Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Food Lady]

I'm not allowed to find the "Do you have a passion for produce?" recruiting sign in the office hilariously inappropriate.

[Becks]

When a yummy looking regular customer checks his phone and says "Fuck!!!!", I'm not supposed to look at him and say, "Right now?".

Even if he was amused.

[RealUnimportant]

I'm gonna have to put signs up about it at my work I think. It was only release here today, and it appears that Niantic didn't get the memo that you just can't walk along railway tracks in this country, especially not ones with services using them every 5 minutes...

[Deserted]

We've had messages coming across the terminal all day telling us "it's a no-no-no to play pokemon go while driving!" The highway department has also a similar message on the electronic signs.

[Aria]

I am not allowed to play Pokemon Go.

Not that I was going to but apparently, management felt the need to tell us this. And they're probably right to do so.

[Teysa]

I am not allowed to wear a name tag that says 'the other short, dark haired cook."

[jobssuck]

-Not allowed to replace my lanyard with a rainbow lanyard.

Just to be fair, I've seen some pretty bad stuff happen with lanyards that weren't regulated. I can understand that part. The rest...well, read my name

[Kit-Ginevra]

See this is what happens when you feed Fluttershy too much sugar.
You get Frighteningly Perky Girl....

[rapana1]

Not allowed to stick my tongue out and go "blehhh, argh, yuk" if a spider or other bug gets on me while I'm with a customer.
Not allowed to be anything less than frighteningly perky while customers are around.
Not allowed to say "damn" while customers are around.
Not allowed to make up codes for types of annoying customers to put in appointment diaries or queries books.

[Becks]

A mix from both jobs...

I am not allowed to sell condoms from my personal supply to customers.
I am not allowed to refer to the roast beef as roast beast.
I am not allowed to make my younger coworkers cry.
I am not allowed to say "Thank you for choosing {day job}, wouldn't you rather go to {any other competitor}, instead?" while working DT.
Or while working counter.
I am not allowed to ask former regulars who are making a comeback if there were in jail. (turns out most of them were...not all at the same time or for the same reasons, and I didn't actually know that they were)
I am not allowed to bribe the assistant manager to stock bananas.
I am not allowed to call lazy and/or annoying coworkers by less than nice nicknames, even if my other coworkers think they're hilarious...and that they know exactly who I'm talking about the very first time I refer to them by said nicknames.
I am not allowed to tell customers that I cannot sell them alcohol after {certain time} because it then becomes my personal stash.
I am not allowed to answer with "pizza" or "cheesecake" when a customer asks me to recommend something at the day job.
I am not allowed to say that anything tastes better than God's sweat.
I am not allowed to correct people in a condescending manner when they refer to red ranch as ****** sauce when placing their order.
I am not allowed to give customers the number for people with gambling problems if I think they're buying too many scratch offs.
I am not allowed to tell people that I only buy my smokey treats at the night job if I'm desperate because the prices suck.
I am not allowed to inform customers that menthols "will kill you".
I am not allowed to threaten/promise to take whatever piece of equipment that chooses not to work properly and chuck it off the overpass.
I am not allowed to tell people to "get the hell out of my DT" if they spend a long time trying to decide what they want and there's a line of cars behind them.
I am not allowed to try to convince customers that today's my first day when they see me working there a lot and never mind the fact that both name tags say what year I started working for the companies.

[BrenDAnn]

We are not allowed to write curse words on signs telling coworkers not to put stuff on certain shelves, or not to open flats of energy drink when there is already a shelf full of them. Damn---er---darn it!

[BrenDAnn]

No, C and I can't throw the rolls of chew at Manager on truck day. No, it doesn't matter how many she sets on the counter to be put away ,or if she finds more later in the totes she's unpacking. (Yes, we jokingly threatened this. Truck day is fun where I work!)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

No rick-rolling the swamp in honor of my manager, or playing this song also in honor of my manager:

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I AGREE

Why yes, I am a horrible person.

[taxguykarl]

When a door to door call comes in, five minutes before close, with an hour of work I MUST complete before I'm allowed to escape

I have to complete a return even if they arrive one minute before closing. IOW, I feel your pain Aria.

[Aria]

When a door to door call comes in, five minutes before close, with an hour of work I MUST complete before I'm allowed to escape, thus giving me overtime I don't want... I'm not allowed to ask what I did to deserve this.

I am still allowed to think it though.