Dear....

[monolayth]

Dear left side of my head,

Could you please teach the right side to quit hurting??

Owner of head,
Monolayth

Dear Right side of my head,

PLease for the love of all that is holy and right in the world, Please stop hurting.

This ear infection is getting very taxing.

Cranky,
Monolayth

Dear Jester,

You love to taunt me dont you?

Wishing I were on a beach,

A redhead in nebraska.

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear self,

Really? You chose this week of all weeks to not be inclined towards being up at night and asleep during the day? This is the week I needed that! It's 9:13pm here and as I looked at the clock my first thought was, well, time for bed. My second thought was, shit...I work in two hours. Awesome. I had been trying to avoid relying on caffeine what with me being jumpy enough as it is. Oh well.

Me

[Misanthropical]

Dear Boss Man,

Thank you ever so much for scaring the crap out of me tonight! I couldn't tell you what I was thinking seeing my desk empty! No computer, no phone! Just my pictures.

I'm glad that you finally let me in on what was going on before I had a total heart attack.

Yes, thank you for telling me I would have a new computer and new phone tomorrow, but tonight I had to sit with the women who would rather scream their conversations at each other, instead of doing their job, which made my job harder.

Plus, we have a heat wave going on, could you please tell the day people to turn on the central air?

Thanks!


Dear children,

There is a freaking heat advisory out, so no, you may not go running all over heck. I would rather have you inside in the cool air than taking you to the ER for heat stroke.

Yes, I see your friends are outside, but I'm not their mother and they are not my concern, you are.

So, if not letting you outside makes me the meanest mother ever, so be it.

Plus, I am not as stupid as you seem to think I am. And, just because I don't call you out on something does not mean I don't know about it. It just means I don't think the situation required me getting on you about.


Dearest husband,

We have been married for 17 years, don't you think it's about time to drop the whole "it must be a Midwest thing" when I do something you don't understand the reasoning to or say something that you haven't heard before?

Thanks, you hick!

[powerboy]

Dear Self


Why are you to lazy to lift weights? You know, I have a pool party too go to in Augest. You are somewhat out of shape. Is it because it has been awhile since, I did lift weights?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Customer

If you do not pay rent on time, we have to send out letters. We do it, because it is the law. Not because we are picking on you. If you do not pay for 3 months. Then guess what, either come up with 75% percent of the bill or it goes to auction. Oh you are going to take us to the labor board. Like they will do anything. They will ask us for our side. We will them and if needed show them the documents.

[karath]

Dear Tae Kwan Do companion:

This is getting out of hand. Your violence during sparring is well known by everyone associated with the studio, and you actually managed to give me a black eye and numb most of my face for the better part of a week despite my having about a foot and 50 pounds on you, and you've done a LOT worse to other sparring partners. Seriously, learn some control; that's supposed to be one of the reasons we're there, after all.

Still sore,

Karath


Dear OTHER Tae Kwan Do companion:

Stop. Just stop. Your little insults have grown from tiresome to flat-out angering. Grateful as I am for your testing my self-control, just stop. I arrive at tae kwan do with the plan of getting a good workout and getting rid of some aggression; please stop tempting me to begin that before the actual workout.

Very annoyed,

Karath again.


Dear Self:

Ok, you failed the test. It happens. Ok, you got hit in the face. It happens. Suck it up. Getting depressed about it is not going to help anyone.

--Karath.


Dear WoW friends:

I get enough of this friend drama crap in real life. Seriously. Stop.

--Vourinen

[friendofjimmyk]

Dear Coworker (s),

Again, we meet. You are the one who does bare minimum work. I work diligently to clear our screen of calls and meet our service levels whilst you play away on the Internet. I can tell you are not working because you are giggling and this particular day is not a funny one - we are BUSY! I have boycotted helping you in your tasks because it has become apparent that I am doing nearly all of your tasks.

After you left, the supervisor got on the screen and saw how your "area" of work was neglected. Its not that she didn't believe me when I emailed her, she just didn't realize how bad it really was. Well, she saw and she apologized to me for not being more diligent in looking into the matter. She had only sent out an email reminding our department of our supplemental duties - which you apparently believed did not apply to you.

I want half your pay for the days you share this area with me. I only think its fair. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. (How I wish!)

Thank you,

Your busy as fucking hell coworker - can't you HEAR me making all the calls?

[protege]

Dear Sally,

Was it really necessary for you to pounce on me last night? I mean, it's not like I was enjoying my nap or anything... Oh, and you're not allowed in my bedroom to begin with. Stay behind the kitty-gate, please

--Pro

Dear MGB GT,

According to the garage, you should be finished on Friday However, given the garage's previous attempts at dropping the ball, I'm not holding my breath. Still, if you are finished, I apologize that I can't drive you yet. Still have the state inspection, insurance, and registration to take care of first.

