness per se.... just proof that he caused her death, whether it's directly or indirectly.

[Becks]

Have a pinata or six, meant to represent BB and charge people $1 a whack.

[morgana]

Jester,

I'm late coming back to this thread, and was horrified by the update. I understand and sympathize with your desire for "balance", and wish desperately that there was something I could do.

I know we don't propose violence toward others on this site, but is it permissible to hope that BB rots from the inside out? For a long time?

Damn it. While I can understand the battered woman POV (been there, done that, burned the t-shirt), I find it very hard to read about someone who got away and then went back.

Are you going to be posting an address for contributions from CS'ers?

Take care of yourself, Jester. Please.

[Dips]

5. JUST THOUGHT OF THIS! Perhaps a "wall" where people express their thoughts about TD. Once it is all done, we can.....hmmm.....dunno.....send it to her parents in Chicago? Place it somewhere in town? Not sure about this one, to be honest.....but it is a way for people to express themselves, especially those who may not want to speak publicly.

That is a wonderful idea. I can tell you her parents will treasure those recollections. Stories and acecdotes about TD's life in Key West and the interactions each of you had with her would be especially meaningful. Maybe they could be typed up and placed in a notebook with copies of recent pictures. TD lived very far away from them and they can no longer ask her about her life in Key West; these will be their only memories of her time there.

[myswtghst]

I think flyebye's idea is fantastic. Any kind of donations are a great idea, especially when they can be done in memory of TD.

I would definitely make a point to talk to any shelters or domestic violence organizations in the area to see if they have suggestions, or particular things they are in dire need of - some may not be able to take certain kinds of donations, but might really need others, and I'm sure would really appreciate the foresight of contacting them.

Good luck, and know that you're in all our thoughts and prayers, as is TD. Let us know how it all turns out - knowing what I do about you, I'm sure it'll be one heckuva party, which sounds like what TD deserves in her memory - her friends remembering her and celebrating her life.

[Crazeyal]

Well.. You had some contact with the woman's shelter during all this? There are undoubtably either 1 or 2 people of artistic talent or children there. Charity Art auction. You can even post them online. I'm sure an overview of exactly what happened and what was lost because of all this would attract attention.

You want to keep things as positive as possible. I don't know anything about this person other than what you've posted on here. It seems she was a DAMN good waitress. People liked her. Why not focus on that? Have a competition that's fun, full of energy, and can be held at a bar. Speed competitions for the wait staff (multiple drinks, multiple tables, one hand tied behind back, points off for spillage, best time wins) or somesuch.. and name it for her. That way something FUN can be attributed to her name, instead of the sadness that's there now.

[flybye023]

One idea I have is actually one that came up this holiday season for "Secret Santa" type gifts but could easily be adapted for this type of gathering.

Each guest could bring a present that represents something about TD such as a board game she liked, a favorite food, shirt in her favorite color, etc. Then they could be given to a domestic violence shelter.

[Jester]

Okay, I may be repeating myself here, but what the heck.

I sat down with my friend Frank today and did a little brainstorming for the Celebration of TD's Life. We have figured out approximately where and when (a weekday after the Super Bowl at one of our local bars) and what (a Celebration that is also a fundraiser for the local ASPCA as well as offering some education on domestic violence). And we have a few ideas of what we are going to do.

But Frank and I are very similar, and have a lot of similar ideas. I want to hear some other ideas. What are some fun and novel things we could do at the Celebration to celebrate our friend's life and, as well, to raise money?

I await the collective wisdom of CS.com, which is massive. So bring it on, kids, bring it on!

EDITED TO ADD:

I suppose I should tell you some of the ideas that we are playing with so far.

Celebration ideas:

1. A picture slide show of various pictures of TD, possibly set to music.

2. Her favorite local band, if we can get them to donate their time. In this case, they may....they are really cool guys.

3. Possibly a trivia contest about TD. Not sure about this, because obviously this would be biased to her good friends, and we want everyone to have a good time.

4. Obviously, her friends speaking. This needs no explanation, I hope.

5. JUST THOUGHT OF THIS! Perhaps a "wall" where people express their thoughts about TD. Once it is all done, we can.....hmmm.....dunno.....send it to her parents in Chicago? Place it somewhere in town? Not sure about this one, to be honest.....but it is a way for people to express themselves, especially those who may not want to speak publicly.

