Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

That's because you're in Wisconsin.In Mississippi it's taken as a given...

You'd think that matters, but....

[Kit-Ginevra]

-or speculate as to whether his parents were related before they were married.

That's because you're in Wisconsin.In Mississippi it's taken as a given...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Although it would've been awesome, I was probably right not to get on the phone on my last day at the swamp and page my least-liked co-workers to the fuck off department.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Couple I forgot about from the swamp:

- not allowed to rip a SBD while assisting customers with perfume, and make a comment about "eau de toilette."
-not allowed to refer to the Payless delivery driver we all hated as "the fat fuckup in the dirty blue shit."
-or speculate as to whether his parents were related before they were married.
-when a customer asks me where the rope is, not allowed to ask "Indoor, outdoor or bedroom?"

[Teysa]

No, I worded it correctly. Sometimes the boss will let the employees have a free drink at the bar after their shift, aka a shift drink. I've been trying to convince him we should be allowed to have that drink during our shift, aka a during shift drink. The meanie won't go for it.

[raw1989]

I am not allowed to have a during shift drink.

what? I think this should say I am not allowed to have a drink during shift hours ???

[Teysa]

I am not allowed to have a during shift drink.

[catcul]

When a 1st grade teacher writes a badly constructed sentence, I'm not allowed to say, "That's it. I'm getting you a dictionary and grammar guide for Christmas."

If I see a woman wearing "distressed" jeans, I'm not allowed to say, "You're looking great after the accident."

If I see a woman wearing a certain hair style, I'm not allowed to call her Sailor Moon. I am allowed to run away if she says, "In the name of the moon, I will punish you."

[Sulhythal]

Play Pokemon Go on the clock. But I do anyway. I even purchased a Pokemon Go Plus gadget that makes playing at work so much easier and more effective.

How does that not kill your battery?

[flyonthewall]

Play Pokemon Go on the clock. But I do anyway. I even purchased a Pokemon Go Plus gadget that makes playing at work so much easier and more effective.

[Dreamstalker]

Nor can I create a spaghetti Jenga tower....but how else was I supposed to follow the instructions to fit four cases' worth of spaghetti (that was already spread out on the shelf) into a 10-inch footprint with no backstock?

[Lace Neil Singer]

To change the price of the petrol to £500 a litre on Christmas Eve to try and put off customers from coming in.

[Dreamstalker]

Even though it gets stock out of the warehouse, tempting the laws of gravity and physics with a panettone tower isn't a good idea when the store is actually open as customers will always shop from the bottom layer of the pile.

[Kit-Ginevra]

Do you have a passion for produce?

Oh yes I'm extremely fond of the cucumbers....

[catcul]

When transferring data from a user's old laptop to a new laptop, I'm not allowed to make the comment, "This thing has been passed around more often than a cheap hooker," no matter how many user profiles it has.

I'm not allowed to find the "Do you have a passion for produce?" recruiting sign in the office hilariously inappropriate.

At least it didn't say, "Do you have a passion to produce?"