--Pro

[draftermatt]

Dear Sears,

The company you hired to install my TV sucks. They called to schedule and said the soonest they could do it is Wednesday the 11th. This was on Thursday the 5th. I told them I could only do the 11th if it was after 3. Of course they couldn't guarantee anything, which I understand, but I was adamant. Either don't schedule it, or after 3.

Yesterday they called my wife and told her it would be around noon. She told them no one would be there, and you said you'd call back. So I called directly, and told them the truth.

My wife is a nurse, she cannot leave early, and I work in the office by myself on Wednesdays. I cannot leave any earlier than 2:30! Ok, they'll move things around and try to get their close to 3, and will call me later.

This morning I get a call, saying again, Noon. Again I say that won't work. Again I am told that things will be moved, and the tech will call me around 2:00.

So imagine my surprise when the tech calls to tell me it'll be around noon. So I had to explain to him, that the day wasn't important to me, I just want it done. And no one can be there at that time.

So now I've rescheduled it for my wife's next day off.

And I'm trying to call the store where I bought it from, and I've been hung up on twice.

Vowing never to set foot in Sears again,

Me

[draftermatt]

Dear Sears,

I've now been hung up on 5 times. As soon as I explain my problem and the person offers to get me a manager (or transfer me to HR so they can find a manager) I get disconnected.

This is not going well for you.

[crazylegs]

Dear IB

You are now THIS CLOSE ¦¦ to having your teeth knocked so far down your throat you'll brush them when you wipe your arse. Talk to me like that again and I will rip your head off. You don't know it yet but I will be talking to the Sgt and I will be stating that unless you knock it off I will make it formal.

Shape Up or Ship Out.

Yours tamping,

Crazylegs

~~~~~~

Dear E

Thank you for getting back to me so quick, you've lowered my stress levels considerably, I'm looking forward to the event a lot more than the first one.

Yours thankfully

Crazylegs

~~~~~~~

Dear J

You always put up with my ranting about IB, I don't know why you do but I thank you, I really do, without you being my safety valve I'd probably be out of a job by now!

Yours Gratefully

Crazylegs

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Child,

This will be the first summer we have where Nana is not always available to us. (She's caring for her other granddaughter when my sister works). This means we'll be having lots of Mommy & Daughter time. I hope you're prepared for this. I hope I'm prepared for this.

(Oh, God, what am I going to do!? Ahem ... ).

Love you lots,
MamaRum

[monolayth]

Dear people in Iowa,

Yes they really have closed down parts of i-80 due to flooding. And no I am not sending out a service vehicle to tha areas being evacuated. Yes I know you can still get to them but I am not sending somone to an unsafe area.

annoyed,
Monolayth

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Laptop,

I had been very excited when J told me he'd lend you to me for my vacation. Internet on my phone only goes so far. Honestly, it's better than nothing. That being said, I have a problem with you. You're so sensitive that when trying to move the cursor around, you keep going back to previous internet pages. Why are you doing this? I've had little enough expirience with laptops as it is. J told me that once he gets a better laptop, you will be mine. That's not sounding as exciting anymore...

Me

[Misanthropical]

Dear friends of my children,

I know my children are the coolest and the most fun to play with, but if you don't stop ringing our bell at 9 AM I will be forced to get all kinds of evil on your behinds and we don't want that now do we?

You see, their mom works the night shift and really likes her sleep, so if you had actually talked to my children you would know it's a very bad idea to wake up their mother, bad things happen when that happens.

So, unless you are actually dying do not ring that bell till at least 11 AM, mmkay?


Dear children,

If you want to save your friends please advise them of what time they can ring the bell.

Much love!


Dear husband,

I love you very much and I know you try your best to appease the chocolate demon I have, but if you buy me chocolate please make sure it doesn't say "Made in China" because I will not eat it nor will I allow our children to eat it.

No, I will not even allow you to eat it. Did you not hear about the problems with the stuff coming from China? I'm not about to risk it.

Just buy me the cookies I love so dearly and it will be all good, okay?

Love and Smooches!


Dear BossMan,

Could please kick IT in the ass and get them to fix my computer already? I don't really like having to sit with the screaming young ladies instead of sitting at my very quiet desk. My friend and I are very quiet when we work, because we are mature enough to know that screaming every conversation is not the way to go through life.

Plus, I keep having to get up and get things from my desk that I need to do my job.

If you won't kick IT in the butt, then allow me to do just that.

Thanks!


Dear Daughter,

Could you please stop antagonizing your little brother by wearing his clothes? I swear the next time you two get into it over that issue I will duct tape you two together!

Your stressed out mom!


Dear Big Guy,

Thanks for all the help with the housework and dinner, you are very sweet. I don't like to cook, so you do it for me is a great help!

Psstt! I know you are still a mom's guy underneath it all and that is fine with me.

Smooches!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Dave Bush:

You stink. You suck. You throw like an 8-year-old girl. It boggles my mind how you can be a starting pitcher on a Major League Baseball team.

Also, you suck.

No love but much sincerity,
Me

P.S.- Did I mention you suck? Well you do.