Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[April]

Not allowed to bust into client's rooms, pretending to be cops
Not allowed to Gesture at any passing cop vehicle and tell them that their ride is looking for them
Not allowed to tell the guys sagging their pants that their "diaper is full"
Nor can I say they look like a red assed baboon when their red underwear is hanging out

(I work in a Community corrections facility )

[Geek King]

When a server is not sliding in the rack easily, I am not allowed to yell, "GET IN THERE" Scorpion style.

How else are you supposed to get servers to listen to you?

When the user asks where she keeps getting the same adware virus from, I'm not allowed to use her internet history to point out she's been on Facebook every day this week.

Apparently this is also racist to point out if you happen to not be of the same skin color.

[Kit-Ginevra]

Call yourself the Tantric Master instead

[fireheart]

Khruschchev, the leader of the Soviet Union from1955 to 1964, had the first name Nikita and was very much a male. Maybe it can be used for both sexes?

The show I'm referencing my last post from has my friend as this guy, except in a totally bizarre alternate universe type scenario. Look up Danger 5.

Also a new one from today:

-I am not allowed to call myself the Tantrum Master. (keep in mind I work with children)

[Marmalady]

Khruschchev, the leader of the Soviet Union from1955 to 1964, had the first name Nikita and was very much a male. Maybe it can be used for both sexes?

[Seanette]

Or Elton John.

[gremcint]

I am not allowed to sing Russian lullabys to my coworkers or kids to get them to fall asleep.
Even though I don't know any Russian.
No addressing my boss as "Nikita." (Also sidenote: Nikita is a guys name????? )

tell that the very female Nikita at my job or to the show Nikita and La Femme Nikita

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to sing Russian lullabys to my coworkers or kids to get them to fall asleep.
Even though I don't know any Russian.
No addressing my boss as "Nikita." (Also sidenote: Nikita is a guys name????? )

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Well then at least his complaints of being broke all the time would be true.

Even scarier . . . he has an identical twin!!! At least his brother has a GF (and according to sources, the brother is a bigger asshole than Ass Man.)

[otakuneko]

Frankly I think this one needs a GF. Any volunteers?

Well then at least his complaints of being broke all the time would be true.

[catcul]

When a server is not sliding in the rack easily, I am not allowed to yell, "GET IN THERE" Scorpion style.

[Dreamstalker]

Apparently not allowed to ignore a 'problem' that could easily be solved by the customer just paying attention to what they're doing (and typically does solve itself within 30 seconds when they figure it out).

Not allowed to post signs saying that any discounts not showing up immediately will show up at the END of the transaction (supposedly it's 'unprofessional'...).

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not allowed to stick a pacifier in the Ass Man's mouth next time he whines about any of the following:

Not feeling well

Wants to go home

Making out the weekly schedule for the Grocery department and has a zillion requests off from employees for the weekend (next weekend is Big U's Homecoming and half our employees want off.)

Broke all the time (quit hoarding your money and just put a little bit away at a time instead of half your checks every 2 weeks and you might have a little bit more to live on, but I digress)

Frankly I think this one needs a GF. Any volunteers?

[rapana1]

Not allowed to mark all the really ugly curtains down to $2.00 a package.
Not allowed to borrow showroom fabric samples from larger stores with more of them and " forget" to send them back.
Not allowed to throw entire drawer of track components at next customer who fails to grasp the concept that there is more than one type of curtain track, and more than one company making them- therefore, more than one type of component. No, there is no one universal bracket, end stop, or glide that will work in any kind of track ever made anywhere. XP

[catcul]

When I see a patient come into the Emergency Room with a police escort, I am not allowed to play the theme to Dragnet (Danger Ahead) on my phone.