Domestic Violence...long, kinda graphic.

[Eisa]

Just wanted to mention that turning your anger in on yourself all the time is really, really bad.


Amina, I hope she's ok.

[Amina516]

Ok, so once again, sorry for the delay. The day she didnt come back into work, she came the next day with a blacker eye. I didnt see her though til over a week later and didnt get to talk to her much. However, after she left i learn that she was at work a few days before and went on break. She then calls in the charge nurse saying she was being beaten. Then hangs up. Someone runs to her apt (its across the street). Shes in the house crying. My CW drags her ass to the ER this time, i literally think it was by force. She gets checked out and we find that she indeed, is still pregnant.

I talked to her after this incident. She tells me the guy is now in Pittsburgh, and isnt supposed to be coming back anytime soon. From the subsequent beatings she got though, I can tell shes the one taking him back into the house though she has a restraining order on him by this point.

I hope he stays away. I dont know what to do with her.

[Seshat]

The very first step to recovery in anything is recognizing that there is a problem and what the problem is. I don't care if you're talking about substance abuse, anger management, being in an abusive relationship (on either side), being an SC, being an asshole, being a Raiders fan....oh, wait, nevermind....there is no cure for that last one.

Poor Jester. Stuck being a Raiders fan. :awwww:

More seriously: thank you for the bluntness, and the understanding in the post I just referenced. I'm far from perfect still, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I was.


Amina:

I honestly don't know what you can do for her. There's a lot of good advice in this thread. Beyond that, in your profession you may well know psychologists, mental health nurses/psychiatric nurses, psychiatrists, or social workers specialising in domestic violence. Or any of the above who have a peer who specialises in domestic violence cases.
I'd recommend seeking advice from one of those.

She needs to do much the same as I did: come to a realisation that it's something SHE is doing that's got her into the situation she doesn't want to be in. Then ... well, see my sig? I learned those four points the hard way.

[taxguykarl]

She needs to do much the same as I did: come to a realisation that it's something SHE is doing that's got her into the situation she doesn't want to be in. Then ... well, see my sig? I learned those four points the hard way.

It's up to your friend, Amina.

[Amina516]

So, shes gathering up money for his bail and buying him a cellphone b.c he broke his other one in rage. Im done talking to her about it. Just...blah.

[tropicsgoddess]

So, shes gathering up money for his bail and buying him a cellphone b.c he broke his other one in rage. Im done talking to her about it. Just...blah.

Oh wow...I hope she realizes the error of her ways before it's too late.

[Sapphire Silk]

This gal has a co dependant personality and is an enabler.

Very sad. This asshole is going to kill her someday.

[Mytical]

I've just found this thread. Honestly I can not tell you how many times I've been through it. I am the Gentle Giant, the one that they come to to protect them from the abusive ex (at the time). I am not a violent person, but they knew that the guy would lay a hand on them over my dead body. If I had cash money for every bruise, cut, etc I received in protecting somebody from an abusive ex..I'd be in good shape.

95% of the abusive ex's were smart..they took one look at me, understood they would have to commit murder if they wanted past me, and left. They few who did not understand that, found out that even if they could get past me somehow..they would have to get past the other three guys (two who were bigger then I was). My two brothers and my cousin (who was like a brother to me). Not one got to the person I protected while they were with me. Ever.

You can't protect them from themselves, however. It hurts a lot when you see them hurt AGAIN, because they chose to go back. It kills your soul to see them crying and hurt..knowing you are powerless to do anything. The only thing you can do is let them know they have somewhere they can come..that you will not turn your back on them like so many others might have.

Others are right however, it is dangerous. Violence will come your way. I won't sugar coat it, you will be in danger. Keep a phone really close, do not be afraid to call the police..even if the danger will have fled by the time they arrive. File a complaint EVERY time. Video if possible (ie him on your property, etc). You will hear a lot of 'nothing we can do'..but eventually a pattern will be established. When they step over a line (and they will) then you will be able to get something done.

