Silly Kid stories

[AnaKhouri]

Khan (solemnly): "Your father is dead."

Me: "What?"

Khan: "It's in the Tom and Jerry movie. They told the little girl her father is dead."

Whew! I thought he was having a premonition or something.

[fireheart]

This was hilarious.

So we had an excursion the other day to the movies for school holidays. There were 2 buses (60 kids) and 8 staff members. The divide sorta wound up being uneven: 5-6 staff on one bus and 2 on the other. (1 staff member=8 kids)

My bus decided that the best way to pass the time down there was to sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme. This is how it worked:

Coworker (yelling out across the bus): WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?!

Kids (as loud as they could go): SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!

After about 2 rounds of just that, we ended up getting the remainder of the words right (thank you awesome coworker) and we just belted the song out another 3-4 times there and back.

[AnaKhouri]

Khan: "Mommy! Meat Roast ate a bird! Oh, Meat Roast!"

Me: "He must have been hungry. Tell him to only eat the food we give him from now on."

Khan (yelling across the house): "MEAT ROAST! Only eat the food in your dog dish! You can only have birds for dessert!"

[AnaKhouri]

Khan, on Tom Waits:

(on I Don't Wanna Grow Up) "He says all the things about being a kid that are fun, but he's already grown up so he should just deal with it."

"I want the song where the guy makes lots of bad decisions!" (WHICH ONE?!)

[cleorose]

I have bad kids my comparison so forgive me now for the bad language.

Story 1: MONEY!
When my oldest now 11 was first learning to talk he was fascinated with the sound of money dropping in his giant crayon bank. In fact he got so obsessed with it, we were NOT allowed to open it and take the money out for him to redrop it. His solution was to meet the family at the door when they came over and yell MONEY! and hold out his hand expectantly. Aunts, uncles, cousins all thought it was SOOO cute. They would give him spare change, sometimes even a dollar or two. In four months he talked my husband's family out of nearly $600 in spare change.

Story 2
When my oldest was little, I thought he was a handful. Til his brothers came along. They make him look angelic. The day grandma and grandpa brought home their brand new 60 inch projection tv, complete with a new entertainment center, was the day my oldest who was only 2 then, colored all over it with crayons, and got the entertainment center with the sharpie. Along with the doors and windows nearby. Grandpa was NOT amused. Took me HOURS to get it all off. I was pregnant at the time so the profanity was at an all time high at that moment.


Story 4
If someone tells you, that if your first child is good, don't have any more, cause all others will be devil spawn. Listen. Trust me on this one. So my 2nd son, has all the sarcastic and humor of his grown father. The problem is he started out that way. I didn't know you could be born to be a pain in the butt but yeah he was. At 2, his Aunt Jaye was babysitting him. He misbehaved as he is prone to do. And she disciplined him. She being the anti spanking type, put him in time out. He was NOT happy. He waited nearly an hour and went to hug her. And instead of hugging her waited til he got in range and bit her. Hard. On the nipple. She put him in timeout again and he threw a metal thomas the train at her head and gave her a nick right on the cheek. She said she wouldn't babysit him again ever and refused to hug him for several months. BTW that bite, drew blood and left a kid size bruise.

Story 5 Future in Crime
So a few months later Aunt Jaye before she went insane, watched our kids again. This time our 2 year old got up in the middle of the night and grabbed the keys to the car and let himself out into the garage. Got in the car and got the RIGHT key in the ignition and turned everything on. He was out there wipers going, radio blasting, honking the horn having a good time. Aunt Jaye was passed out. Didn't hear a thing. At least not til the cops showed up for the noise disturbance. Had the car NOT been a stick he might have gotten it moving too.

Story 6 Uncle Jimmy.
So my brother in law Jimmy is well hes like his brother. Sarcastic and will mess with you. Every chance he gets. My two year old is the only kid in the family with curly hair. And its not just a little wave. Its like Justin Timberlake afro type curly. Uncle jimmy calls him fuzz head most of the time. (Blond curly afro is basically what he has). Well he likes our kids i guess enough to let them ride in the golf car and sometimes even drive. He took Ken, and his cousin Dom, and the dog out to the lake for some stupid reason. Well as its all wooded, they went over a nail and popped a hole in the golf cart tire. It went off the path and into a tree. Wasn't going fast and no one was hurt. Uncle Jimmy says well Kenny I am gonna tell Grandpa YOU DID IT. Kenny who is just barely 3 looks at his 6 foot 4 uncle puts his hands on his hips and his best grownup and stern voice, YOU TELL ON ME AND I AM GONNA TAKE IT OUT YOUR ASS! Uncle Jimmy has a sense of humor and thought it was hilarious. Grandma wasn't happy about his choice of words, but she thought it was funny as well. Its one of the stories they frequently tell. And they always end up crying from laughing so hard.

