whats the funniest thing youve ever heard a customer say

[bendertiger]

I was in a grocery store when the guy ahead of me was asked if he wanted paper or plastic. He answered "It doesn't matter I'm bi-sackshual."

Lol, I actually like his sense of humour. A funny customer, who'd of thought?

[Cyanocobalamin]

This one was from today...

Customer: "Do you take cash? I have ID."
Me: "No need to see ID, the serial numbers on the dollar bills will do just fine."

[Kitten in the box]

I have heared plenty...

C: I am buying all this canned cat food because I am having guests over and they all spead this on their crackers...what kind is your favoirte?

Me: uhhhh...thats cat food....I don't think your guests may like it.

C: But its sooooooooo gooooooooooood!! (sighs happily)

(I am serious....the customer really said that)

C: I need some pee-nee covers.
Me:Pee-nee covers?
C: you know pee-nee covers....condoms.

thats all I can think of for now.

[zeoquean]

I was standing at the red line at my store (where we stand so customers can see us when we're not busy) and I was there for quite a while this day. This guy comes up to me and asks me, "Do you need someone to help?" And when I said yes, he then said, "Well, I need to be helped, so we're perfect for each other!"

I started to laugh at that one...he was about my age too..so I still don't know if it was a feeble attempt to hit on me, or if he was just trying to be funny.

And another time, I had this lady come to my line, unloaded all her stuff, and then proceeded to ask me which pants her 13 year old daughter would like. The thing is, they were all neon pink, green, and there was a purple one in there too. Then she asked me which one I liked...I didn't have the heart to say that I thought they were all ugly as h-e-double hockey sticks...(lol we talked about that in my lab yesterday)

[Becks]

If that's meant as a threat, it's jolly well working...

Threat? From ME? Just trying to keep you informed.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

C: I need some pee-nee covers.
Me:Pee-nee covers?
C: you know pee-nee covers....condoms.

Pee-Nee Covers would be a great brand name for condoms.

I even thought up an advertising jingle!

"Don't be a loner! Wrap up your boner!"

[AFpheonix]

Put your chubby in a cubby?

[morgana]

Ya know, I just discovered something. Eggnog out the nose not only hurts, it looks disgusting.

I've really got to start paying attention to Rule #1.





Morgana

[BusBus]

Back in my retail days, I worked in a shop that attracted a lot of tourists, so dealing with language barriers was a part of my daily routine. Anyways, this older woman comes in with her granddaughter, comes up to me and my colleague, points to her granddaughter and says ,"poopoo?" I managed to lead her to the restroom before my colleague and I doubled over with laughter.

[Gurndigarn]

And another time, I had this lady come to my line, unloaded all her stuff, and then proceeded to ask me which pants her 13 year old daughter would like. The thing is, they were all neon pink, green, and there was a purple one in there too. Then she asked me which one I liked...I didn't have the heart to say that I thought they were all ugly as h-e-double hockey sticks...(lol we talked about that in my lab yesterday)

"Well, Ma'am, they're all ugly and really tacky, so, considering that she's a teenager, I suspect she would like any of them."

[Mighty Girl]

"But it's never been used!! You can still sell it!"

They were trying to return an electric razor which they claimed never worked right, no receipt, and a discontinued model we hadn't carried in well over 6 months+.

Then, with a uniformed police officer standing 2 feet away, they told me to "watch my back" because they'd be coming back later. The cop wasn't amused.

[MystyGlyttyr]

This was a phone call I answered Wednesday.

Me: *picks up the phone without getting a chance to say anything before...*
Man Screaming: "YOU HAVE A HAIR APPOINTMENT AT 1, GO TAKE A BATH!!"
Shrill Older Lady: *screams something incoherent*
Man Screaming: "GO TAKE A BATH RIGHT NOW!!"
Me: *voice cracking a little* "Um...newsroom?"
Man: *comes onto phone, speaking calmly* "I'm sorry, I need to go take care of this. I'll call you back." *hangs up*
Me:

[Becks]

Put your chubby in a cubby?

AFp, what is it with you and your one liners?? (Good thing I'm not drinking a Pepsi this time!!!!!!)

[AFpheonix]

I'm not nearly deep enough to come up with anything beyond one line, I suppose

[ShinyGreenApple]

I remember when I first started at the smiley face place, a customer and her husband were at my line, and she was unloading the cart. I guess she had stacked everything in there a certain way and it all tumbled out of order. She threw her hands up and went "Oh great, the SHIT is falling out!!" then she turned and looked at me and meekly squeaked out a 'Sorryyyy!'

Maybe you had to be there, but it was funny.

Another time I had a very interesting older gentleman come through my line, this one had my coworkers cracking up for a while, even if they were hearing it told for the third time. I do the obligatory "Hi, how are you doing today?"

Customer: "Frankly, Ma'am, I don't see how that's any of your business. But how are you?" Then when I was finishing ringing his order, he pulls out a credit card.

C: "This'll be on Visa. I have two accounts, though I'm not sure why, really. One is for gas and the other is for . . . baking soda I guess."