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Saturday a coworker told me this guy was in the store with his girlfriend. He picked up a bag of Idaho potoatoes and said, " I da ho you da ho we all ho's" his girlfriend didnt think that was funny
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The Pens 2009 Stanley Cup Champs
Listen to some Steely Dan Tonight its good for Ya
Il Son Patie -
Maybe because she is a ho? Sorry, but that's funny as hell.
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I was grocery shopping the other night and actually heard someone say "Does vegetable soup have any vegetables in it?"
Thought I was going to piss my pants...right along with the 3 employees at King Soopers who were doubled over trying not to laugh audibly..."That's too bad. Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."
"What IS fun to fight through?"
"Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."Comment
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I'm standing at a table, the Min/Max bet sign is turned off, there are no cards on the table, no one sitting there, the lid is on my rack, just waiting to be locked by a Pit Boss.
Idjit comes up and pulls out a chair. "What's the minimum bet?"
Me: Um... this table is closed sir, if you look right over there *points to the left* you can find some still open.
Idjit: Well thanks for nothing!
Another one from the other night. Not from my table, heard this from another dealer.
Idjit: Hey, come on, get the game moving, I've got money to spend! *later whips out a $20 bill. Yeah, "money to spend" my ass, buddy*Dealer hits... 21. Table loses.
This happens more often than most people want to believe.Comment
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"I'll have your job!!!!!!!"
Unseen but seeing
oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
3rd shift needs love, too
RIP, mo bhrionglóidComment
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Not sure I can get away with telling this story... let's give it a go.
Part of my job requirements is figuring out a customer's needs and wants and then finding the cable products to match those needs and wants. For instance, if a customer mentions he likes sports, I'm supposed to mention the sports channels we carry on our digital packages.
With that in mind... the woman on the phone had cable problems. Her sister was visiting at the time, and they were both on the speakerphone.
Me: I'm going to need to send a tech out.
Woman: Can you make sure the technician calls a few minutes before he arrives? It's important.
Sister: Say it straight, sis... just say, "I masturbate a lot and I get irritable when I'm interrupted."
They thought it was funny... but I have a job to do... and that wasn't just a great opening for a sales pitch... it was a command...
Me: I notice you don't have our digital package. You'd be able to order adult pay per views 24 hours a day.
One of those rare times I really hoped the call was being monitored... I so wanted to say to my boss, "I was just following orders. I keep telling you: don't ask me to do stuff and then get pissed when I actually do it."
Besides, I made the sale.I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. -- Raymond ChandlerComment
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"Who loves not women, wine, and song remains a fool his whole life long" ~Martin Luther
"Always send a lazy man to the angel of death" ~Martin Luther
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Had a customer come in saying that she ordered a part online, but she either ordered the part wrong, or looked at the "diaphram" wrong.
My coworker and I were trying so hard not to laugh. To top it all off, she was a Registered Nurse.
When will the fantasy end? When will the heaven begin?Comment
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I was in a grocery store when the guy ahead of me was asked if he wanted paper or plastic. He answered "It doesn't matter I'm bi-sackshual."Comment
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The funniest line I ever heard?
"There's someone out there for everyone. You'll get a girlfriend, don't worry."
They don't know what they're up against sometimes.
RapscallionComment
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"I'm going to report you to your manager!"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost dailyComment
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Quoth Rapscallion View Post
Raps, you know full well that at least half of the ladies on here would jump at the chance to have you.
Unseen but seeing
oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
3rd shift needs love, too
RIP, mo bhrionglóidComment
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Lucky bastardQuoth BeckySunshine View PostRaps, you know full well that at least half of the ladies on here would jump at the chance to have you.
Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo FerrariComment
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If that's meant as a threat, it's jolly well working...Quoth BeckySunshine View PostRaps, you know full well that at least half of the ladies on here would jump at the chance to have you.
RapscallionComment
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I was at a Chinese buffet when I overheard some guy standing by the soups ask a woman (I presume his girlfriend) what kind of soup was in one of the caldrons.
The woman looked over and said, "Oh, that one is just like hot and sour soup only it's not hot and not sour.""Ignorance is no excuse for a law."
.................................................. ..................- Alfred E. NewmanComment
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