Story 7 Daycare woes.
SO when we got to Kansas, we had to put our kids in daycare. Hubby and I were both working full time. They were 5 and 3 at this point. Kenny who is still my baby at this point, is more of a handful than we anticipated. We start getting calls each day for various things. For starters he will tell any kid that messes with him " I am gonna WHOOP YOUR ASS" and the teachers were told " My daddy is gonna whoop your ass." It got to the point we expected him to be in the corner when we came to pick him up. He would hit them with his shoes and anything else available. (In his defense they were shut down about a year later for abusing the kids so he was probably just fighting back ). He would black and blue a couple kids eyes with some cheap toys. I was glad when he started school I hoped he would be better.

Story 8 School woes.
So my oldest has been a good student since day 1. Everyone loves him. Hes popular, charismatic and a charmer. His brother is the antichrist by all accounts. 18 times he was sent home in kindergarten. In fact they wanted to send him to ALTERNATIVE school. For kindergarten. Yep this is gonna be a fun experience. When he wasn't locking teachers in the bathroom, kicking the prinicipal in the hoohah and the nurse in the knees. He was at home. With this year being the exception, the last four years he has been sent home no less than 20 times each year. We have had ONE instance this year so we are doing damn good. But yeah fun times in parenting.

[AnaKhouri]

You skipped Story 3. Did you think better of posting it?

[Redbeard]

This thread is still going on! HOORAY!!!

[boringscreenname]

My 3 year old daughter decided to give herself a hair cut the other day. She had been telling us she wanted one, for about a week prior to this. We told her we'd take her in a couple days, we were waiting on payday and to receive a coupon.

Apparently that wasn't good enough for her. One morning while I was at work, daddy was in charge of the kids. He went with the boys to their bedroom to play, while she stayed in the Living Room. She's normally a pretty good kid and stays out of trouble but not this time.

She took a pair of kid's safety scissors (which were hidden) and cut a huge chunk out of her bangs, cut one side of her hair, and cut her hair in two places on the top so short that all you could see is her scalp, leaving her with two bald spots.

That same day Great Clips sent us a coupon. Great timing! We weren't able to take her until Monday to get her hair cut. It looked so bad I actually kept her home from school to get it taken care of. We brought her in, explained the situation and said do what ever you can to fix it and make her look presentable. The hair stylist said it was one of the worst kids' haircuts she'd seen and she wasn't entirely sure how to go about fixing it. She brought the other stylist over who actually gasped when she saw bad her hair looked, but she was able to give the other stylist tips on how to fix it and make it look decent and it doesn't look too bad now.

After this my daughter went from having shoulder length hair to having hair that's just past her ears. We rounded up all the scissors in the house and they're now hidden on top of the refrigerator in the very back, so hopefully this doesn't happen again.

[dalesys]

My 3 year old daughter decided to give herself a hair cut the other day...

What happened to your hair?
I don't know.
Was your head with you all day?
I don't know.

Rinse, lather and repeat until dementia rules.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

I wouldn't exactly call this a story. Earlier this evening I turned my head to look at my son while he was in his pack n play and he was doing this. Cue me laughing and taking pictures on my phone as fast possible.

[AnaKhouri]

Sorry, I just thought of the Fluke Man from The X-Files.

[fireheart]

I had a moment today that my mentor teacher and I have now called the "Duckling phenomenon", "Kindergarten imprinting" or "Mother hen Phenomenon."

Today was the first day that about 2/3 of my class went and saw the playground for the first time (all kindergarteners, 1/3 of them had visited the school previously). Of course, both my mentor and I forgot to actually SHOW them where the playground WAS.

Luckily I had 3 of our students leftover (1 without a hat, 1 who is practically inseparable from the kid-sans-hat and 1 very shy child) so I walked them to the playground as I was unsure at the time of what was happening. Along the way, I found another 8 or 9 of my kids who had gotten lost and wound up in an area reserved for the very complex special needs children. So I collected them and we all walked over to the playground together...but later on a few of the staff commented that it looked like I was herding a little line of ducklings over to the playground!

I also had one of my children having an "aww" moment today. He's only just started school and is very shy and quiet at this stage. We wandered over to a playground area and I asked him if he'd like for me to stay around (since the mentor teacher had duty). He shook his head, squared his shoulders up, puffed out his chest a little...then went and followed one of his classmates over to the sandpit

[AnaKhouri]

Khan: "I need the loo!"
Daddy: "...the loo?"
Me: "The Maisy books haven't been translated into American, okay?"

[fireheart]

Two moments from my students today (separate ones):

-this gem during story time: "a dragon eating pizza."

-apparently I'm naughty for putting in a lunch order at the school

[fireheart]

One from today:

This morning the kids had discovery play. A few of them were putting shells up to their ears and hearing the sounds inside. Then one of the kids yells out "it sounds like a toilet flushing!"

Kids:
Mentor teacher:
Me:

I had to excuse myself I was laughing so hard...