I stand alone...twilight-the book please tell me I'm not alone! (could have spoilers)

[Dreamstalker]

I recently ran across an advance copy of New Moon that somebody gave me (I think it was a well-meaning friend at the bookstore who thought I'm "into vampires").

Holy Hastur is it awful. I got through maybe three pages before giving up in disgust. If it wasn't an ARC I could put it in the stack for the used bookstore...let's see, who do I really not like that I could anonymously send it to?

[Lace Neil Singer]

The next person who sends you a chain email? XD

Bella Swan = Stephanie Meyer. She is such an obvious self insert that it's not even funny any more.

A mate of mine used to love Twilight, but now hates it with as much venom as I do, cuz of what Stephanie did to Jacob; ie, turned him into Pedobear. -.-

[XCashier]

Here's an interesting review of the Twilight movie. Funnily enough, the movie is apparently better than the book...not that it would be that difficult.

[RetailWorkhorse]

RW Reads Twilight (or attempts to, at any rate)

The beginning, the Prologue, starts out reminding me of how Luise (was that his name?) felt about LeStat. By the end of the two paragraphs, I miss my porn collection.

Seven pages to get from Phoenix to Forks. Forken Forks. F-Or-Kah. Fork. Forky-Fork-Fork.

Moving on.

Page 10 and there is very little dialog. Lots and LOTS of.....prose. About the scenery. Which should sound nice, but I'm not getting any type of mental picture at all. Failure in that respect.

Also Page 10, proof that Isabella Swan is clumsy. Good for you, sweetie.

Oh-oh, she spotted the Pretty People! ........why is she still going on about the Pretty People? ....Oh. Vampires. Dur. It's the Cullens. Who picked the names for these people? Oh. Right. Her.

Moving on.

HOW can "Edward", "Emmett", "Rosalie" and "Jasper" be strange unpopular names?!

Page 15 and she's cried....twice now? I dunno, I'm skimming through.

I can't do this. I quit. I'm erasing my harddrive, for that is where the PDF of this book is, and BURNING it. My god. My eyeballs are in pain. Brain cells. Dieing. Agony. Defeat. Ow.

I made it the first sentence of chapter 2.

Go me.

Excuse me, but I have to throw up now.

[Salted Grump]

I recommend about 50 gallons of brain Bleach, and a flamethrower. As the line goes; KILL IT WITH FIRE!

One thing that really bent my bolts about the Twilight series in general was that the 'Vampires' have no weaknessess as compared to 'classic' Vampires; about the only thing that can kill one is a Tactical nuclear strike to the face, and even that's iffy with all the Insipid Dross gushing from the Author's Wordhole every time a 'vampire that sparkles' shows up.

Frankly, if the series is based on 'Mormon beliefs' et al, (Like what's-her-face 'claims' it is) I'll eat my own head.

[Broomjockey]

I recommend about 50 gallons of brain Bleach, and a flamethrower. As the line goes; KILL IT WITH FIRE!
<snip>
about the only thing that can kill one is a Tactical nuclear strike to the face,

That's why I've preferred "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."

[RayvenQ]

That's why I've preferred "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."

I vote exterminatus, nothing like killing all life on a planet, decomposing it into flammable gas and then setting it on fire so that the planet is scoured clean by an inferno to get rid of taint.

[Evil Queen]

Yeah but were do the good people (the CS posters) go?

[RayvenQ]

Yeah but were do the good people (the CS posters) go?

Well, we give them warning before hand so they have enough time to get the hell away

[Lace Neil Singer]

Better yet, someone should invent a bomb that only destroys the Twilight books and everything to do with Twilight. It would be as if it had never existed.

[Evil Queen]

Time machine? Go back in time and hit her Editor in the head with a salmon.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Or persuade Meyer to get a Fictionpress account instead. The flames she'd receive for her piece of crap work would soon put her off writing. XD

[PhotoChick]

If anyone has PDF of any/all the books they want to share, please PM me. I'm "renting" it from my local library as an ebook but I can only read it on my computer not on my ipod like i want to.

[Evil Queen]

PhotoChick, Check your inbox.

[Kheldarson]

Or persuade Meyer to get a Fictionpress account instead. The flames she'd receive for her piece of crap work would soon put her off writing. XD

Or start her down a path where she's convinced no one understands her writing...