Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Buzzard]

Ahh, cheaper than the MRE bomb would be the little hand warmer packets, using the same iron-charcoal powder. Us civilians can get those for lots cheaper than MRE packs. Come the fall/winter, the mart of Wals has them for a buck something for two pairs.

[Racket_Man]

Well, in amongst the MRE package it also contains this nifty little thing for heating your meal up.

<snip>

Yeah I kinda figured that was it. I took a wild guess since I have not had an encounter with an MRE for like 35 years. Loved the Meatballs & BBq and the Chicken ALA King from way back when. They did not have the heating pack then

[Kit-Ginevra]

I would happily donate for the riding apparent shirtless ��

[AkaiKitsune]

OK I think I already know the answer but how do you make an MRE bomb??? For research purposes of course

Well, in amongst the MRE package it also contains this nifty little thing for heating your meal up. Or at least that is what you are supposed to use it for. If you cut the package open you get what sorta looks like black sand or that stuff that is used in hand warmers. Except when exposed to water it reacts much much hotter. If you pour the ‘sand’ into a container (such as a water bottle), then add a bit of water before quickly sealing the lid on tight, what happens is science. A chemical reaction of heat and energy all tightly compacted into a water bottle. Something has to give, thus the bottle explodes. As with most things that have potential to go boom don’t try if you don’t actually know what your doing. Explaining to medical professionals why you have burns and your jeans are melted to your leg generally doesn’t go over well.

Mind as a kid you have a self belief in your own immortality and indestructibility. Sometimes I wonder with some of the stuff I did as a kid, how I ever survived to adulthood.

https://youtu.be/r6YDmf3DJhU

[Buzzard]

Yes, I too, would like to know how to make an MRE bomb. Personally, I'd figure those to be too low a yield. Or, at least for most varieties, that is. *Wanders off muttering about bean ratios or something*

[Racket_Man]

-must not teach base children to make MRE bombs for science homework. That's the teachers job (to give them homework not to teach them how to blow shit up)

OK I think I already know the answer but how do you make an MRE bomb??? For research purposes of course

[catcul]

No matter how tempting it is, I'm not allowed to spell Culpeper, VA, with three p's. Remember, there is no "pp" in Culpeper.

[AkaiKitsune]

-I am not allowed to wake any co-irker up using the barn's feral cats and some cat treats.

-I am not allowed to crawl in somewhere just to prove I'll fit.
-especially if I cannot get out afterwards.

-I am not allowed to shoot anything off anyone's head. Even if the arrows I'm using are fake.

-I am not allowed to refer to the new people as my minions....

-If I can't keep a straight face when asking if I can do something the answer is either going to be "No!" Or "Hell no!"

-I am not allowed to fill up the employee water cooler with vodka... Even if it's only us grunts who use it and they didn't tell anyone.

-When doing a charity event in front of a mostly male audience I am not allowed to do trick shots with my bow to demonstrate that "I have skills your girlfriend wishes she had".
-particularly given the distance from the audience and my colour choice of attire I look like I'm riding shirtless.
-even if it did just break every record for donations ever. (What can I say, boobs sell)

-I am not allowed to tell coworkers to "sit down or I'll duct tape you into the chair" even though I'm the first aid attendant, they have a back injury, and they keep trying to go back out to move pallets.
-I am not allowed to use idiocy as an excuse for when another FA attendant comes in with a different person to treat and they see my person taped to a chair.
-I am also not to use "for his own health and safety" as an excuse.

-I am not allowed to refer to a clients kid as a "Special Snowflake" even if my boss did it first and the client's a dumbass with a complete disconnect from reality.

-I can not use whatever store supplies are laying about to make a homemade flamethrower...
-Not even to get rid of "Shelob's spawn" in the break room. (It was big and hairy with a few too many legs...not to mention it was PUSHING the cup we put on it around)

-I am not allowed to leave a giant demon wolf spider under an upside down cup labeled only with a sticky note with a frowny face on it.

-I cannot irradiate anything using the microwave regardless of how old the microwave is.
-when asked what the hell I was thinking I'm not allowed to say that "I was hoping to gain some superpowers so I could quit this shitty job".

