Feeling overwhelmed

[Eisa]

Mishi: Sunlight BUUUUUUUURNS, I tell you! Buuuuuuuuurns! I'm terrible about actually getting any sunlight. I slept until dark. Granted, dark appears to have been at like 5. But was also good, since I've only been getting like 3 hours of sleep...hmm. Dancing to metal is the best kind of dancing. Which reminds me, I still need to find my freaking mp3player charge cord. It's hiding. Voltaire is fun to dance to. Also, Disturbed.

Hopefully she won't. :3 She had a ton of false starts with her first kid, too. Something about her being pregnant just...sucks apparently. :/



Der Cute: I know what you mean. Oooh, vitamins. I have gummy vitamins. I should remember to take them more. They might have vitamin D in them, not entirely positive. It's also cold as fuck outside, which does not make me more inclined to get out there. I should, though.

Ooh, thank you. Yeah...never done either, although I wanted to try...CBT, I think? Can't remember. My t at the time ignored me, though. And was a twat. So yeah. D:

How to encourage relationships...um...smile? manage to talk instead of staring at the ground and mumbling? try to stop the nervous laughter at everything? hmm.

I suck at interaction, too! I come across as a creeper. D: Well. Not as big a creeper as Jester, apparently, but still.

EXACTLY they never tell you HOW to be those things! "Be more social." HOW? "Don't be so shy." HOW?! "Go do stuff." Seriously...HOWWWWW? I'm not figuring out by magic, there's clearly a reason I haven't just gone out and done that before. XP

I think I would handle a strict routine like that ok-ish. It would be good to have a very strict routine. I've been trying to push my boundaries...and my boundaries are shrinking. A lot. It's like every day, more and more things are added that I used to be able to do and now I can't, and I don't know why. :/ And trying to do them makes me all panicky and shaky and awful.

One change and do it? I think I can do that. Like a: get the list of doctors from my mom already. That one would be good. And can do tomorrow as she has to come over anyway. So will just ask if she will, and then can go from there and research stuff. And then...eep. Contact them.....double eep...

Yep, definitely gotta be careful of stalling, I do that all the time. Not a good thing!




dragon_wings: oh, suuuuuuuuuuuuure, blame it on me!

(tis awesome, though. double thumbs-up! )

[dragon_wings]

Cause it makes Eisa happy, I took this pic:

[Der Cute]

Keep head up

I keep hiding from daylight lately- I have no routine to MAKE me get my ass out of bed. But when I do, it actually feels good. So, to help, I pop lots of Vitamin D3.

And I'm proud of you for poking around online for online help. keen.com? might be something to look at.
When I said DBT and CBT, those are actually the therapies to help you specifically for one small bit of a large issue.
Cheesy example: Lemons and Lemonade (I'm quoting this from my own therapy stuff). When you've had LEMONADE, what lemon(good things) did you find?
You had a car accident. Ok. What GOOD happened? You met a hot police officer and are dating. You realized that life's too short? Something else that's small and just a smile?
Another: Relationships. Relationships aren't just the long term ones. They're any snap of time you spend with someone. Saying hi in the grocery store, all the way to being married. Anything in between it. So how to encourage and enhance relationships? (what would YOU do here?). Smile. Nod. Say hello. Meet eyes. (some of the things we've talked about in group).
Dialectic Behavior Therapy. This one is cognitive behavior therapy BUT holds your feet to the fire and makes you do homework. And it's really cool that skills are so broken down for me. Because interaction is NOT my skill. Jester - shit, he's a bartender. He has to. Me? I suck at it, but am trying to get better with it.
I like this better than Cognitive Behavior Therapy. CBT is more of a lecture to me than the homework.

I sought these out like you did. Counselors would go on and on about "finding humility. Be nice to others. Don't be abrupt." And I'm looking at them, "Bitch, this is what I need to fix, give me the TOOLS!!!" You have to search for this stuff. Hardcore.

Another idea: If you find a therapist who knows DBT/CBT and has some dealings with phobias (or works next to one who does) could you make an effort to go straight there? I'm thinking out door. Friend drives. Straight to therapy. Out door. Car. Go home. A strict routine, you can depend and predict. Your brain will say : Oh, yah. I don't have to be so anxious right now, I know exactly what's gonna happen next. And I have friend. (or shit, even take a teddy bear if you need it). I know you have limits. But are you just staying within your boundaries and not pushing? Or..are you staying within those boundaries and are THEY shrinking? Hard questions, but answer them. I mean it.
Journal the fuck out of this life. Any thoughts odd things write it down. Make it part of a daily routine.

What really sucks here is that you KNOW you're messed up. And that you KNOW it's a mess. And that you KNOW it's not going to be easy. And so, yes, you're overwhelmed. You have NO direction and just KNOW it's a big huge pile to deal with. You have to start somewhere - please. Decide on ONE change and do it. Even if it's possibly the wrong thing to do. So? It's getting something done - then realizing, oh hey. I need to do THAT OTHER THING FIRST; but I do have a piece of the puzzle fixed. Yay.

