Workday Phrases of Lore and Legend

[edible_hat]

"Chicken cooked in motor oil... I wonder what that tastes like."

"RECTAL THERMOMETER!"

"We ran out of pies so I got some cheap arse ones. Hopefully they don't contain actual arse."

[technical.angel]

"So, basically, I tell him 'we'll get to it when we get to it,' and just not get to it?"

[SteeleDragon78]

"why do you have dog shit on your forehead and catpiss on your shirt?"

[SteeleDragon78]

from my dad

manager: do you know what the hell your job is?
dad: yes, its my job to fuck your ears off and its yours to like it!
manager: then you better get to work cause ive got a lot of ears and not alot of time

[edible_hat]

me: "I've turned into J for the day."
co-worker: "Well I don't want to hear about your son's stomach problems." (note: I have no children, but co-worker J has a young son who keeps getting sick)

[cinema guy]

"I pulled it out and it splashed all over her!"

[draftermatt]

"This thing is huge, like 80 truck loads of floor, it'd be two weeks of straight erection if we got it"

"Two weeks of erection? That'd hurt"

"Shoot two hours hurts enough"

"Like Viagra plus"

"They say you're supposed to go to the doctor if it lasts 4 hours"

"Let me tell you, if it lasts longer than 4 hours I'm calling the Guinness book of records, not no damn doctor"

[Spiffy McMoron]

"Nut butter? You're eating nut butter!?"

[AdvancedFlea]

Ade: "I tell you what, you guys all whisper, we'll point and laugh"
Gregg: "I'm gonna go outside and go kill myself"

[Rapscallion]

"It's just like riding a bike. If you fall off, it's going to bloody hurt."

Rapscallion

[Dreamstalker]

"It's like Insta-Purr!"

[edible_hat]

"People like that make me wish we were allowed to have vodka at work."

[Dreamstalker]

"This not killing me, is that a certainty or just a theory?"

[edible_hat]

"Are you writing love letters?"
"No, I'm reading Moby Dick."

(three hours later) "OK now I'm writing love letters."

[orpheuswaking]

Do you have locking hubnuts?