Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[AkaiKitsune]

I am not allowed to deliberately phrase things so as to make other people's mind immediately jump feet first into the gutter to go swimming.

I'm not allowed to refer to the the machine that opens the plastic shipper all our candy comes in as the candy stripper.

Telling someone I do needlework and embroidery is acceptable. Telling them I enjoy stabbing things after work is not.

When someone tries to insult me creatively or tell me what I can do with an object/myself I am not allowed to "improve their form" or "expand their imagination" by explaining how a certain Sgt of my acquaintance was far more creative....then proceed to demonstrate by listing all the things I have been told to can be reliably done with human anatomy even if some of that anatomy has to be disassembled to achieve the desired effect.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Stanley tumbler? No thanks, I am loyal to my Yeti tumbler.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Slow TF down, you can't please everybody, you are not a Stanley tumbler.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Why yes, I am quite good at using the air gun to blow away the little metal terminals that sometimes get left behind by the robot picking them, causing the press to stop and alarm until they are removed.

This doesn't mean I'm allowed to announce I give better blowjobs than anybody else on staff.

[catcul]

I am allowed to say, "I vacuumed your workstation."
I am not allowed to say, "I gave you a suck under your desk last week."

[catcul]

Poosticks in Ankh-Morpork FTW!

I am not allowed to play with dalesys's stick while on the clock.

[dalesys]

You can't play in the gutter without getting dirty.

Poosticks in Ankh-Morpork FTW!

[catcul]

Methinks you have been hanging out with Kit_Ginevra too much.

You can't play in the gutter without getting dirty.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I am allowed to say, "I handed the shipment to the mail room."
I am not allowed to say, "I showed my package to the woman in the mail room, and she grabbed it without hesitation."

Methinks you have been hanging out with Kit_Ginevra too much.

[catcul]

I am allowed to say, "I handed the shipment to the mail room."
I am not allowed to say, "I showed my package to the woman in the mail room, and she grabbed it without hesitation."

[Ghel]

We are not supposed to be browsing the internet on work computers, even during downtime, because there were allegedly 1800 attempted cyber attacks against work computers over a 2-week period from websites that employees browsed.

[catcul]

I'm not allowed to have my password on screen. If you want to know my password, you can kiss ********.

[AkaiKitsune]

Sharks do not belong at work unless I work in an aquarium. I must not create a frenzy of sharks and I must not use them to annoy my coworkers.

[AkaiKitsune]

How about Take this Job and Shove It! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj2iGAifSNI

In my pre-retirement resignation email, I wasn't allowed to link any version of I'm Free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25vDRxriOGc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4L8L43GieE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdEvuQE6t5c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6InAX5IAQM

You'd think they'd know better then to allow us the option to add links...

[taxguykarl]

When putting in my 2 weeks notice, I must not attach the YT song "I've no more fucks to give" under the "reason for leaving employment" tab. Even if it says absolutely everything about how I feel about this job.

How about Take this Job and Shove It! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj2iGAifSNI

In my pre-retirement resignation email, I wasn't allowed to link any version of I'm Free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25vDRxriOGc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4L8L43GieE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdEvuQE6t5c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6InAX5IAQM