I had a list about 10 pieces long earlier this year; these were regular life responsibilities. Not emotional stuff. But it involved moving, IRS, money, children...breakup.. (not anxiety or phobias; just life) and I was in shock for about a week. counselor said, ANYONE would go into shock over that, YOUR reaction is normal.
So after that shock week, I picked one thing to do per day. Got on IM with friend for IRS shit. Started that. Got money stuff figured out the next few days. I got about 2 or 3 things done that week total. It took over a month to fix it all. But I had it listed, crossed off as I went, high fives for self for doing it, and chocolate.

And I took breaks, listened to my body and made sure I wasn't stalling. Too much.

Keep it up. Push yourself. If you do push your limits one day, stop that night and ask "Hey, self. Are we ok? Did we do things to make progress? Are we anxious and pissed or do we see some help? Self, hellooooo, anyone home?? Hey. Self. Stop stalling. Answer me. We got X done. X wasn't fun, and got frustrated, but I do see one possibility in those frustrations. Self, ok. Tomorrow, keep going."

[Mishi]

It's a good start! *hugs* Sunlight is good for you... at least that what everyone keeps telling me ! Dancing is fun, Bubbles has been dancing to various metal bands lately and Jazzy's been telling me "Get up and shake your bottom Mummy! You can dance too, stop being so shy."

Your poor sister, hopefully she won't have anymore false starts.

[Eisa]

Re my sister: false alarm.


42_42_42: No, I am not. -sighs- I want drugs, though. I mean...medication... Don't have a doctor now, though.

Hmm. Sunlight is evil. -boo, hiss- No, really, I keep sleeping through it all. Maybe I can open up the blinds a little when I wake up to get at least -some- light in. That would probably be good. -nods- and if I find my mp3 player charger cord, I can finally keep doing my Voltaire dance-round.

Well...I at least answered the phone when Jester called...that's a start, right?

[42_42_42]

Are you on any medications? Cause, those really help. (Take it from someone who's on them!)

When I'm feeling depressed, and I know it feels like the amount of effort involved is insurmountable, but if you can manage to force yourself to get up and moving and doing something, even if it's vaccuuming or dancing or whatever, it really helps to get you out of the funk. Make sure you get plenty of sunlight, too, especially morning light. It's absolutely essential.

So, get up, move, get light. Sounds stupid but it will help!

I used to have a phone phobia, too. I'd have a panic attack if I had to call someone. I still only pretty much talk to two people on the phone: my mom and my husband. But I *can* make a call now for appts and stuff if I need to without it being a huge deal. I do procrastinate about it, but I do get it done, eventually. I don't know how I got over it. Just suddenly, it wasn't a big deal. Probably had to make a bunch of calls to deal with something and I realized it wasn't as scary as I was making it or something or other. Anyway, behavior thereapy yourself. Make yourself make a phone call, increase the frequency until you're comortable doing it.

[Eisa]

As far as I know, she's at the hospital right now...but still don't know if it's "false labor" or what...she always seems to have a problem with that, the baby's all "lemme out" and then goes "just kidding lol U MAD?"

My mom wanted me to go over to sister's apartment and watch over the toddler basically...but then wanted to leave me alone over there until my sister and her bf came back. Um. Yeah, no fucking way. Not with a douche he is, I'd be scared out of my mind and just walk out the door...almost 2 miles back in below-20 weather or not... :/

[dragon_wings]

My sister had issues during both of her pregnancies (kidney stones is the only thing that comes to mind but I do know she was on bed rest most of her pregnancy with my nephew). to her. And hope she recovers well and quickly and the baby is healthy.

[Eisa]

True. She's been having problems the whole pregnancy, though...too much amniotic fluid.

She's having a boy. She's not sure yet, but she said it feels the way it did with her first baby.

(Er. This is her second baby. And yes, she's my younger sister. )

[dragon_wings]

Good luck and congrats to your sister. Do you know if she's having a boy or a girl?

[Mishi]

Due dates are really only estimates, even the ones done via sonography. If the doctor is happy then don't stress about it. I hope that if it's the right time that everything goes quickly, well, and as painlessly as possible. *hugs*

[Eisa]

Also, my sister is apparently going into labor and it's apparently the real thing. She isn't due until the 27, damnit.

[Eisa]

LIES.

Jester called. Jester, you don't sound anything like I imagined you would sound. Er...not that that's a bad thing or anything.

Also did not hide in my blankets the whole time...

[dragon_wings]

*whistles innocently*

[Eisa]

D'aww, such a cute froggie hat, you couldn't possibly be ev--

WAIT A MINUTE.