How Not to Get Hired 101

[workerbee222]

Have your mother come in with you, staple your application to your resume (with my stapler), and hand it to me. I have nothing against you having someone with you, but if your mother does all the work, I might get the impression that you don't want the job. True, I have absolutely nothing to do with the hiring process, but I will get on the headset and mock you as a "momma's boy" to the manager. I can be a real dick sometimes, but at least hand me your own application.

Actually had a daughter come in with her mother. The daughter (30s or 40s or so) filled out the app, and brought it to me. Mom allegedly wanted to work in a fabric store. No, she didn't sew. And no, she didn't speak English. And I didn't speak her language. I was told that Mom was a whiz at repairing jewelry. Well, would I fill out this form saying she applied for a job, here, anyway, so she could collect unemployment?

I was a hard-ass at the time. I said no. *She* hadn't filled out the application, and she had no skills relevant to the job, and she couldn't speak the language of the others working there. I asked my supervisor if I had done anything wrong. She said no, you never have to sign those if you think the effort isn't sincere - but I'll bet it's different now.

[MadMike]

UNLESS YOU'RE THE BOSS DO NOT FILL THAT OUT.

"Where it said 'Do not write in this space', he wrote 'OK.'"

[RetailWorkhorse]

Okay, ya know that little section of the employment application that says OFFICE USE ONLY? What with the emergency contact numbers, the date you get hired, and whether or not you're suitable for rehire?

UNLESS YOU'RE THE BOSS DO NOT FILL THAT OUT.

*Rips up application and tosses it into the trashcan*

If you can't follow written directions then you sure as hell ain't gonna be listening to your trainer, which would be ME. And I ain't training a Moron again.

[Salted Grump]

Here's a Unique one...

Be me.

6 years of job hunting, up to and including places more than an hour away, and I have not had any job in that time.

[persephone]

#2: She was pregnant. At least 6-7 months. I know an employer can't discriminate, but honestly, who's going to hire a woman who's in her third trimester when she's only going to be going on maternity leave in a few short months for an extended period of time? Just doesn't make sense. Especially when we're as small as we are (a grand total of 6 people) and I just started barely 2 months ago and am still trying to figure things out.

While I can understand this, it still sucks. Sometimes you legitimately have to change jobs at 6 to 7 months pregnant and it SUCKS to be job hunting at that time because NOBODY will hire you.

Maybe she lost her old job due to no fault of her own and she needs a job to pay her bills and eat and support herself. Or she moved because her SO got a new job that needed to move and she needs a job cause they need the money.

Not saying that I fault the store, I can understand why you wouldn't want to hire someone in that situation, but my heart goes out to any late second / third trimester women trying to find jobs. It's HARD and you already are completely exhausted and hurting to begin with!

[fireheart]

At my work, your application will DEFINITELY get tossed if you do this:

Go up to the checkout operator on the open checkout NEXT to the service desk, where she is serving and ask for a job. Granted, nobody was serving at the service desk, but all I would've had to do was yell and my sup would be there. And the guy walked right up to me, didn't wait at the desk at all.

[ExiledV20]

From my dad's work...

When applying for a job at a company that only exists because of military contracts, list a previous job with a well-known extremist anti-military organisation (you know, the ones that bring weapons to "peaceful" protests)

I'm very curious as to what group this was. I've never heard of that before from an extremist group. PM if you can't post it publically, please.

To keep on-topic:

- Please do not interview for a job saying that you were the supervisor for a whole department when you were not. Especially when the supervisor for that department when it existed is the supervisor for the job you are applying for now. Especially when you talk about how Americans, women, and white people are inferior to your Nigerian male self...and this former and not-to-be-future supervisor is a white American female. (Really, dude, did you think she would FORGET you?)

- Please do not pleasure yourself with a remote-control vibrator during an interview. Even if you are an attractive female.

- Please do not refer to the transperson who will be your supervisor as an "it".

[Imogene]

Because every store in retail wants a frequent shoplifter to work for them!!!

One of my mom's coworkers wrote a hot check to the store and is apparently paying it off with her paychecks, at least as far as I understand the story.

[draftermatt]

Tell your potential boss that your mom booked off time specifically so that you can go and see the once-in-a-lifetime travelling exhibit at the museum.

(Yyyyeah, that was my bad, didn't do THAT again....)

I'm surprised that you didn't get a job for that reason. A friend of mine told her interviewers "I have a vacation planned for **-** that's already paid for, and we're going with another couple, is that a problem?" Since it was less than 2 months after she'd be starting, but she got the job anyway. (Assistant to the CFO of a Fortune 500 company)

[raije]

Don't remember reading this...

Good way to not get hired into the mall:

Don't get caught stealing. Especially not by someone who works multiple stores, and knows every store manager for each store you hang out in.
When caught with hot merchandise (because you ARE being watched), don't introduce yourself by name and ask how old you have to be to start working there. Don't tell the person who caught you that you're going to be applying and can't wait to work for X company, after getting busted and I still have the empties and respective make up in hand. --- this happened to me 5 times in two days.

Noted, Red Flags and a trip to the circular file for your application the day it is handed into me in other stores, and can guarantee that the other stores are aware too.

Because every store in retail wants a frequent shoplifter to work for them!!!

[edible_hat]

Tell your potential boss that your mom booked off time specifically so that you can go and see the once-in-a-lifetime travelling exhibit at the museum.

(Yyyyeah, that was my bad, didn't do THAT again....)

For my current job, at the interview I said I couldn't start the following weekend because of my dad's 60th birthday. Still got the job (but that's slightly different, since it was a family thing, and a huge birthday that you only get once, and had been in planning for 3 months)

[Kirkygirl]

Tell your potential boss that your mom booked off time specifically so that you can go and see the once-in-a-lifetime travelling exhibit at the museum.

(Yyyyeah, that was my bad, didn't do THAT again....)

[smileyeagle1021]

Worst part was, I gave this to a friend who worked there to give to her manager, she read it, had a good laugh, then still gave it to him, instead of letting me know so I could fix it.

wow, what a great friend */sarcasm

[Megg]

Oh, oh, I got a good one. My store manager was fired after our remodel. They decided to hire outside the company, and did some interviews. One of the applicants told me how when he was assistant at another store (this one was corporate) he would go party after hours with his friends and feed them all for free. Um, no thanks, I like getting bonuses.

[Arucard]

I screwed up a couple when I was younger by recycling the same cover letter. Always missed one or two details.

(Sent to <movie theatre>)
Hi, I'd like a job at <food grocery store>.

Another one sent after I'd completed Uni to a defence contractor, had two mistakes, first, it was still dated around 6 months prior to when I sent it. Second, the project I was applying or, the Over The Horizon Radar, I called the Over The Hills Radar.

Worst part was, I gave this to a friend who worked there to give to her manager, she read it, had a good laugh, then still gave it to him, instead of letting me know so I could fix it.