How Not to Get Hired 101

[Mr. Security]

here's a few


Hand in a resume that is not only even remotely in a proper resume style( just 4 pages of bolded words in very large font) but has no way of contacting you(list phone number as "soon"), talk about personal issues unrelated to the job, list jobs that you did 30 years ago and has a reference from said 30 year old job and on top of it said job and all your reference's are from another country( applying for a job in Canada and the reference's are in Florida)


Use a Supervisor from an old job who you accused of sexual harassment as a reference for another job

[infinitemonkies]

Got a good one at the hotel today.

35ish y/o male comes in, smelling strongly of alcohol, right after closing time for the bars to drop off his resume.
In the last 10 years he's been employed for a total of 30 months between 12 jobs, only one of which he's lasted longer than 3 months. For that one, he shattered his previously established record and managed to make it 6 months. Then I noticed it was in a very small town WAY up north. I surmise they only held off firing him because they had to wait for the snow to clear before he could leave.

But my favorite part is that he printed his resume on the back of a notice that his phone service has been disconnected for non-payment. His contact number? The one that's been cut off.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Come inside the swamp and try to apply on the online kiosk. Run into a problem of some sort.

Decide this would be a good time to stomp back out to your car, sit in it, and curse loudly about the fing kisok not working, and having similar problems applying at fing Walgreens.

Curse so loudly people are coming into the store and telling us about the person out in the parking lot swearing a blue streak.

Come back inside the store, try applying on the kiosk again. Have another problem. Bang hands and fists against the kiosk while again ranting about the f kiosk.

When a manager is summoned to calm you down, and that manager gently informs you your chances of being hired might be greatly improved by cutting the swearing down to once every three words, or even by eliminating the oaths and curses entirely, yell at her that Chris Rock fing swears on fing TV all the fing time, and he makes millions of fing dollars, so you'll fing swear if you fing want to.

Get asked to leave the store. Return to your car and again commence loud swearing, again resulting in customers cautioning us about the apparently unhinged person swearing in his car in the parking lot.

I swear there must have been some kind of super secret military nuclear testing around here that made everybody stupid and/or crazy.

[malmalthekiller]

My new favorite is availability. My bosses tell me that only open availability is what we're looking for. People apply with no weekends (really?? this is retail), or like 8-3 on Fridays and the weekend. No. Just no.

I love reading the comments that people make about why they left their jobs.

"i was called in to work but i couldnt work but i gave my friend a ride in the same day and the manager saw me and he fired me"

[smileyeagle1021]

When applying for graveyard shift at a hotel with only 48 rooms (our sister property), do not answer the question "why are you leaving your other job" with "because I get bored there. Honey, you do not know bored... the hotel I'm at has three times the workload as our sister property and I get bored out of my mind.
When applying at a relay call center, going into details about your faith and how there is no way that you would do anything offensive to the Lord will NOT get you in a job that requires you to say whatever it is that the deaf user requests, without complaint or hesitation... I have been asked to say quite a bit that would "offend the Lord" in the line of work and would not trust a relay operator who is going to be second guessing whether or not what they are saying is in line with their faith.

[Whiskey]

Do not ask for an application and a cup for water (they're clear for a reason) the proceed to steal soda and try to sneak it out behind your application.

[BrenDAnn]

A few from the c-store:
1)Look like you're a crazy, bearded psycho, that could be related to a certain terrorist that we're still hunting for, and refuse to cut your nasty long hair and bushy beard. On top of that, call and be a pest every few months asking if we're hiring. Yeah, there's a guy that does all of that. Manager has told him he has no chance of getting a job at the c-store, but he calls anyway. He does it with a few other local places, too. At least he's persistent, I guess.
2)In the spot on the application that asks if you've had anything beyond a traffic ticket, write that you were just recently released from jail for possession, manufacturing, and trafficking meth! Really! This one we got the other day!
3)On our application, the availability times are broken down into days, nights, weekends, holidays, with a Yes and a No box for each. Checking "no" for weekends and/or holidays is a surefire way to get your application ignored.
4)Don't have a list a mile long of jobs that you've spent a month at, then quit or gotten fired, one after another. This looks BAD to any employer!
5)When the boss asks "Why do you want this job?" Don't blurt out "For the money." Yeah, that was me, and thankfully I backtracked and covered my butt. What? The c-store is my first and so far only job!

That's all I can think of for now. Love this thread & glad that it's stickied!

[trailerparkmedic]

When asked why you should be selected, answer "I really need this job cause I got bail money to pay."

[Darkforge]

Darky, Raps, Ye Englanders...

Is this the epitome of a Chavette?

Cutenoob

add giant gold coloured hoop earings and a pushchair with baby and you've pretty much got it

[MaseMan]

Show up wearing flip flop type sandals and rather worn looking jeans.

[cinema guy]

Cinemas are open other than nights and weekends?

We open at around noon on weekdays. There are only a handful of customers though, so we have only 4 staff, plus a manager, supervisor and projectionist.

The only people who don't work weekends are the administrator, the marketing guy and the handyman.

[Chromatix]

I don't know about the epitome but I'd say the shoe fits.

[Der Cute]

don't come to the interview in a really low cut top, short shorts, flip flops and then spend the entirety of it staring into thin air, playing with your pony tail while snapping your gum.

When asked a question do not simply answer "Yeah", "nope", or "if i feel like doin' it or whatever"

When I tell you "I've got other interviews to conduct today so if you've got the job i'll ring you tomorrow" Don't phone me back asking if you have the job cos "I wos so, like, bubbly, and like, i acted dead interestin', and I, like, wore me best smart stuff, an dunno why you ain't called me back yet"

Miss "Saucy" as the rear of your short shorts declared, you are why I dread the days my boss coming to me and asking if we can start doing another recruitment drive.

Darky, Raps, Ye Englanders...

Is this the epitome of a Chavette?

Cutenoob

[Crime Scene Scarf]

Show up with your child. Insist on getting to come in late and leave early every day, to get Junior to and from school, and also request first pick of holiday time, to spend time with Junior.

[Whiskey]

This has probably been mentioned but (for fast food)...


Don't ask for an application and a water cup, then proceed to steal soda. Also, don't give us stink eye when we tell you to dump it out.