How Not to Get Hired 101

[TheWolfEmperor]

"How many times have you been arrested?"
"Oh, three... maybe four dozen times... but no convictions."
"You've been arrested nearly fifty times with no convictions?"
"No witnesses."

Great series.

I might not have hired them but we'd definitely be going for coffee.

[Pixelated]

Pick up your phone (landline) to make a call and get a "Your service has been suspended" message.



That was me this morning.

And yet my phone and internet are bundled and my internet worked fine ...

Called my ISP (a local company) who could not find any problem (we both wondered if somebody with a very, very similar phone number was the one who should've been suspended) and within seconds my phone service was back, with many apologies.

I have no reason to believe anybody called during those few hours of non-service, but if somebody did ... that wouldn't have helped my job search.

THIS is why I prefer email contact.

[Deserted]

"How many times have you been arrested?"
"Oh, three... maybe four dozen times... but no convictions."
"You've been arrested nearly fifty times with no convictions?"
"No witnesses."

Great series.

[dalesys]

Now if you can reply like the Fairy Godfather, Bruce's minions, Guido and Nunzio, "No convictions." it's OK.

[Deserted]

This weeks winner- 3 years ago unlic medical actions and writing fake prescriptions. 5 counts total.

Whoa!

I can just see the follow-up:

Interviewer: You said no felonies?
Applicant: That's right.
Interviewer: What about this thing 3 years ago?
Applicant: Oh, I forgot about that. [or] What, that counts?

[Rosco the Iroc]

Lie about your past and fail your background check.

Yes you maybe only mostly washing cars in the reconditioning dept. But you will be handed keys to new and very expensive cars here at Le-Dee-Dodge.
9 of 10 people failed this week. For Multiple felonies they did not admit. This is not that mailbox you trashed from 30 years ago.
This weeks winner- 3 years ago unlic medical actions and writing fake prescriptions. 5 counts total.

[LadyofArc]

Question - When resumes are tossed in the circular file, what do you do, if anything, to keep those names on a list so a later submission, after their info leading to the dumpage, has been forgotten?

Yup, although I also do recognise that people can change. So if for example, those questionable comments were 20+ years old, I'd do a little more probing and find out if they've changed since. If the comments are more recent...yeah, no.

[Minflick]

Question - When resumes are tossed in the circular file, what do you do, if anything, to keep those names on a list so a later submission, after their info leading to the dumpage, has been forgotten?

[LadyofArc]

Bit of context here: we look for people who are licensed in whatever field they're in to act as mentors. They need to either have no conditions, or if they DO have conditions, they need to otherwise not impact on their ability to do this sort of work. (For example, if one of the conditions is simply "complete a course in <blah> in the next 12 months," we'll actually look at your application, whereas something like below will result in it getting tossed in the circular file )

With this in mind, some of the doozies of late:

- Not even be licensed to practice in Australia. (They were licensed overseas)

- Have conditions on your license that make it impossible for you to do the role. (I won't go into *too* much detail, but basically they needed to be supervised at all times)

- Live interstate, yet somehow do work for hospitals in our current state (as in, they're currently employed by one of the hospitals, yet their address is interstate)

ETA: Also, violating the code of conduct for your profession by posting some questionable comments on social media will result in your application getting tossed in the circular file by me.

[Rosco the Iroc]

Be my old boss at the dealership I quit and when I had an honest to goodness exit interview and ask the main reason for quitting I said just his name and HR didn't flinch. Same reason the last 4 people quit parts. Two were there 8+years. Should be a indicator you have an issue.

Answer the phone when I needed a part from them and hit me up for a part time job after he finally retires from there in 3 months and before he moves to AZ.
1- I wasn't offering work, nor will I for a while
2-no no no no!

*insert "you dense motherfucker" meme here*
This was 3 days ago I'm still giggling.

[raw1989]

wut
?

10char

per the hand book no shorts of any kind could be worn I don't know who gave him a job but anyways less then 3 months in and the center closed because the company they were contract for pulled the contract guess who still hasn't gotten my last check glad I left when I did

[mjr]

Two words: Comic Sans.

[Rosco the Iroc]

wear shorts to an interview they hire u anyways


the on your first day of training wear shorts again after being told not to then having HR come in to speak to the class and point it out to everyone lol.

It was a call center business casual.

and they closed we can all guess why.

wut
?

10char

[raw1989]

wear shorts to an interview they hire u anyways


the on your first day of training wear shorts again after being told not to then having HR come in to speak to the class and point it out to everyone lol.

It was a call center business casual.

and they closed we can all guess why.

[scruff]

I think I've worked out why we're terribly short-handed at work, if today's CV was anything to go by.

1) fail to proofread/spell-check
(misspelled old job-titles)
2) fail to follow directions repeatedly
(advert specifically said to email covering letter and CV).
3) complain about how not following directions didn't work for snowflake
(bitched on cover letter how they'd rung several times and only got voicemail - hint, that's why the directions were to use email only..)
4) have a job history that makes you look like a job-hopper, without having the sense to either drop some of the shorter jobs off the CV or explain why the role was so short
(most projects here last for 2-3 years, if you've got several 1 year roles, that better be because you were covering maternity leave or similar!)
5) fail to explain _why_ you would be a good fit for our company in your covering letter
(because we do X type of projects is not enough, I know we do X type of pojects, what I'm looking for is your covering letter explaining that you've got N years experience of x type of projects...)
6) And finally, have such a poorly written CV that I get called in to translate it.