Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[AkaiKitsune]

Honesty is not always the best policy. When asked how I managed to get all the cleanup, breaks, extra work and balancing while maintaining customer satisfaction I am not allowed to reply “bribery, the most efficient motivational tool.” Even if it is true and it does get shit done.

If I can’t beat them with the stick (what with labour laws and worksafeBC having rules and whatnot”). I will dangle the chocolate in front of them (nobody wants a carrot, chocolate is better for motivation)

[TheWolfEmperor]

Just because the new managers came from another store does not make them, "Earther scum!"

I am not a Belter and I am not to address the customers in Belter Creole.

Making vegan lasagna is cool and people are probably more interested in the recipe I found online than how it makes my farts smell.

It's a fire drill, not an "air censor alarm".

The VR Empathy training is not NSFW.

[catcul]

If I let someone eat my pizza, I'm not allowed to say, "So, do you like my sausage?"

[Kit-Ginevra]

But do you think he's cute?
As for RR may l suggest you try 'nothing ill can live in so fair a temple'...

[LadyofArc]

I am not allowed to proclaim the respiratory registrar is cute

Nor am I allowed to announce that my coworker (who's about 10+ years older than me) thinks he's cute.

[AkaiKitsune]

I am not allowed to bribe coworkers with chocolate to “skip enthusiastically” the rest of their shift. Getting the entire front end to skip around during every task (from going point a to point be, emptying trash, vacuuming, putting out stock, and leading customers to product, etc). Not even pointing out that skipping is exercise and thus healthy for you so therefore it follows our “be healthy” company line will work. Having the entire front end staff cackling like hyenas every time someone had to leave their till for something probably had something to do with it.

[catcul]

When my teammate left our team for another job, I was not allowed to sing Bye Bye Beautiful or say, "You're now dead to us."

[drunkenwildmage]

'Apparently because no one knows how to read their fucking email' is not considered a proper response when asked a question.

[catcul]

The proper way to ask to go home early is not yelling, "Let me out, Screw!"

[LadyofArc]

I am not allowed to use the phrase "Talk data to me," at work.

I am also not allowed to spend the entire weekend at an event offering to marry off the four teenaged children in our club, even if it's historically accurate (for the record, this was marrying off one of the girls to a boy around the same age and all four children had their parents around who were thankfully cool with it)

No shipping two of the children either, even if they start doing it themselves!

[Kit-Ginevra]

Can we get enough separate orders together to make up a big order for all of us?

[notalwaysright]

When a temp comes in on their second I'm not allowed to say "oh wow, you came back!"

[Mental_Mouse]

The one I want would say "Reification: It's a thing." (Reification is the action or process of making something into 'a thing'. )

[LadyofArc]

There’s a local guy here who will print anything on a shirt that you want or you can take any of the pre-printed shirts. They aren’t just full of bad Humor and cheap quotes either like a lot of stores.

I’ve got another one that says “every time history repeats itself the price goes up”.

I know there has to be a certain amount of shirts to be ordered before he will print custom orders but it doesn’t all have to be the same design. So he usually waits until he has enough single unique designs to have met the quota and then does it all in one batch.

Zazzle and possibly CafePress both also have the options for making your own shirts as well. I did it many years ago with one of the quotes from IPF's signature (I no longer have said shirt due to growing out of it).

And another one from work:

- I am not allowed to loudly ponder why the surgeons who deal with assholes (literally) are the nicest people you'll ever meet, while the ones who put you to sleep are the ones who are the worst to deal with.

[AkaiKitsune]

Where do you get your shirts?

There’s a local guy here who will print anything on a shirt that you want or you can take any of the pre-printed shirts. They aren’t just full of bad Humor and cheap quotes either like a lot of stores.

I’ve got another one that says “every time history repeats itself the price goes up”.

I know there has to be a certain amount of shirts to be ordered before he will print custom orders but it doesn’t all have to be the same design. So he usually waits until he has enough single unique designs to have met the quota and then does it all in one batch.