Silly Kid stories

[AnaKhouri]

You guys want to know what Santa does in the off-season?

He works at a hardware store.

Seriously. Today we ran into Lowe's for nuts for my son's training wheels, and our cashier was this huge guy with a white/gray beard. He said, "You don't recognize me, do you?" and whipped a picture out of his apron. It was him, as Santa, with a kid on his lap. It was, in fact, a picture from our little town's annual Christmas party, so this was the same Santa my son saw last year.

For the first time in his short life, my son was speechless. He stared and stared while Santa tried to engage him, asking if he'd been good, etc. Finally, as we were leaving, he turned, pointed and yelled, "You come into people's houses at night when they're asleep!" and booked it for the door.

So I guess this is what my son really takes from the whole Santa thing.

[iPanda]

One of my kids at work said; "If you're Korean, how come you can speak like us?

I just.

He's only kinder... so... yeah...

[fireheart]

One of my kids at work said; "If you're Korean, how come you can speak like us?

I just.

He's only kinder... so... yeah...

Methinks someone hasn't spent enough time around migrants or people who are country-born foreigners.

[AnaKhouri]

Last night we were watching a first-season episode of Fringe where an evil scientist had made a bioweapon he wanted to sell. He was known only by one name, and it happened to be the name of my son.

It's kind of unsettling to hear a bunch of people on TV saying your child's name over and over (and it's not a common name you might hear on TV a lot).

[Ree]

So, today, my granddaughter was waiting for her father to show up for her weekend visit.

She should have gone last night, but the boy doesn't have his shit together and there were transportation problems.
She should have gone last week, but apparently, he was moving.

Anyway, needless to say, she was very excited about finally seeing Daddy, and this being Father's day weekend, she had made something in school for him, and was in the "gifting" mindset.

I wasn't really paying attention as she drew away on some paper.
She came to me after a while and said, "Look Grandma, I made a book for my Daddy,"
The paper was all folded up, but I saw the outside of it and realized it was her mother's paystub from work.

I said, "It's beautiful, sweetie, but I'm afraid you can't give that to Daddy. You wrote on the back of something that contains some of your Mom's very personal information."

She was a little upset at that.

I tried to photocopy the picture onto another sheet of paper so she could cut it out and use that to make her book for Daddy, but my copier/printer was not cooperating.
I was talking to my daughter, and I told her what happened.

She laughed and said, "You know what, Mom? Give it to him. Then he will see just how little I do make and will know I'm not lying when I tell him I need money for her."

So, off to daddy's the paystub/art book went. LOL

[AnaKhouri]

Library storytime lady: "What kind of things live in the ocean?"

Khan: "MERMAIDS!"

What? I'm not going to tell him any different.

[fireheart]

This is not mine, but just so hilarious.

The new season of So You Think You Can Dance is on TV at the moment. One of the contestants was a 4-year-old boy who was body popping/breakdancing. Clearly too young for the show despite being absolutely AMAZING in terms of dancing, the funny part was Nigel's conversation with the kid.

Nigel: "Do you know you have to be 18 before you can do anything on this show?"
Kid: "Yeah"
Nigel: "So how old are you?"
Kid: "18" ()
Nigel: "Are you at college or high school?"
Kid: "Er...high school"
Nigel: "and what are you studying at high school?"
Kid:"EVerything" ()
Nigel: "Are you married?"
Kid: "NO!"
Audience:
Judges:

ETA: here's a video.

The kid scored a trip to Disneyworld for that.

[fireheart]

Story from one of the mums at uni. She has 3 kids and the oldest has been learning about persuasive writing. One afternoon, the oldest decided that she didn't want to go to swimming lessons anymore. After a brief argument with mum, kid locks herself in the bedroom. About twenty minutes later, kid walks down and thrusts this piece of paper in her mums face.
Turns out that the kid had written this perfect one-page piece of persuasive writing about why she didn't want to go to swimming lessons anymore. The mum was stunned, then started laughing.

Kid got her wish, although mum then had a talk with her about when to NOT use persuasive writing

[AnaKhouri]

Khan wanted to say the prayer before dinner tonight.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the food and help us to fight all the naughty guys. Please make the Angry Birds beat the pigs so they can get their eggs back.

Amen.

[fireheart]

Toddler logic (from a friend's almost 3-year-old kidlet who is currently being toilet-trained):

The toilet is mean. So therefore do not flush the poop because the poop doesn't want to be flushed.

[SongsOfDragons]

I've got a lovely kidlet story from today in the supermarket.

A mum and her lovely little daughter - such a cutie, about 3ish, with big round eyes and a face to match - started shopping at about the same time as us, so we kept crossing paths. Mum was talkative and little'un quite bold, pootling around quite well-behaved. She kept doing mildly amusing things like dragging carrier bags along after her and treating choosing the right apple as serious business.

So near the end of the aisles she said 'I am not funny!' to me! Oops! Without thinking I said to her 'I'm sorry little one, I don't mean to laugh at you!' (I always talk to kids as adults.) She nodded, then mum said 'Oh I laugh at her all the time...' to which the girl went mmmm to mum, and then mmmm to me...and I went mmmm back... XD I shouldn't encourage her but it was instinctual...and very adorable.

I've been in a good mood ever since

[AnaKhouri]

I love little kid mad faces. They look so cute, you have to laugh at them, and then they get madder because you're not taking them seriously, and then you laugh harder, and...

It usually ends in tears.

Khan (who just turned 4) was playing with his uncle. Uncle pretended to rob him.

Khan: "You won't get my money without a fight!"

[Dips]

My 3-year-old grandson in the park Sunday...

Pointing at a dog, at the top of his lungs, "Look! There's an adorable little pet!"

The owner invited GS to pet the dog.

GS crouched down about 3 feet in front of the dog and looked at him.

Dog looked back at GS.

GS duck waddles a foot closer.

Dog stays still and waits.

The owner finally said it was OK to pet the dog, he wouldn't hurt GS.

GS staaaares at the dog, "But there are teeth in his mouth."

[dalesys]

GS staaaares at the dog, "But there are teeth in his mouth."

I'll bet Grandma was greatly tempted to use the line from Little Red Riding Hood...

"All the better to ..."

[Aethian]

My youngest cousin on seeing a BIG dog for the first time "Look it's a dog horse!"