Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Canadian In Maine]

When customers ask me what the new 'Ultimate Cinnamon Bun' is like I'm not allowed to tell them it's better than sex.

It is.

[drunkenwildmage]

Turn the old Sun E450 Server into a kegerator, or Auto-bar.

[fireheart]

Laugh when children ask "Can I play with your hose?"

I am not allowed to walk into the art teachers room and announce that "I have balls!"

[CrappyToHelp]

Laugh when children ask "Can I play with your hose?"

[Deevil]

I'm not allowed to play with stomp rockets...but balloon volleyball in between calls is apparently fine.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I can't chase folks out the back door with the cane I have stashed beside my desk.

Nor can I grab 'em by the waist with the curved end of it (like in the vintage Looney Toons cartoons) and yank 'em back inside.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Please try really hard to not let a "Jesus Fuckin' H Christ" slip around your uber-religious co-worker, y'know, the one who always wears long skirts to work.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to start randomly screaming "SPACESHIP".

[catcul]

At the mental health clinic, when a patient says, "I don't want to be here," I'm not allowed to say, "The only two ways you get to leave are to get well or die."

[fireheart]

Does the supplied lanyard have a breakaway device? This is a safety measure - if the lanyard gets caught on something, the breakaway will separate with a few pounds of tension, keeping it from strangling the wearer.

If it doesn't (and I've seen a lot that don't - including those distributed with ID cards at trade shows), then there's an occupational health and safety issue. Wearing the (no-breakaway) company-supplied lanyard instead of your own (with breakaway) is an unsafe practice - and you can't help it if the first breakaway lanyard you were able to find was a rainbow one.

The company lanyard does have a breakaway device, as does the one that my keys are on (and will soon be replaced as the logos have fallen off).

[Kit-Ginevra]

....or replace my work shirt with anything period.

As in a white shirt with red spots on?

[dalesys]

I don't think I'm understanding lanyard. The clip on nylon rope with the elastic shock absorber that clips on the harness to stop you from falling to your death. With a break away feature?

Referring to a strap around the neck for keys, whistles, access/ID cards...
whackypedia ...
Keeps your face from following your ID card into the shredder you were leaning over...

You're thinking of the hillbilly parachute type: opens on impact.

To me, a lanyard is something to be yanked to fire a cannon...

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I don't think I'm understanding lanyard. The clip on nylon rope with the elastic shock absorber that clips on the harness to stop you from falling to your death. With a break away feature?

[wolfie]

-Not allowed to replace my lanyard with a rainbow lanyard.

Does the supplied lanyard have a breakaway device? This is a safety measure - if the lanyard gets caught on something, the breakaway will separate with a few pounds of tension, keeping it from strangling the wearer.

If it doesn't (and I've seen a lot that don't - including those distributed with ID cards at trade shows), then there's an occupational health and safety issue. Wearing the (no-breakaway) company-supplied lanyard instead of your own (with breakaway) is an unsafe practice - and you can't help it if the first breakaway lanyard you were able to find was a rainbow one.

[fireheart]

New things from the last few weeks of work:

-Not allowed to open my mouth when in earshot of the boss (he has a gutter mind)
-Not allowed to bring pets into work.
-Not allowed to suggest the idea of bringing pets into work.
-Not allowed to suggest the idea of having an "OSHC" pet.
-The chickens that several schools have for various reasons, are not the OSHC pets.
-The chickens are not to be used for cooking.
-Not allowed to suggest having chickens as pets (this one's legitimate, as we're an "anaphylaxis-friendly" company, no egg products on-site...we're not anal-retentive about this)
-Not allowed to replace my lanyard with a rainbow lanyard.
-Not allowed to put "YMCA" on the CD player.
-Or bring in a CD with "the world's greatest dance mixes" (ie Macarena, YMCA, Nutbush, Gangnam Style etc.)
-Not allowed to replace my work shirt with one that says "Kiss me I'm Irish"
....or replace my work shirt with anything period.
....unless bossman approves.

Not allowed to suggest a dress-up day for fundraising at work. (again, bossman's gutter mind)
Not allowed to suggest crazy hair day at work.