I realize that abuse is not a gender specific thing, that yes women can be abusive also. When a guy abuses a woman or a child, however, it sends a rage through my body I can not explain. In the back of my mind I know that it is not right, and I do not know what in my life has caused it. I've had women hit and slap me for trying to protect them..because I couldn't just sit and watch a guy hit them.

A long time ago I had a temper, and I've managed to use meditation to where I am now mostly a pacifist. This trigger (seeing a man hurt a woman or a child) is one of the few I have not been able to get rid of, and I can not explain why that is. Not sure it is a trigger I want rid of, that might be the problem. Nobody should be abused, ever.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

That's a trigger that you probably will never get rid of, nor should you. That's a trigger everyone should have.

I'm glad you understand that you are in danger when you do this. There's a couple people I know who are dead now because they were in the blast radius of this sort of situation. Not abused women, no. I'm talking about a teenager visiting her mom (who was a woman who was in an abusive relationship) and a man who was dating a woman whose abusive ex came back one night and shot him dead. And one of my cousins narrowly avoided being shot by an abuser. He'd come to kill her, and had a gun. It just so happened that an off duty cop came by. Just wasn't her day to go, I guess. The gun got fired, my cousin got pretty badly roughed up.

Mytical, you are strong and brave, and I commend you for that. But be aware that for some of these sick fucks, they ARE willing to commit murder.

[protege]

Mytical, you are strong and brave, and I commend you for that. But be aware that for some of these sick fucks, they ARE willing to commit murder.

Yep, they are sick fucks. If they're going to kill someone, it's going to be as brutal as possible...and the victim is going to suffer horribly.

One of my college friends lost her best friend that way. This girl was in an abusive relationship, but got out of it. A year later, she was murdered. From what I understand, she was trying to reconcile things...and alcohol was involved. They ended up in a field...which happened to be an open mine shaft. They climbed the fence surrounding said shaft, where she was killed. That is, the bastard pushed her into the shaft. She fell about 700 feet He got caught, after he was running his mouth at a local bar, and was arrested. Even now, her body still hasn't been recovered. Other than her purse and one arm, she lies in several feet of water, still inside the mine As for the bastard, he got life in prison...but not before shooting himself in the stomach in an attempt to win back *another* girlfriend. Yep, he's truly a sick fuck.

Article link here

[Lady Legira]

Yep, they are sick fucks. If they're going to kill someone, it's going to be as brutal as possible...and the victim is going to suffer horribly.

This is entirely true.

Let me tell you a story. A was in a relationship with B. A was abused extremely badly by B including nearly dying twice, having both parts of a marble chopping board broken over their shoulder and head and being badly mentally abused also. B was never reported by A and although the police were called several times they never did anything other then take A to the hospital. A was never asked whether they were being abused while being attended. A also has scars from tending to their own injures through B abuse. It ended up with A's friends dragging them out of the house and keeping A safe.

How many of you assumed A is female?






40% of domestic abuse is committed against males. It is vastly under reported.

A is my boyfriend and he still can't tell me some of what B did to him due the memories and flashbacks it brings up. Some of it I'll never know but I'm helping him heal the only way I know. Love, safety and the knowledge that I can never hurt him.

I know what domestic abuse can do to people I've seen it. Both Women and Men need to be told that they don't need to put up with pain for love. Love should be pain free.

Male domestic Abuse site UK based, I sure there is a US/AUS/rest of world equivalent.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Oh, yeah. I'm friends with a guy that was beaten by his thankfully ex wife. She was bigger and stronger than he was and prone to violence. While he was not a tiny, weak person, he was slim and had a gentle nature. I can't imagine him fighting back against her, even to save himself from harm.

And I also have another friend who while he wasn't beaten (I don't think), did end up falling/diving (to escape) down a very long flight of steps and having a large metal candelabra hurled at him on the way down by his wife, who had a history of anger management issues.

[Mytical]

*nods* I am very aware of that fact. Even had weapons pulled on me. I will quote a very wise man (who said it in a song) "You have to stand for something, or you will fall for anything." There is much in life I would not give my life for. Material things, religious differences, etc..but to protect somebody that needs protecting. Yes. Don't get me wrong, there are times I was terrified. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is doing the right thing despite being afraid.