Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[fireheart]

In Russia, Elmo dresses up as you!

If you search for "therunawayguys" on youtube and look at their collaboration for the wii party, you'll see where the he term came from. Basically, the videos have chuggaaconroy imitating the wii party hosts voice and he sounds like Elmo in Russia.

[thatcrazyredhead]

In Russia, Elmo dresses up as you!

[fireheart]

There is no such thing as a Russian Elmo.
So stop talking like one.

No, the guy who hosts the Wii Games (wii Party/Play/Music) is NOT the Russian Elmo.
Not allowed to dress up like him for Halloween either.

[Kanalah]

Not allowed to start my own sweatshop.
Not allowed to refer to my classroom as "Time Out City"
When the kids start fighting, I am not allowed to make odds and take bets.
Not allowed to use duct tape for any reason.

Fireheart, I talked like a pirate all day :P

[NateTheChops]

The children in the weekly flier were not left in the store because they made their parents mad.
Nor are they kept in a closet between photo shoots.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to bring in Pom Poko during the school holidays.
Or The Muppets.
I am especially not allowed to start bursting out in random renditions of "The Lumberjack Song"
Saying "The Larch" during quiet moments is not funny.
No speaking like a pirate for the entire shift during Talk Like a Pirate Day.
I am not allowed to start a rebellion at work.
I am not allowed to re-enact the fish dance with foam swords in place of fish.
I am not allowed to answer questions with lines from the Dead Parrot Sketch. (ie "Where is <child>?" "Maybe he's pining for the fjords?")
I am not allowed to bring Monty Python and the Holy Grail into work.
Not allowed to re-enact the Fresh Fruit Scene with my coworkers.
Or fresh fruit for that matter.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I am not allowed to refer to my supervisor as Mr Smalldick Lastname where he can't hear me and retaliate
I am not allowed to talk like Donald Duck to customers
I am not allowed to refer to my coworkers as 'crackheads' when talking to customers
I am not allowed to ask my boss what kind of drugs he is on
I am not allowed to call my coworker that cries 'puppy-dog' or 'lady-boy'
I am not allowed to throw grass at the plumbers and yell 'cow candy' and 'moo' even if they stare at me like a cow would all day long
I am not allowed to write 'homo?' all over the walls in peoples (unfinished) houses, even though the dicks they guys draw all over them makes me wonder
Or in the attic
Or the port a potty
I am not allowed to scream like a little girl every time I see a bee unless I agree to be referred to as 'the one with the Tourrettes'
When I am bleeding from yet another cut, and a customer asks me if I need anything I am not allowed to ask for 'peroxide or JD'
When I accidently hit the cap on the plumbing line during the pressure test, and air starts coming out, I am not allowed to look at the (ignorant) homeowner and say 'oh shit, think we should run'

[fireheart]

Damn the missing edit button.

One more:

I am not allowed to make up a confirmation name for myself if the kids ask.

[fireheart]

When cutting up fruit and veggies for the kids at my main site, I am not allowed to arrange them in suggestive ways.
The dip that we sometimes provide with the food is not lubricant.
I am not allowed to ask why my main site is allowed butter.
I am not allowed to ask why we cant use butter, but can use cooking oils.*
Despite the company's healthy food policy, I am not allowed to ask why we are giving the kids unhealthy snacks or snacks that put kids at risk of anaphylaxis/other issues (in addition to the fruit/veg, we will give the kids everything from Doritos to cookies)

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Step away from the training computer Irv; we all know you want to replace everything with the Customer Service: It Gets Worse video.

That should be mandatory viewing for anyone working with the public.

And I guess I can't form a posse to go to the bigger nearby store and kidnap our former store manager and bring him back and give them back the manager we have now due to customer demand.

Now that would give a whole new definition to Customer Service.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Step away from the training computer Irv; we all know you want to replace everything with the Customer Service: It Gets Worse video.

[crazylegs]

OK, there is a story with this one I am betting.

I would like to hear it.

same for why you must not chase cows.

Two separate incidents - in two separate jobs!

New rule:

I must not suggest to a vegetarian coeliac that a nice breakfast is a bacon sandwich.

[fireheart]

I must not point and laugh at my colleagues who end up covered up to their knees when entering a cow shed.

OK, there is a story with this one I am betting.

I would like to hear it.

same for why you must not chase cows.

[Ghel]

*BSOD*


Wut?

The loan officer gives me the promissory note to prepare the coupons from, often before the loan goes on the computer. It generally has just the customer's physical address, not their mailing address. We had a couple coupon books returned last week because they were sent to the wrong address. When I asked the loan officer to give me the mailing address when she gives me the info to prepare coupon books, she acted like I was asking her to do a ton of extra work.

[Aethian]

I'm not allowed to ask for mailing addresses for loan customers, to make sure the customer's loan coupons go to the correct address.

*BSOD*


Wut?