Silly Kid stories

[boringscreenname]

The other night I was putting my daughter to bed, and she asked if I was going to work that night. I said yes, and she said, "Ok but don't let the monkeys follow you."

[AnaKhouri]

Wise advice. Once the monkeys know where you work, you're up shit creek without a paddle.

My son adores Tom Waits, of all musicians. The other day his head teacher said, "He was wanting to sing a song all day, we finally let him sing it after lunch."

I was terrified she was going to add, "It was called "Sixteen Shells From a Thirty-Ought Six" and we just called CPS."

But it was the alphabet song. Whew.

[fireheart]

This was cute from today.

We had my full class today and the teacher had them say "good afternoon miss fire heart" to me. She then had the class say "good afternoon to her". The kids repeat "good afternoon miss fire heart" so she went around mixing up their names. The kids found it a hoot!

[Akasa]

My 4yo nephew fell and skinned his knee. He ran to my sister to kiss it make it better. So she did. Then he said "Make me a sandwich!"

[AnaKhouri]

On watching "Thriller":

Khan: "She shouldn't run away! The zombies just want someone to listen to the music!"

[fireheart]

Moment from yesterday at work.

Boy: excuse me, that boy is being mean to me....

Sounds pretty standard right? Until I had him point to who it was and realised that he was pointing at one of our more tomboyish girls.

[cleorose]

I have a ton of stories but the one that brings my inlaws to tears everytime involves my then youngest son Kenny.

Now his older brother Charlie was a good kid. A little bit of a handful but nothing unmanageable. Kenny was the opposite. I used to think he was the exact reason birth control was invented.

Anyway on one of their summers at home with Grandma and Grandpa, Kenny was 3 I think or maybe 4. His uncle Jimmy decided he would cave and let him drive the golf cart (he was controlling the pedals and such but kenny had the wheel) and of course being a little kid, he went over something he wasnt supposed to, blew out the tire and put the golf cart in the ditch.

Uncle Jimmy is like most uncles and thinks hes a comedian and gonna mess with his nephew.
"Your in trouble Fuzzhead, I am gonna tell your grandma and grandpa you crashed their golf cart"

Kenny who is 3 foot with a blond fuzzy afro and white as a ghost puts his hands on his hips and looks his uncle dead in the eye with a seriousness

"YOU TELL ON ME AND I AM GONNA TAKE IT OUT YOUR ASS"

Needless to say that is the one story that Uncle Jimmy LOVES to tell. Grandma and Grandpa repeat it alot as well. Uncle Jimmy is 6 foot 3. and his 3 year old nephew had absolutely no fear of him.

[fireheart]

Conversation with a 4-year-old at the service yesterday on the way over to her preschool (we cater for preschool kids if they have an older sibling or relative at the service)

Me (showing her my car): There's my car!
Kid: are you a mummy?
Me: No...not yet.
Kid: Oh, then you must be an older sister or like a mummy.

[AnaKhouri]

Khan to kid at preschool: "This is my mommy!"

Kid: "Why is she your mommy?"

Khan: "Because I'm her little bear!"

(I call him 'little bear' because he reminds me of the Elsie Minarik character)

[Jester]

Years ago, I was dating a woman with two sons, aged 11 and 6, as I recall. Well, one day the four of us went to a carnival that was in town. There was one ride that I and the oldest son wanted to go on, but was too scary for my date, and her youngest didn't meet the height requirement. Well, the older boy and I had a blast on it, and it twisted us around like you wouldn't believe. And so, right after we got off the ride, he blurts out, "That ride gave my duck goosebumps!"

When I was finally done laughing, I had to tell his mom about it. I wouldn't be surprised if that story is still being told in that family, even into the boy's adulthood.


Many more years before that, when my now 21-year-old niece Bug was about 8-10 or so, she and I were hanging in the living room. Somehow the conversation got to the point of my saying I had known Bug literally since the day she was born. Which was true. Puffing up with pride, Bug said, "And I was a beautiful baby." I just looked at her and said, "Actually, you weren't. In fact, you kinda looked like a lizard." Her jaw dropped, and she was furious. "I'm gonna tell Mommy you said that!" "Knock yourself out, kid." So she goes running into the other room where her mother, my best friend Neets, who had heard none of this, was sitting.

BUG: "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Jester said that when I was a born, I looked like a lizard!"
NEETS: "Well, Bug, ya kinda did."
BUG:

Cue Bug flapping her lips up and down with no sound coming out. She was, for perhaps the only time in her life, completely speechless.

And yes, she was a pretty ugly baby, if the truth be told. Neets and I weren't lying to her. She was a gorgeous child, teen, and adult, but baby? Uh uh. No way. We were just telling her the truth. She did look like a lizard as an infant!

My friend's son wanted to name his baby brother "Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight and Friend to Han Solo".

His name is Luke. The dog's name is Indiana.

A friend of mine has twins. My friend's last name is Baeder. He wanted to name his son Darth.

The mother of the twins wisely vetoed that idea.

[Aethian]

I think this is half funny...

Back when I was a toddler and before I knew how to walk I couldn't crawl very well either. Granted I came out of the oven 12 weeks early. Yes you read that right... 12 weeks.

One morning Mom was doing laundry as well as playing with me. She had just sat me down in the middle of the living room floor, watched me fall over a few times, then heard the buzzer on the dryer.

Running downstairs she half emptied the dryer when all of a sudden it sounded like the house was going to fall in from my screaming. She raced back up stairs to find me in the hallway about 15 feet from where she had left me and sitting up unaccompanied. I was screaming like a banshee and gave her a huge satisfied smile when I saw her.

A few hours later with the nudging of the twins (cat sisters) I was in a standing position. With the thankfulness of thick diapers for my poor behind.

Mom said I made my Dad almost fall over from when he came home from fishing with me walking to him on shakey steps.

In one day I went from being a few months behind my peers to catching right on up just because I got that whole balance thing down.

[fireheart]

One from one of my kids today at work.

Kid 1: Are humans mammals?
Me: Yes they are. *goes into the biological description best I can stating that they give birth to live young*
Kid 2: I always thought it went "Cavemen, then dinosaurs, then platypuses, then <forget> then us."
Me: ....

I had to walk away because I was trying not to laugh.

ETA: This kid's in Year 2/3 I believe. The Catholic school is fairly small (only 100 or so kids from K-5) and the Big Debate is not touched on at that stage.

[cleorose]

When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child I asked our boys whether they wanted a brother or sister. It was unanimous. They wanted a sister. Their reasoning? They would not have to share their video game collection with her. She would have new different toys.

When they found out they were having a brother. Kenny said NOPE EXCHANGE HIM FOR A SISTER.
He was six. We brought his baby brother home (He was 9 weeks premature so his brothers didn't get to meet him til he was almost 3 months old. He was still tiny then), and we told them his name was Colton. Kenny once again being our smart ass, I DONT LIKE THAT NAME! Name Him Max Jason .

Yeah no thats not gonna happen.

[AnaKhouri]

I am pregnant with #2. We haven't told our son yet (early days) but I'm excited to see what he suggests we name his sibling. He has a stuffed dog named Meat Roast and an imaginary friend called Soup Pot, who is a robot and whose mommy lets him do whatever he wants.

[dalesys]

I am pregnant with #2. We haven't told our son yet (early days) but I'm excited to see what he suggests we name his sibling. He has a stuffed dog named Meat Roast and an imaginary friend called Soup Pot, who is a robot and whose mommy lets him do whatever he wants.

My older two boys could have called bro #3 "Jump Pit" ... they used him as a maker marker for a long jumping contest.