Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[M'oh Less]

I'm not allowed to scare vendor reps by stepping out of my exam room and (apparently meanly/grumpily) telling them all to *SHUSH*... Else I may get Snickers Bars thrown at me.

[catcul]

When two sports pundits start screaming at one another, I'm not allowed to rip the TV off the wall, no matter how much my coworkers would love to see me do it.

[AkaiKitsune]

I am not allowed to make little paper Pegasi out of till tape, no matter how bored I am.

[Dreamstalker]

Not allowed to yell "Mush!" at the CW on the front of the stock cart. Although it does get people to pay attention...especially when he barks back

[Antisocial_Worker]

I'm no longer allowed to answer the phone by saying...

"House of Pain, we deliver!"

...or...

"Sadists Unlimited: 'We bring the pain!'"

...and especially not...

"Dark Corner DSS: 'You shake 'em, we take 'em!'"

[LadyofArc]

When people ask why you have athletic tape on your knee, do not respond with "Well, I used to be an archer, until I took an arrow to the knee."

(Most of my work knows I'm a re-enactor FYI)

ETA: I am not not, under any circumstances, allowed to announce that "it's the final countdown" for ANY of my projects...because it will result in SOMEONE in the office chiming in with the riff to "Final Countdown."

[TheWolfEmperor]

Just because the customer who keeps calling and insisting she paid her cable bill at our store when we don't offer that service is clearly bat shit, I am not allowed to end the call by shouting, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

[LadyofArc]

No singing pretty much ANYTHING by The Poxy Boggards at work. (Except for their cover of "Bound for South Australia" since that's a folk tune)

I am however, allowed to belt out "I Wear No Pants" at full volume while at a shoot. Or an event. (Link is NSFW)

[AkaiKitsune]

I am not allowed to wake people up on their break with an airhorn... Even if they are 15min late getting off break.

[catcul]

If I encounter a certain worker, I'm not allowed to yell or sing, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" I'm definitely not allowed to beat him up while yelling that.

[drunkenwildmage]

I am not allow to install the game 'Sim City' to my work laptop.

[catcul]

If a coworker has his crotch near my head while I'm upgrading a computer, I'm not allowed to ask for his dongle.

I am allowed to let him take me out to lunch. However, if we go to either restaurant, I'm not allowed to tell other coworkers that we did it in the Sheetz, or that we were serviced by Five Guys. I'm also not allowed to say that I put his hot dog in my mouth.

[Gothmog]

When the plant I work in broadcasts ESPN, I must remember that the guy on TV is Dan Le Batard, not Dan Le Bastard.

Considering that "le bâtard" literally means "the bastard", you're not so far off...

[catcul]

When the plant I work in broadcasts ESPN, I must remember that the guy on TV is Dan Le Batard, not Dan Le Bastard.

[LadyofArc]

I am not allowed to refer to the mentors as "minions." Or "underlings."

I am not allowed to suggest that the Glo gel looks like semen under a blacklight (and it totally does)

When given free rein to stick sponges on body parts, do not start singing "Dem Bones."

I am not allowed to walk into the office and announce that I get to play with body parts today.

(One of the lecturers I work with told me of a story where one of her colleagues walked into the office one day at her old job and announced that the penises and vaginas had arrived, much to the sheer confusion and amusement of the only non-medical practitioner in the room )