Money raising ideas:

1. A 50/50 raffle. For those of you that don't know, people purchase raffle tickets, and at some point, you draw a winning ticket. The winner gets 50% of the total pot, the other 50% goes to the cause you are trying to raise money for.

2. A silent auction. I am going to go around to various businesses and establishments and attempt to get them to donate products, services, gift certificates, etc. These items will then be auctioned off in a silent auction, which is where people put down their bids in writing. Whenever you look at the paper for the particular item, you can see the highest bid. It is a way to auction off stuff all at the same time, and without as much tension or aggression as in a regular auction. In most cases, the winner gets the item for less than they would pay normally, and the cause makes money, and the donating business gets good PR. Sometimes, the item goes for MORE than its value, as some people are more than willing to buy it at more than face value when they know all the money is going to a good cause.

3. A Coors light chugging contest. This sounds odd, but this was TD's beer of choice, so it makes sense. And remember, A. this is Key West, just about everything is an excuse to drink and, B. this is supposed to be FUN!

4. A food buffet. My head chef at The Bar has already said he would donate some food. What we would do with that is have it semi-free.....basically, you buy a ticket for the buffet at $5 per person, which is still a killer deal. All money, of course, goes to the cause.

5. Beyond all this and other things we may come up with, OBVIOUSLY we will accept straight donations to the cause, for those who just want to do that. No fundraiser/charity event would refuse straight donations, actually.


So....what else?

[Jester]

Too bad there's no gil grissom when you need them.

No, the KW M.E. is probably not going to be confused with Griss anytime soon, but he is still an M.E., and as such, is probably not easily fooled by someone with the brains of BB, i.e., few that work other than the ones needed to con people into believing he's something he's not.

You did your best. Her friends did their best. Sometimes the best just isnt enough.

"Your best isn't good enough!" --Mr. Holland's Opus

[Rahmota]

Okay, point taken. But as the only witness to what actually happened is BB himself, none of that could be proven.

This is sad but true. Too bad there's no gil grissom when you need them.

I hope all of the above made sense. It is far too early in the morning for this night owl, and so much has gone on in my life in the last two weeks that I am just freakin' drained. But I think my basic points came through. I hope so.

You made enough sense just fine Jester. I think everyone understands she was an adult and made her choices just like everyone else. Good bad or stupid we all make our choices. You did your best. Her friends did their best. Sometimes the best just isnt enough. It doesnt mean you stop trying or doing your best. It just means that sometimes the universe is bigger than what we can handle.

[Jester]

Edit: volunteer work for a woman's shelter sounds like a good idea. Just be sure they accept help from both genders since it's obvious that both men and women wish to do something in Tiny Dancer's memory.

There may be stuff men can do at women's shelters, such as paperwork or volunteer work outside the shelter, or something where they don't come in contact with the traumatized women. Remember, though, not all battered women are going to be freaked out by all men...it's not the same as rape, for instance. But obviously there can be some sensitive issues going on. For good-hearted people, male or female, there is always stuff that can be done to help. Or in this case, rather than volunteer at a women's shelter, volunteer at an animal shelter.

In hindsight my comments before may have been somewhat lacking in empathy.

To those who took my post to be a chastisement or to condone BB's actions, I apologise.

I don't think anyone took you or anyone else as condoning BB's actions.

I understand that not everyone is going to have full sympathy for TD, and I understand. Her poor choices contributed greatly to this, and she is not in any way innocent of blame. Nor has anyone close to her or the situation suggested that. TD was not a saint, and had many, many flaws, not the least of which was a generally bad record with men. She drank too much, she smoked too much, and was often a cantankerous, ornery, mule-headed, irrational pain in the ass. No one here should get the idea, as I said earlier, that she was in any way a saint. She wasn't. That being said, while she contributed to all that happened, she didn't deserve it. And most importantly, however flawed and exasperating she could be, she was still a friend. And THAT is what it comes down to.

I hope all of the above made sense. It is far too early in the morning for this night owl, and so much has gone on in my life in the last two weeks that I am just freakin' drained. But I think my basic points came through. I hope so.