Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Load-retraining bars left inside incoming trailers are not "implements of extremely negative reinforcement."

If my co-worker working in the garden center before it opens in the morning happens to see some people pull up and have sex in their car, not allowed to tell him next time he has to tell all of us so we can watch.

But if I ever find myself working in the garden center before it opens in the morning and some people pull up and have sex in their car, you best believe I'm going to tell co-workers to come outside and watch.

[Gilhelmi]

1)I am not allowed to shoot Qtips out of the compressed air hose.
2)I am not allowed to shoot Wet Paper Wads out of the compressed air hose.
3)I am not allowed to design, new and better, projectiles to shoot out of the compressed air hose.
4)I am not allowed to discuss my theory on producing a superconducting metal, the advanced safety systems needed, or the legality of obtaining the necessary materials. (yes, pure Mercury is legal to buy in the US. I might succeed, I might blow up a couple of garages, who knows? that is the joy and excitement of science.)
5)I am not allowed to laugh in a villainous manner. People have a hard time telling when I am joking, apparently.

[catcul]

When I go to Texas, I must remember the locals don't want to see shorts with cowboy boots.

[Teysa]

Not allowed to hide the microphone of rail guides who talk too much. Not allowed to turn the volume way down or steal the batteries either.

[drjonah]

Not allowed to walk up to the cashier who is 'not too bright', look her right in the eyes and say 'Are you in there?'

[rapana1]

Not allowed to hit Little Miss Weekend with *either* end of the receipt spike.

Not allowed to simply throw away rolls of fabric I don't like.

Not allowed to take home really cool stuff made thru our in home consult service that's waiting at our store for customer to collect.

Yes, even if the fabric is really awesome.

[BrenDAnn]

Not allowed to look at the new hires like they're stupid. Must remember they're new on the job, not stupid....most of them...I hope...

[catcul]

When complaining about having to fly from Austin, TX, to Greensboro, NC, through Detroit, MI, I am not allowed to play the "Take him to Detroit" video.

[Kit-Ginevra]

I am not allowed to write on the new girl's nametag 'The longer you stand reading this,the more it looks you're staring at my tits'...

[Racket_Man]

From My Daughter when she worked for outbound telemarketing company that sold home air filtering equipment

After calling some person who is REALLY REALLY STONED and insists that I am a machine recording AND calling over people present around said person to experience said machine recording: I am not allowed to tell them "Hand me to someone there who IS LESS STONED to prove that I am NOT a machine recording."

That statement was actually said within earshot of the owner/manager who DID find it very funny but was not "happy with" with it.

[WishfulSpirit]

Not allowed to use the touch-tone keys on the page phone to play Jingle Bells over the PA system (not me, but a true story from Jeers).

[rapana1]

Not allowed to sell customers wire cutters and tape measures for cash, no questions asked, just please USE THEM.

[Dreamstalker]

If given 3 separate shelf tags for the same item (sale/low price/'new item' that's a month too late but was printed and sent anyway), not allowed to put them ALL up side-by-side (so are you saying I shouldn't do what you told me to?).

"Minion [number]" isn't an acceptable nametag (but foil alien stickers are ok...go figure).

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

If anybody asks for my manager, not allowed to tell them "Sorry, he's too fucked up right now."

Even though some days it's true! (comes in hungover)

[notalwaysright]

I am not allowed to go to the break room to get my phone to pull up google maps to prove a customer wrong. For the record, Meridian runs North/South. Not, as the customer insisted, East/West. I was trying to be nice by giving directions, but noooooooo, she had to argue. You can stay on that street north all the way to Canada, is does not go East/West!