Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[fireheart]

If Jerkass from my Fratching thread shows up at school, I am not allowed to start singing "womanizer" while dancing around him.

[bbbr]

Not allowed to glue my workbench to the floor to keep my coirker from shoving it aside when it is loaded with ~$90,000 of product (that goes "BOOM" when mistreated or is thrown out as scrap if dropped on the floor...) because he can't walk through the designated aisle while using of my machines.

Bolting it to a wall using tamper resistant fasteners however is still fair game.

[Kit-Ginevra]

Make them suffer.Play them Friday instead

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not allowed to play the song "Weekend" on Friday over the PA when I get ready to leave the store.

[Difdi]

I am no longer allowed to daisy chain batteries. I have occasionally entertained myself in the past by producing sizable electrical arcs from chained 9 volt batteries, but my boss caught me doing it last week the hard way.

Seems he got curious as to what I was working on while I was off on an errand he had just sent me on, and due to his curiosity he acquired a small but painful injury somewhere unmentionable complete with charred spot on his pants.

In my defense, I had capped the batteries with an insulator, but to no avail -- this man once managed to short out a computer that was in for repair when he decided the inside was too dusty and decided to clean it, so it's not his first wholly avoidable electrical accident in the workshop.

[Aethian]

I am not allowed to equip myself with a small rubber mallet and when the customers are stood in line,go along them playing Whack-A-Customer (tm)..

You had a manager actually tell you that? O.o

[Kit-Ginevra]

I am not allowed to equip myself with a small rubber mallet and when the customers are stood in line,go along them playing Whack-A-Customer (tm)..

[Zellie Crescent]

Whenever a customer tells me to smile/cheer up/be happy I am not allowed to say "I will when I leave."

[fireheart]

Despite the boss change, I am not allowed to use the Russian Elmo voice for an entire shift in revenge for calling me in on my day off.
I am also not allowed to use it in front of the new-old boss at my other school.

[Elspeth]

I am still not allowed to harm my coworkers. Or kill their brains with logic. Or let my Mom give them lectures. Yeah at 37 that woman still scares me. She can get the "look" I am completely innocent and I say I am sorry. She is good

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Yes, it is quite humorous to watch the LP lady mop the floor.

Yes, it kinda resembles a stripper working a pole, what with her butt moving as much as her arms do, and she's standing in the same spot the entire time.

But did you really need to do a demonstration in front of the service desk girl, the opening cashier, and a couple customers?

Yes, I did. Day: Made.

[Kit-Ginevra]

In our theatre company,our correct titles are Assistant Directors. Not Minions.
Our director's correct title is Director. Not Gru. Not The Despicable One.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

If/when I get a new nametag, the letters "MFIC" will not be appearing anywhere on it.

[BrenDAnn]

No, it is not okay to tape a sign to the door that simply reads "GO HOME!" to scare SCs off. It doesn't matter how much you want them to go home and stop bugging you. It's just not a good idea to put that sign up.

[MoonCat]

Yes Irv, a dab of eggnog spilled on one's pants looks like....cum.

That doesn't mean it's appropriate to point this out in a break room full of people trying to eat.

Had a cafeteria manager at work who did this to someone (not me, a co-worker, who thought it was hilarious). This was an old lady with a mouth like a sailor.