Not mine, but my awesome totally-gay-and-flamboyantly-proud-of-it friend who happens to work with me.

-When told I need to bring someone to the summer formal I am not allowed to bring a drag queen.
-even if they are wearing a dress. (One of our biggest sponsors is a homophobic ass)

-I am not allowed to prance

My mother's (surprisingly) keeping in mind this is before the military became so anal about rules and regs.

-Just because my child is a terror and I cAnd find a babysitter does not mean I can bring her to work when we're doing jumps... Even if when I stuff her in the jump harness for military dogs she fits perfectly. Even if she thinks it's hilarious and fun.

-When the person training in medical crap suggests I "think about the training dummy as if it were my CO there lying in need of assistance only I can provide" in an attempt to get me past psychological issues I am not allowed to get up and wander off whistling a cheerful tune.

-must not teach base children to make MRE bombs for science homework. That's the teachers job (to give them homework not to teach them how to blow shit up)

[LadyofArc]

That's alright, the bubble tea place I go to has named their drinks sometimes very suggestive things. I'm often in there for a sexy redhead or a warm man nut. I have no problem telling it out when I walk through the door as I've been there so often that they know me by now.

I take it either that was deliberate or they have no idea

On that note...

- I am not allowed to string small children up to the archery targets for misbehaving.
- Ditto their parents if they don't actually parent.
- When asked what I'm making, the answer is not "a 14th-century negligee" (I was patching my SO's spare pair of braes)
- Not allowed to give the 18-month-old wandering around camp her very first bollock dagger. (To clarify, the 18-month-old was the child of one of the re-enactors, NOT a random kid!)
- Not allowed to practice shooting watermelons out of the air during the trebuchet show.
- Not allowed to climb the fence to use the bathrooms blocked off to the general public which were intended for re-enactors
- Stuff found out on the range from previous users is to be LEFT THERE. (I found a bottle of lube left behind when I was there - the range is part of a walking track that didn't get blocked off)
- I am not allowed to ask if I can join in when one of my club members starts chomping on the "French brains" (watermelon)
- Not allowed to stuff a melon down the front of my dress to demonstrate that the bardiche/falchion/poleaxe isn't sharp.
- No snipe hunts.
- If I buy a walking staff, it is not for hitting people with.
- When confronted with several sweaty guys fresh from Viking wrestling, I'm not allowed to ask if I can join in on their bath.
- The one male member in our group who WILLINGLY dresses in female garb is not a 14th-century drag queen.
- Not allowed to ask small children to bring me ducks for my belt.

[AkaiKitsune]

After being asked about going to a local chicken restaurant, I'm not allowed to say, "I just wanted two big, meaty breasts in my mouth."

That's alright, the bubble tea place I go to has named their drinks sometimes very suggestive things. I'm often in there for a sexy redhead or a warm man nut. I have no problem telling it out when I walk through the door as I've been there so often that they know me by now.

[catcul]

After being asked about going to a local chicken restaurant, I'm not allowed to say, "I just wanted two big, meaty breasts in my mouth."

[LadyofArc]

He realized he accidentally added an extra zero before he started up the microwave.

Lucky him - I had a student who once set off the smoke alarm because they misread the instructions on a packet of croissants, thought "oven" meant "Microwave oven" and put it in for 4 minutes.

Yeah...fire department and alarm company were NOT happy about that one.

And one to add from me:

- I am not allowed to chain my new manager to his desk because he ACTUALLY HAS A FSKING SPINE!

[AkaiKitsune]

When asked to tape signs to the tills explaining why they were running a bit slow (old and too many ppl) I am not allowed to phrase it like this:

As our till are older they are becoming harder to run. We our currently keeping are system up with a mix of human sacrifice and black magic. Please remember there is a reason our complaints are low at this location.

Back to school shoppers suck

[catcul]

How is there a building left standing?!?

He realized he accidentally added an extra zero before he started up the microwave.

[greek_jester]

I'm not allowed to microwave popcorn for 23 minutes.

How is there a building left standing?!?