Silly Kid stories

[fireheart]

This morning I had training with the Level 1 kids. Most of them are age 4.

At the end of the lesson we take the kids out to do some jumps into the deep end. One important factor is that they MUST get out of the pool by themselves if they can. We'll help them and encourage them, but they need to get out by themselves eventually.

Today I was helping with one kid and as I'm helping him up, I'm going "Use your muscles big boy" and he goes "I lost one muscle" followed shortly by "I lost all my muscles"

[AnaKhouri]

This evening when my son finally sat down to look at a book by himself (for the first time all day), I lay on the floor beside him.

Boy: "Mommy, are you sick?"
Me: "No, I have a bad sunburn and I'm tired, but I'm not sick."
Boy: "Why are you tired?"
Me: >snort<

[Redbeard]

A classic Mister Peanut story.
Peanut is austistic, and like many kids with his type of autism, it took longer to potty train him than average.
When he was a bit past 3 Little Sis has taken him and the other kids to the Childrens Museum, when Peanut starts pulling on her sleeve. About the same time she smells a STENCH...
"Mama! Mama!"
"Yes, Peanut?"
"Did you put poopy in my pants?!"
Keep in mind this was said with the most best "I'm going to destroy the world" little kid smile you've ever seen.

[fireheart]

Another gem I just thought of from training.

Because there isn't always a Level 1 class on, I've been sitting in on Level 2 and 3 classes. At Level 3, the kids are introduced to backstroke arms.

One of the kids the other day asked us when we were going to do some REAL backstroke while we were in the middle of doing said stroke. O.o

Cue the instructor and me going "This IS real backstroke!"

[Mishi]

"I can has cold toast with seeds and fairies for lunch, please?"
(Fairy bread, made with still-frozen grainy wholemeal bread)

Jazzy, defiantly: "Mum, I'm wearing my pajamas all day and when it's time for my shower, I'll put new ones on and then I'll read a book and go to bed!" Should have seen her face when I told her that IS what school holidays are for.

[cashierbex]

I have one of myself-short n sweet:

Apparently when I was little, I would say pancakes made me angry. Dunno why, but it always pissed off my dad .


Now for my 5 year old nephew:

His grandma: Hey *nephew* do you like me in this skirt
Nephew: Its looks weird, but a good kind of weird.

My roomie: What does a platypus say
Nephew: A platypus doesn't exist cause it is a bitch (he only curse around us )

Me: Say Percy (when Clash of the Titans came out I was explaining the story to my roomie. Yes I know the name is not Percy, thats all my nephew heard)
Nephew: *Says Percy in a way that sounds like another term for a lady part. Use your imagination*

Now we get him to say random phrases with the word Percy. We are so bad .

[Mishi]

Now we get him to say random phrases with the word Percy. We are so bad .

*Smirks* You're not alone, I have trouble not giggling when Bubbles accidentally mispronounces 'Fat Controller' because it ends up sounding like 'Fat C*** Roller' or 'F***ed Troller'.

[Redbeard]

Mister Peanut, as with many autistic kids, has an innate dislike of clothing.
Apparently he's taken to stripping in the middle of shopping trips....

[wolfie]

When I was about 3 or 4 I use to play with the pots and pans under the counter. One day I asked my mother "What's this?" She said it was a flour sifter. But I heard it as "flower" sifter.

Later that day my mother pulled out the flour sifter and found it full of crushed up dandelions that I had picked up form the back yard. She said "Did you do this?" I said yes. "Why?" I said "Well you said it was a "flower" sifter.

Thankfully she didn't get mad. She thought it was hilarious.

Sounds like the one about the very angry European explorer "tearing a new one" for his native bearer with a speech impediment.

Native bearer: But you thaid it wath a pith helmet.

[fireheart]

I have one gem from swimming training today:

At the start of the lesson, the kids go jumping up to the end of the lane, to get used to the fact that their feet will leave the floor of the pool and they won't sink. Then we get them to turn around and hop back on one leg.

Cue one of my kids today, "I'm hopping on two feet!"

[AnaKhouri]

At the zoo we pass a water mister, which sprays out clouds of droplets onto the path.

Khan: "It's shooting sleeping gas!"

(remember one of his favorite Spider-man villains is Mysterio)

It probably didn't help that every time we saw one after that I ran to it then pretended to collapse on the ground, snoring.

[fireheart]

One of my kids today (started my prac officially today):

Kid: Can we call you <Dr. Who character who I share my first name with>?

I got this about five times today. >.>

[fireheart]

This one made me laugh today. Basically, at the school I'm at, the kids stay in the same class with the same teacher from Classes One through Seven.

WAYYYYYYY back in Class Two, the teacher explained to the class that she couldn't take them out on a short unscheduled excursion due to the ratio needing to be 1 adult for every 10 children. So she made a rule, that if there were 10 people or less in the class one particular day, she would take them down to the local shop to get a milkshake. That of course, never happened because there were always more than 10 kids.

She never got asked about the question, until today for some weird reason, when one of the boys knocked on the window and asked us that during pre-class preparation for her and me.
Then once IN the classroom (with a near-full class, we were down one), the same kid asks "Since <fireheart> is here, can we go and get a milkshake?"

While theoretically we COULD have, the teacher had to decline because she'd promised it to them with just her and not me included.

[Mishi]

(Background: Our girls know the names of certain body parts but we use the word 'bits' as an inoffensive and non-gender specific term.)

On our way home from school, I saw a flock of galahs and pointed them out to the girls. Bubbles saw them but Jazzy wasn't quick enough and asked me to describe them so that she could look out for more. I said "They're medium sized grey birds with pink bits on them" and the girls dissolved into giggles. I had a laugh too, and then rephrased it as "They're medium sized grey birds with a pink head, chest and belly. As with most other birds, we can't easily see their bits as they're hidden."

Yes, they're been giggling all afternoon about it.

[fireheart]

A friend of mine is off on HER placement, however she has a lower primary class.

One of her kids today wore her nightie under her school jumper. When asked why she said "it'll be easier to change when I get home later".

She also had a kid trying to sell her "raffle tickets" for $2, then when she suggested to the kid that he go and ask his classmates, he looks at her and says "They don't have that kind of money!"